Daughter has her friend over, don't know what to do?

[heisacreep]

My daughter (9) has a new friend (9) from school over for a play and dinner tonight. It felt a bit awkward in the car, the conversation, however, has seemed to relax now.

I've stayed out of their way and they have been playing in the living room, mainly jumping about and laughing and doing gymnastics and playing with our dogs. But now they are all quiet watching the iPad, they are chatting but much quieter.

Going to make their dinner at 5 pm. I just always feel worried about this stuff. At this age is it best to just leave them to entertain themselves? I worry that her friend might be bored or find my daughter 'weird' - she's more immature than others in her class I've noticed. Should I be organising something for them to do?

Oh it gets worse haha DS has been having friends over since he was about 7. Usually weekend runs and overnights. Was weird at first but I'm glad he had friends to invite. Now when he has a weekend sleepathon with a pal over Me and DH evict the downstairs, move upstairs and litrally leave them the run of downstairs like a mini bachelor pad haha. They sort the dogs out, grab thier own food, tidy up after themselves (no cooking i do main meal) and just generally learn some independence . Plus with DS been a Only it gives us chance to just not feel like we arnt providing enough entertainment for him ect

Why would they find your child weird. That’s an awful thing to write. That’s her friend. It’s you who is being weird/

As kindly as possible you are massively overthinking this. The whole point of a play date is to allow children to learn social skills on their own terms.

Of course you supervise and make sure they are OK and step in if someone becomes upset but micromanaging your child’s friendships will not help them learn these skills and honestly you will probably be in the way.

You sound quite anxious so I do understand this and of course you want your DD to have fun and be comfortable but they have to learn to manage this.

I used to worry about this kind of thing too! In my experience they have more fun playing by themselves. It's nice for kids to have some adult free time to do their own thing. Just keep an ear out for them - if you can trust your own kid on her own, that is. If they get bored they'll come to you. Also check they're ok with the meal you're planning and the timing of it, and offer them a drink and snack.

She needs to learn to navigate socialising on her own, especially if she is a bit immature. I would only intervene if it’s obviously a disaster. My sister would abandon play dates as a kid and ignore them sometimes so that kind of level might need a bit of help!

Leave them to it. Provide food. Make sure they both tidy up before friend goes. That's all you need to do.

I don't think I've got involved with any play date past the age of about 4. At 9 they can definitely manage themselves. If your daughter is quite young then likely this girls is too if they've been drawn to each other

Not sure I see any problem, sounds like normal behaviour for girls that age.

Get a grip

The irony

The friend just said she's 'kind of bored'. They are now playing some uno but not great if she's bored.

It's nearly 7pm though. That's a pretty long playmate so unsurprising they are getting bored.

Yeah I'm meant to have her till 8 pm till her mum finished work eeek

You're projecting your insecurities onto your daughter: will she be liked? Will she be judged? Will the friend want to come back?

Let her be.

The friend days she's bored? It sounds rude to me and that's her pb! Don't give it attention.

Sounds like you’re projecting your own insecurities onto your daughter

That's definitely tough with a new kid on a first play date and I revise my advice that you leave them to it and don't get involved. Can you get them washing up or loading the dishwasher etc? Or take dogs out for an evening walk? Or some pudding they can make?

Yes I probably am projecting my own insecurities on to my daughter. I had really issues with friends growing up. We were constantly falling out/Ieft out. I always think the same thing is going to happen to my daughter

She's not you and if she can love herself she'll make friends. Don't draw attention on the fact that you find her "immature" - it's not a thing for her and by pointing it out or making comments in relation to how she should behave with friends it becomes a thing! Let her be quirky is she is quirky (for example) and help her make it her strength!

I'm sure they're fine. In future maybe sort out a couple of craft activities they could do after their meal.

Well done for surviving.
I think until 8pm is very late for a 'play date' and was more akin to helping friend out with childcare.
If you do it again, then either make it shorter or have something low key planned for after tea such as a craft activity or just watch a DVD.

ok since your last post it now sounds like you have been used as free evening childcare for this other child.

So you have had her from school finished (approx 3.30) until 8pm? That isn't a play date, that's child care.

Yes I'd definitely arrange on a day where they don't need the childcare next time and end it at 6. Most 9 year olds would get a bit tired restless by 8pm and want to be at home rather than at someone's house they'd never been to before, especially on a school night. Don't see that as a reflection on your dd or your hosting