Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter has her friend over, don't know what to do?

47 replies

heisacreep · 12/01/2023 16:31

My daughter (9) has a new friend (9) from school over for a play and dinner tonight. It felt a bit awkward in the car, the conversation, however, has seemed to relax now.

I've stayed out of their way and they have been playing in the living room, mainly jumping about and laughing and doing gymnastics and playing with our dogs. But now they are all quiet watching the iPad, they are chatting but much quieter.

Going to make their dinner at 5 pm. I just always feel worried about this stuff. At this age is it best to just leave them to entertain themselves? I worry that her friend might be bored or find my daughter 'weird' - she's more immature than others in her class I've noticed. Should I be organising something for them to do?

OP posts:
FortyFacedFuckers · 12/01/2023 16:32

Leave them to it & I'm sure she wouldn't want to come & play if your daughter was immature.

Anisina · 12/01/2023 16:32

Leave them to it.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 12/01/2023 16:32

Don't panic. It sounds nice! Tea at 5 sounds good! Sure they are having a nice time!

Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2023 16:34

You really need to allow your daughter to navigate her own relationships. Assist if asked, but otherwise leave them be.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/01/2023 16:35

When my dd (9) has a friend over now she usually wants me to go away and leave them to it 🤣. They will go in her room and watch YouTube or do gymnastics moves. As long as you check they're ok now and again and feed them they'll be happy.

DinnerThyme · 12/01/2023 16:36

Leave them to it. Most children think that parents are weird (we’re this strange alien species invented just to embarrass them) so, if I were you and worried about her thinking DD is “weird”, I’d stay as hidden as possible and not risk getting my weird parent-ness on them 😂 Also, most kids are weird and most kids like that about other kids. You’re doing fine and I’m sure DD is too.

Annabananna1 · 12/01/2023 16:37

No I wouldn't leave it I'd make the food now, or maybe give out a few salad bits as a 'starter' if it's not ready and long out the meal. Add a pudding. Sometimes it's just easier when they're eating & there's something extra to occupy

00100001 · 12/01/2023 16:38

Leave them to it.

If you must "organise" something. Get them to help set the table etc

Notyetacatlady · 12/01/2023 17:04

That’s why you have play dates so that your child can go off and play with the other child and you can sit in peace and stare at your phone. If mine tell me they are bored I just laugh and tell them to go play.
Its absolutely fine and they will be enjoying themselves. Also all 9 year olds are weird in some way so don’t worry.

Summerishere123 · 12/01/2023 17:05

My daughter is also a bit immature for her age. She is 7 and last time a friend came round she got into her pjs right in front of her. Didn't even keep her underwear on!
Sounds like it is going well so don't worry.

PrinceHaz · 12/01/2023 17:06

Generally leave them to it. If things got awkward when did this, I’d have simple craft activities available from Wilkos for thrm to do.

BunchHarman · 12/01/2023 17:14

What are you worried about? I’d enjoy the break.

Don’t simper about trying to organise things and show off and impress the visiting child, it won’t do your child any favours. Be normal and let them play.

butterfliedtwo · 12/01/2023 17:30

BunchHarman · 12/01/2023 17:14

What are you worried about? I’d enjoy the break.

Don’t simper about trying to organise things and show off and impress the visiting child, it won’t do your child any favours. Be normal and let them play.

Agree with this. At 9 you just want to play with your friend.

TheChosenTwo · 12/01/2023 17:32

Don’t micro manage them. Check in periodically and ask them both if they’re okay but the bonus of having friends round is that they tend to entertain themselves!

Benjispruce4 · 12/01/2023 17:36

The best bit about having friends over for me used to be that you got to have 2 hours of peace. Relax.

LeafHunter · 12/01/2023 17:37

I’d talk to your daughter beforehand - what would she find helpful - you to plan something or her to organise the play or both? I’d usually have a few suggestions like baking, planting seeds, park trip, painting etc in my pocket incase she seemed stuck. Sometimes children need a bit of help or teaching in how to navigate having friends round IME

Shoxfordian · 12/01/2023 17:38

You’re overthinking it: they’re happy watching some rubbish on YouTube

Shampern · 12/01/2023 17:42

I'm sure they have been organised, bossed about, far too much at school today already. Just let them relax and enjoy seeing their friendship develop under their own steam.

SleeplessInEngland · 12/01/2023 17:51

Why are you so worked up? They’re friends, let them get on with it.

dollymixtured · 12/01/2023 17:52

Talk about a helicopter parent! This is one of the strangest posts I have ever seen on MN

1hyuny · 12/01/2023 17:54

dollymixtured · 12/01/2023 17:52

Talk about a helicopter parent! This is one of the strangest posts I have ever seen on MN

Really?? It's not exactly penis beaker.

Beachhutnut · 12/01/2023 17:55

Leave for now but next time maybe say to your daughter no TV/ iPads on playdates that way they will interact more?

Newusername3kidss · 12/01/2023 18:00

Has she never had anyone over for a play before? We have a lot of play dates and I don’t really see them unless they come to ask for snacks/treats! By 9 I would have thought they would have been close friends by now as been at primary school together for ages? Leave them be. Just shout when dinner is ready!

Newusername3kidss · 12/01/2023 18:01

LeafHunter · 12/01/2023 17:37

I’d talk to your daughter beforehand - what would she find helpful - you to plan something or her to organise the play or both? I’d usually have a few suggestions like baking, planting seeds, park trip, painting etc in my pocket incase she seemed stuck. Sometimes children need a bit of help or teaching in how to navigate having friends round IME

Ha ha my boys would be fuming if I tried to “get involved “ and plan their play. At 4/5 years old maybe but not by 9!!!

Original poster
heisacreep · 12/01/2023 18:02

Newusername3kidss · 12/01/2023 18:00

Has she never had anyone over for a play before? We have a lot of play dates and I don’t really see them unless they come to ask for snacks/treats! By 9 I would have thought they would have been close friends by now as been at primary school together for ages? Leave them be. Just shout when dinner is ready!

Yes she has frequent play dates with her friends from primary, however, this is a new friend she has suddenly made in the class

OP posts: