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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is discrimination?

59 replies

Perfumeofsummer · 13/01/2023 16:47

This is very outing as I’ve spoken to a lot of people about it but at this point I don’t care and just need some sympathetic ears (eyes) to help me feel better please.

My boss and colleagues are constantly ganging up to pick on me since I told them I’m pregnant. Most of the time they blank me and refuse to engage with me at all, so it’s them 5 against me every day. It makes for a very awkward, uncomfortable atmosphere and I spend all of my breaks crying in the loo. I didn’t get one congratulations, and no one has asked how I am, about my scans, nothing. But a lady who worked here in a different department was looked after so well, I assumed the company would treat me kindly too.

My boss and her boss have told me that they don’t care about my extra needs, that it’s not their problem if I feel unwell, they pile jobs onto me, even jobs we initially ruled out during my first risk assessment, and ignored me when I fainted and needed help to sit down last week, the grounds maintenance man helped me up.

They refused to pay me for an urgent maternity appointment, I reminded them it’s a legal requirement to pay employees for their maternity care, to which they responded ‘we don’t care you’re just causing drama you know we don’t know the rules about maternity care so it’s not our problem to find out’. I again reminded my boss it’s the law and I will seek legal action if I feel pushed to do this. She screamed in my face that I’m ruining their business and she regrets hiring me. (Payroll did pay me for it, but they believe I wasn’t.)

They are intent on bullying me to leave so I walk out freely and they haven’t got to pay me SMP or deal with any risk assessments. I refuse to be bullied out of my job, but I’m so stressed and unhappy I’m scared it will cause complications for my baby. I feel like I’m back at school being picked on by a gang of older teenagers. These are all women in their 40s+ who also have children and would not have liked being treated this way during their pregnancies. I’m the youngest at 27 and seem to be fair game as I got the impression they didn’t like me when I first started the job.

We don’t have a HR department to speak to, the managers are friends and meet every Friday night. I know they all gossip about me and call me names. One or two have let slip things they shouldn’t know, including some of my colleagues who I didn’t know spoke with them. They also know my dh name even though I have never given this information in work, so they have snooped on my social media accounts. (Now private).

I feel very alone and like I can’t trust anyone. I can’t leave because I need the SMP to survive. I have considered asking my gp to sign me off sick for the duration, but I am concerned about how it will affect my SMP. I feel physically sick at the thought of going in tomorrow (one Saturday a month on rota) and genuinely believe I’m not safe around these people as the aggression will get worse and worse as I grow bigger and slow down more. They will all protect each other regardless.

Can anyone advise me on the money side of things (sick pay vs SMP) so I can weigh up my options please, and if I have a case for discrimination how do I go about getting help? I have written everything in a book, dated and timed. I have already filled 9 A4 sheets with all the things they have said and done to me.

Everyone tells me to keep my head down and focus on my job, but the days drag slowly with them watching my every movement, and I feel very uncomfortable and upset just being there. I appreciate any replies, I just need someone to talk to.

OP posts:
happiertimes123 · 13/01/2023 18:55

Florissant · 13/01/2023 18:30

Thank you for the clarification on the payment, OP.

I'm not clear how you are being "treat[ed] differently to everyone else".

Well I wouldn't say it's particularly normal to be screamed at by your boss for being pregnant.

Eeiliethya · 13/01/2023 19:15

Can you start secretly recording them on your phone? Even just sound?

Perfumeofsummer · 13/01/2023 19:21

Thank you all again, lots of information to sift through tonight.

Yes I could record it but I’m assuming it cannot be used as evidence as I didn’t have their permission to record?

If I was to be signed off work when would I need to return to avoid losing SMP? Would it be between 17 weeks-25 weeks I would need to be in work? Sorry for all the questions I’m new to this and I don’t want to put myself in a bad position financially just because my boss wants me to leave.

OP posts:
MrsPinkCock · 13/01/2023 19:28

OP, it does sound like you could possibly claim for discrimination - for a pregnancy discrimination claim you just have to demonstrate unfavourable treatment on the grounds of pregnancy (I suppose if they just dislike you, it wouldn’t be on the grounds of pregnancy though).

If you have emails demonstrating their refusal to pay you (even if they relented) then it would certainly be open to a Tribunal to find in your favour on the other comments too, even if it is your word against theirs.

The claim would be decided on the balance of probabilities (ie is it more likely than not). If you can demonstrate that discrimination possibly occurred then the burden of proof is then in your employer to demonstrate that it didn’t (rather than you having to prove it did).

I would raise a grievance with all of the comments they’ve made - I know they don’t have an HR Dept but this is to protect your legal position and to use as future evidence. Hopefully they’ll ignore it or shut it down, which could mean a claim is even easier for you to bring.

Feel free to PM if you want any help.

Aprilx · 13/01/2023 19:34

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 13/01/2023 17:42

What? No she doesn't she sound aware there are some hard fought for legal rights.

Good luck OP.

It does sound weird thought doesn’t it. I have been in the workforce for over thirty years and have been on the planet for over fifty years and I have never ever heard of people being nasty to somebody because they are pregnant. And OP is talking about going on sick because she is pregnant. I think she does sound a bit difficult to be honest.

Sapphire387 · 13/01/2023 19:43

Aprilx · 13/01/2023 19:34

It does sound weird thought doesn’t it. I have been in the workforce for over thirty years and have been on the planet for over fifty years and I have never ever heard of people being nasty to somebody because they are pregnant. And OP is talking about going on sick because she is pregnant. I think she does sound a bit difficult to be honest.

Goodness me, so just because you've never heard of something happening, it can't possibly be true?

I work for a trade union. I've heard of this - plenty of times.

OP, I am taking it you are not a member of a union. Please call Pregnant Then Screwed.

My advice is this: You need to go on an evidence-gathering mission. Conduct your business via email - write this all out as a grievance. Ask them directly for the adjustments that you need for your pregnancy. Ask them to carry out a risk assessment for you.

Sapphire387 · 13/01/2023 19:45

Just read back- they have done a specific risk assessment for you already? Then list the occasions it has been ignored. In writing to them, via email.

Abitofalark · 13/01/2023 20:32

My heart goes out to you, feeling alone with no support in the workplace, especially when you are pregnant. No employer should be ganging up on you for being pregnant or even just for disliking you and certainly no boss should ever scream in your face or try to force you out to avoid paying your legal entitlement. Your situation at work sounds to me intolerable and not good for your health.

Can you talk to your husband at home or your mother, father or other family or do you bottle it up? I can't imagine they would not be concerned about your wellbeing and wanting to support you if they knew.

Get employment advice from ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) before you take steps at work.

"Acas helpline
The Acas helpline is for anyone who needs employment law or workplace advice, including employers, employees and workers.

Contact us for confidential, free advice. We can talk through:

any work-related problem or question you have

what the law says and how it relates to you

good practice at work

your options, including any risks and benefits

You do not have to give any personal details.
Helpline 0300 123 1100

Open Monday to Friday, 8am to 6pm."

Quveas · 14/01/2023 08:23

Aprilx · 13/01/2023 19:34

It does sound weird thought doesn’t it. I have been in the workforce for over thirty years and have been on the planet for over fifty years and I have never ever heard of people being nasty to somebody because they are pregnant. And OP is talking about going on sick because she is pregnant. I think she does sound a bit difficult to be honest.

I've worked for nearly 40 years, and on the planet for over 60 years. I have seen plenty of examples of preganant women being treated differently and discriminated against. You must lead a very sheltered life.

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