Family holiday

[Fullrecoveryispossible]

Going away with my dp, sister and her dh with their 2 kids, and my brother, his wife and their three kids. We are hiring a big cottage to stay in and they are both wanting to split the cost 3 ways. AIBU in standing my ground that me and dp shouldn’t be paying as much as they are considering it’s just us?

I'd pay by room but if you don't have kids why would you want to go on holiday with 5 of them? it doesn't sound much of a holiday.

Shockingly some people without children of their own like children, especially family! How can that be hard to understand?

But "want" is all very well, isn't it, if you are a childless couple but have plenty of disposable income to spend on more expensive school holiday flights. Some couples simply don't have the luxury of spare cash to pay towards their nieces/nephews bedrooms or a school holiday flight.

And really, no-one should be judging anyone as to what income they think they have as no-one knows what that income is going on. For all you know, they are saving up to fund IVF and want to keep that to themselves.

I agree with the separate accommodation suggestion!

However, failing that I think divide per room. Assuming rooms are fairly similar. But even if you were happy to pay more, dividing per room should be their suggestion.

Yeah true, it’s generally hen dos in a cottage/house that I’ve experienced this. family get aways always fine.

Yes, pay by room. If you went away you'd need a 1 bed place. Your siblings would need 2 or 3 bedroom places.
If you divide by 3 you're subsidising their holiday. I can see why it works for them!

I assume though that the family of five has two earners in it, just the same as the couple?

Give two points to adults (6x2=12) and one point to children (5). Divide the total by the total number of points (17).

Each group pays according to their points. So you and your DP pay 4 17ths; family of four pay 6 17ths; family of five pay 7/17ths.

Or adjust the points up/down if you think that’s fairer; 3 for adults 1 for kids? Regardless, no you should not pay the same.

this is how we do it for large groups of couples with 2/1/0 kids.

“oh don’t worry about that, i would love to contribute towards my nephew / niece joining us” OR if money an issue “oh thanks sis, appreciate it”

I rather fear that OP's siblings wouldn't appreciate that, though - and might even take against her for saying it. It doesn't sound like they're even considering that their children would be being subsidised - they just think 'children = free' and no more. I'd be very interested to know if they'd have the same attitude if the tables were turned - or if they stayed in a big place with two other friends who each had 5 children.

I assume though that the family of five has two earners in it, just the same as the couple?

What has that got to do with anything? Other than child-based financial assistance from the government (child benefit, CTCs etc), everybody knows that children cost their parents money. That's surely one of the big reasons that most families don't have large amounts of children, and many parents wait longer than they would otherwise prefer before/between having children - because they know they would need to find the money to pay for them.

Assuming the siblings do get child benefit etc from the government, are they going to throw that into this 'communal' mix to pay for everybody's needs for the week as well? Or does that only work one way?

This.

Seriously, if you can't even all agree on how to split the cost of accommodation, you are going to be having the same arguments over cost of everything.

We've happily holidayed with siblings and family a few times over the years, but ALWAYS hired two places next to each other. All living in one space is just going to end up with everyone compromising and no-one getting what they want, or people falling out over a number of things.

If you had to share for some reason, then it has to be split by the number of bedrooms, as that is what will put the cost up and up.

It's not mean to not want to subsidise others. It's the siblings who are being mean expecting their sister to subsidise their children.

It's not expecting the children to contribute, it's expecting their parents to pay for them. Why on earth do you think an aunt or uncle should be paying for kids instead of their own parents?

I'm the child free one in my family. My disposable income is lower than my siblings though. That can happen when you are single so there's only one income and not entitled to any state support. Whereas a couple with kids can have 2 incomes plus benefits.

Agree with this. And i doubt the OP gets the best bedroom.

Excellent point here. Add some distance for your sanity.

I like this!

Depends on accommodation or trip really. But not a chance me with 3 kids would expect to pay same as my sister. She would hate me for screwing her over. But I could look after her there then she would treat my kids and look after them like a proper family would. Nothing is equal money in family, fairness is about respecting everyone

Most definitely not split 3 ways. If each pair of parents has a room and each set of siblings has a room I'd expect you to pay 1/5 of the rental.

But no ones mentioned not liking each other have they. They're not quibbling over who had a starter in Wetherspoons. I'm surprised people expect them to subsidise other peoples family holidays

I think there needs to be a conversation about expectations before you go, otherwise this will not end well. The fairest way for the accommodation is to pay according to how many rooms you occupy, although personally with family I would be happy to do a three way split. I would however be really pissed off if every time you go out to eat the expectation of splitting things three ways would continue.

I might do this roughly when calculating food costs but not accomodation.

Te read the OP

the Op is talking about digging her heels in
the OP has started a thread about the issue

the holiday hasn’t even been paid for yet

and you don’t think this is a sign that this family may not exactly be the Brady Bunch?! 😂

I don’t have children, but I have nieces and nephews. We are not the kind of family that goes on holiday together, but if we were, I wouldn’t mind holidaying with children. To me it would be a novelty, not something I need a holiday from.

Split by room, or better still, get a place of your own.

I've never been so flush with cash that my money couldn’t be put to better use than subsidizing someone else’s vacation, though.

I didn't say they "should" I said that's what we've always done.
OP isn't single, they're in a couple so different situation to what you've described.

Another thing to work out is who will do the pre-departure cleaning, as the kids likely will cause most messes.