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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was she the reason he left ?

39 replies

justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:03

Is there any way in earth that a man who was married and had a newborn could be innocently texting his ex from ten years previous towards the end of the marriage ?

Nothing Romantic or sexual but innocent exchanges , yet he then left his wife and hooked up with said ex three months later.

Was she the reason he left or rather was a reconnection the reason he left?

He said he was desperate unhappy in the marriage but something tells me that this was a suitable excuse for anyone who asked him and his newly reconnected girlfriend.

OP posts:
milkymeg · 13/01/2023 16:04

In my experience most men don't leave until they have someone else to go to. Probably cynical but usually true.

forlornlorna1 · 13/01/2023 16:04

milkymeg · 13/01/2023 16:04

In my experience most men don't leave until they have someone else to go to. Probably cynical but usually true.

This

InsomniacVampire · 13/01/2023 16:18

I think it may have been both- he fancied a life with her (maybe never got over the breakup) but just the fact or reconnecting with someone childless and a vision of not having to spend sleepless nights with the baby he made could have been a spark...

A woman who takes in a man who just had a baby is equally classy...

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:27

Surely the woman he got together with is not to blame ???

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 13/01/2023 16:30

Surely the woman he got together with is not to blame ???

Would you want to be with a man who left his wife and baby??!

I certainly wouldn't. I'd have no respect for him.

Happin · 13/01/2023 16:33

Realistically, you'll never know unless you have proof or if he tells you. Chances are, she was the reason he left.

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:40

If she was the train he left then I have completely changed my
Opinion of him.
I don't care how' unhappy' he was ... texting your ex of years previous even if the content was innocent, while your wife is beside you in bed breast feeding their newborn child turns my stomach and not a man I would want anything to do with.

If he was that unhappy, then they could have tried counselling( didn't) or have left and coparented effectively ( didn't do that either) she was literally left with the baby,
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but the more I think of it, the more I think he's lying and did in fact leave because, coincidentally her relationship had just ended around that time that they started talking again, and it was an easy way out for him.
It's just too coincidental I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:41

*reason

OP posts:
Tothemoonandbackx · 13/01/2023 16:51

Who are you in all of this???

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:53

I am the woman who was contemplating having a relationship with this man.

They are over some years past despite getting together and spending a few years together. Didn't work out.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 13/01/2023 16:55

YABU. If you are the wife, get your thread moved to Relationships. If you are just doing a survey or from a tabloid, then admit it.

KirstenBlest · 13/01/2023 16:57

Cross-posted but I'd say you are the grass that is greener than sleepless nights and nappy changes.
He's a keeper, for sure. Not.

whattodo1975 · 13/01/2023 16:57

He wouldnt have left his wife and baby to get with you if he hadnt been texting you first.

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:58

@KirstenBlest huh???
I am a woman who's been speaking to this man and was considering a relationship with him.
My AIBU is questioning whether I was stupid to believe that he left as he was unhappy rather than having an old ex lined up from many years previous.

OP posts:
InsomniacVampire · 13/01/2023 16:58

So wait, are you ANOTHER woman who he was chatting to, but he left for an ex rather than you?

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 16:59

I am not the woman he was texting.
They got together and spent a few years together and now it's over.
This is his story and now I am talking to him and was considering a relationship with him, until he told me this.

OP posts:
Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 17:01

Yes he left his marriage.
Got with his now ex( second time round relationship) and they're over.
Now, we are chatting.

OP posts:
Tothemoonandbackx · 13/01/2023 17:04

Stay well away, if he can leave his wife and young child so easily, then he really can't be trusted to stay with anyone else.

InsomniacVampire · 13/01/2023 17:04

I think it seems this man is just looking for someone to shag/escape the routine with. I would not touch with a bargepole.

Happin · 13/01/2023 17:05

I'd swerve him, doesn't look good for him that he was texting the other woman whilst his wife was there with a newborn!

Original poster
justdoingasurvey · 13/01/2023 17:08

I've wasted weeks getting to know him and then he drops this bomb. It seems that everything else he has said and done has gone up in smoke as I instantly got a bad gut feeling.

OP posts:
Jusmakingit · 13/01/2023 17:10

Its entirely up to you, you know his history and past. If you like him enough give him a chance.

Everyone has a past , some arent great and im sure he doesnt need to be punished for the rest of his life if he was unhappy in his marriage and left.

You dont need a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you how to live your life. Just be cautious , you know the facts

Ponoka7 · 13/01/2023 17:10

He was a cheating husband and shit father, why do you think that he is relationship material?

MeinKraft · 13/01/2023 17:11

Jusmakingit · 13/01/2023 17:10

Its entirely up to you, you know his history and past. If you like him enough give him a chance.

Everyone has a past , some arent great and im sure he doesnt need to be punished for the rest of his life if he was unhappy in his marriage and left.

You dont need a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you how to live your life. Just be cautious , you know the facts

Yeah I agree. Definitely proceed with caution but I wouldn't totally write him off straight away.

InsomniacVampire · 13/01/2023 17:12

Jusmakingit · 13/01/2023 17:10

Its entirely up to you, you know his history and past. If you like him enough give him a chance.

Everyone has a past , some arent great and im sure he doesnt need to be punished for the rest of his life if he was unhappy in his marriage and left.

You dont need a bunch of strangers on the internet telling you how to live your life. Just be cautious , you know the facts

If he was unhappy, he should not have fathered a child and left a wife with a newborn ffs...
If OP is into shitty men, he's definitely a catch!

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