To think a relationship wouldn’t be easier just because you’re the same sex?

[pointofbreakking]

My friend and her boyfriend have a tumultuous relationship and she said to me if they don’t work out then she’d never be with a man again and she’d only date women. Said seriously and not a flippant comment.

Aibu to think that’s ridiculous and also ignorant. Assuming it’s just easy to date someone because they are the same sex as you regardless of whether you’re actually even attracted to that sex.

I’m all for experimenting but I think to do it based on an “easier life” assumption is not the one. .

Lol! It’s easy to see why people think that, but having been in relationships wirh both genders I can say for certain she is definitely wrong!

Can't understand it either.

I have had several straight male friends of mine who made such comments like: I must feel lucky to be gay and have a boyfriend to play computer games with me all day and have sex with each other all night. Not sure where they got that idea from, not from me😂

Oh, and this little gem: How do you cook if neither of you have a wife?

They were probably scared they might get their teeth punched right down their throats if they didn't agree with you 😉

This is insane. I've dated both men and women and in my experience, the 'pink pound' gay women won't even look at you unless you own your own home. One of my best friends is gay, a successful solicitor and renting with another solicitor, saving for a home of her own. She is stunning and a lovely person, but gets rejected due to not owning a home.

Then a relationship she had a couple of years ago, the woman was in fact married.

People are people, neither men or women are angels! It's down to the person

Honestly in my case being with a woman is a hell of a lot easier! Also a clean break from penises, literally, and figuratively, if you have come to associate them with all the worst attributes and experiences of the men you've dated. I've been married to a woman for a decade, never patronised, never humiliated, never taken for granted, never presumed to do the 'womens work'...everything is discussed and figured out as part of a team. Sure there are men like that (like gold dust) and there are controlling women out there too and quite a lot of same sex relationships can fall into completely heteronormative patterns anyway. But I can see her perspective as reasonable.. I basically chose no more men for a host of very good reasons from my own experiences. Back then it was bad form to say you chose because it was important to say it was not a choice in order to prove it was legitimate and natural. I was bi as a teen and gradually became gayer. Whether that was a growing up thing or a result of the shitness of (particular) men I don't know. In the end though, it felt like a choice based on where pain came from and where happiness came from so I actively looked for a female life partner cause it seemed sensible that would be a higher chance of decent human. ThenI met my wife, who is absolutely wonderful. Hope your friend find happiness one way or another too.

What you said doesn't make any sense because they said the comment and I didn't say anything for them to agree with. But I'm sure you found what you posted funny and clever though, for a second

@Keyansier

Love the cooking comment though I openly admit I checked dp (male, opposite sex) could do basic car maintenance before long into our relationship because it's the one thing I know nothing about! Gender roles and all that (Ps I do all the cooking)

Why would it any different? Plus if she chooses to date women, that suggests she doesn’t find women sexually attractive, so good luck with that and good luck to the poor woman she ends up in a sham relationship with.

Well, just simply explain to her that Lesbian divorce rates are high as well and are increasing, but given they are double that of Gay men, she may have more joy becoming trans and being able in a gay relationship.

I don't get the logic unless she has the idea that women are saints and men are <insert swear words here>

I’m a lesbian and I find this such an ignorant and simplistic view.

My marriage is as easy going as it gets. Wonderful in fact.

However, we've gay (female) friends who are married and whilst one of them is 100% easy going, the other is controlling AF. I definitely couldn't cope with the level of control as it's abusive afaic.

I don't know if it's myth but I read somewhere, where gay female relationships are the most abusive of all types.

I think I’m guilty of thinking this; I sit with my friends and everyone complains about men. I’m single. Surely it’d be easier to find a like minded woman than a man? I think what I want is for someone to share the mental load with rather than a shag, no energy for dating, I’ll be single till Dc are much older tbf.

I think this is a bit of a weird argument.

I love my DH but he is hard work (doesn’t do his share at all unless pushed, doesn’t even realise how little he does, and generally needs to be, no idea how to phrase this, looked after a bit, in order to be happy).

However, I really love him and that is that. If I found myself single, I wouldn’t want to live with a man ever again, not sure I would even be interested in dating (menopause, children etc). I wouldn’t mind living with a female friend.

But fundamentally, I am heterosexual and my sexuality would not change just because I might prefer my female friends in all other ways.

am I the odd one out feeling this way?

In my experience (as a woman) relationships with women are easier.

Gosh, I could never be with woman, I think it would be much much harder for me to work out what woman wants 😜, even though I think men are from different planet. I think if I divorced, I would never date again, regardless of sex. I have some lesbian colleagues and by no means they are simple to understand, they are just... normal people, have their own weird stuff etc. like all of us. Why would it be easy to date them?

There are far fewer gay women than there are straight men, so even if the average quality were higher, it would still be hard to find one. When I used to do online dating it was almost impossible to match with anyone in my area that I didn't already know.

😂Bloody hell, that's equal parts hilarious & worrying. I genuinely thought this level of ignorance had pretty much died out ...

You'd double your wardrobe though ...🤷🏻‍♀️

It's obviously ridiculous.

I would and have said the same thing. Dating women would be easier as a woman just because of the socialisation men get and the biology they don't share.

Naughty (but funny)

If we're going to take it seriously, then yes, obviously being with a woman is not easier than being with a man because it depends on the individual people. And no self-respecting lesbian is going to want a partner who only picked you because she thought you'd be less effort than her ex-boyfriend. But the one thing I think can be 'easier' in a same-sex relationship is that there are far fewer stereotypes and preconceptions about individual roles. So you have the freedom - but also have to - work things out for yourselves as a couple, and are less likely to just fall into existing patterns that you see as 'normal'.

For example with parenting, I know lots of lovely, very egalitarian straight couples who share the work etc. but at parties somehow it's always the dads hanging out drinking in the kitchen and having interesting conversations while the mums gradually all melt away to the living room to see what the toddlers are up to...

All the problems I have had with men was ALWAYS down to the expression of their sexism and expression of their maleness. Women don't have the same problem. Why would they.