Page 4 | Benefits of marriage

FinallyHere · 11/01/2023 17:24

Timeforabiscuit · 11/01/2023 13:16

No inheritance tax to pay between spouses

This is the big one for me.

BubziOwl · 11/01/2023 20:08

Itloggedmeoutagain · 11/01/2023 14:33

On MN virtually no one changes their name
In real life, I think I know two women who did not change their name. I'm in my fifties so I'm talking my generation and also daughters of friends in their late 20s early 30s who married.
I married in my mid 20s and was widowed at 40. I changed my name because it was just what we did then. I am now remarried and I've changed again, simply because I wanted a whole new start. My husband said he didn't mind if I wanted to keep my previous name.
When I was widowed the admin side was quite smooth. I can't imagine dealing with all that at such a difficult time.

Yeah. I'm in my mid twenties, and I kept my own name but every single woman I know in their 20s - 30s who has got married has changed their name.

The only reason I haven't changed mine is that I've not bothered to send off the paperwork to dvla hmrc etc 🤷‍♀️

AnotherEmma · 11/01/2023 20:11

blesssedd · 11/01/2023 15:59

Me

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So it's in his interests to marry you; not in your interests to marry him. (Financially speaking, I mean - of course there are other factors.)

Glo1988 · 11/01/2023 20:13

I love being married and having that commitment to each other. Love him being my husband.

it has helped me see through rough patches, knowing I made those vows in church and having faith in my husband we’d work through things together.

JamMakingWannaBe · 11/01/2023 20:35

Cileymyrus · 11/01/2023 13:30

To be honest as the higher earner/holder of assets there aren’t many benefits for me. All it’s done is give dh the right to half my house and savings.

in hindsight I wouldn’t have given in to family pressure.

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I, thankfully, didn't give in to family pressure. Higher earner/asset holder and if I wasn't happy in the partnership I could leave tomorrow and he would get SFA. Kids have my surname.
Wills and Life Assurance are in place.

Ihatepcos · 11/01/2023 20:43

For me the reasons are as follows -

Being allowed to live together.
Being allowed to have sex.
Having more freedom in general.

Cileymyrus · 11/01/2023 20:45

Ihatepcos · 11/01/2023 20:43

For me the reasons are as follows -

Being allowed to live together.
Being allowed to have sex.
Having more freedom in general.

Are your family particularly religious or from a conservative culture?

Ihatepcos · 11/01/2023 20:46

Cileymyrus · 11/01/2023 20:45

Are your family particularly religious or from a conservative culture?

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Both really, I'm a gypsy and a Catholic: )

hoven · 11/01/2023 20:50

Stats show being married makes you less likely to have children who go to prison, children who obtain better results in education, higher earning children, children who experience less trauma than others. You are less likely to be a single parent, less likely to be on benefits and generally more affluent

SueVineer · 11/01/2023 20:54

blesssedd · 11/01/2023 13:09

Can we have a post that lists the wide ranging benefits of marriage?

I'll start - If you have children you will all have the same surname.

Why would you all have the same surname if you are married?

SueVineer · 11/01/2023 21:09

WoolyMammoth55 · 11/01/2023 13:42

OP, I'm another who is married but has kept my name - like MANY of my friends (I'm sure PP's 90% statistics are including many pensioner couples in the data, IMO name-changing is very old fashioned...)

The legal benefits have been really highlighted to me after a friend lost her DP very suddenly, very young last year. They were a trendy non-conformist couple who didn't vibe with marriage. They have 2 young kids. He died intestate and she had to go to his parents on her knees to beg for help at the worst moment of her life... Just awful.

That aside though, I had nothing practical on my mind when I got married - DH did the most amazing romantic proposal and I felt super in love and delighted to 'make it official'. We had a chill, lovely wedding that fit our budget and, although neither of us are Christian, it was very meaningful to us both make those vows.

I still love DH dearly and I love the stability that marriage gives to our family. We have our shit times (like everyone) and it's a reason not to bolt for the door.

Why did she have to go to his parents on her knees or otherwise? If he didn’t have a will, his whole estate would have gone to his children. As their mother she would have controlled that if they were minors. So what did his parents have to do with anything?

if he didn’t have life insurance, marriage wouldn’t help.

there are a lot of marriage myths on mn. It’s not for everyone. There are some benefits to marriage but things like “having someone to love you” isn’t one. marriage in itself won’t make anyone love you.

there are also many drawbacks to marriage too such as breakups are more complicated and your spouse can take your property on divorce. Oh and get you to financially support them as is happening to an increasing number of women.

SueVineer · 11/01/2023 21:14

hoven · 11/01/2023 20:50

Stats show being married makes you less likely to have children who go to prison, children who obtain better results in education, higher earning children, children who experience less trauma than others. You are less likely to be a single parent, less likely to be on benefits and generally more affluent

Stats don’t show that at all. It’s a correlation not a causal link. Unhappy dis functional poor people are less likely to be married and more likely to have those issues. Marriage will not improve their lot in itself.

single parents actually don’t have any negative effects on children once you take into account finances and any trauma.

SueVineer · 11/01/2023 21:15

JamMakingWannaBe · 11/01/2023 20:35

I, thankfully, didn't give in to family pressure. Higher earner/asset holder and if I wasn't happy in the partnership I could leave tomorrow and he would get SFA. Kids have my surname.
Wills and Life Assurance are in place.

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Nor me and I’m post break up so not being married definitely worked for me and my kids.

Vallmo47 · 11/01/2023 21:19

I do feel closer to my husband. I feel like it’s us against the world and every time I look at his ring I smile, he’s proud to be “mine”.
It makes me proud also, like a unit.

Kendodd · 11/01/2023 21:29

DoomedForLoneliness · 11/01/2023 13:25

No it’s not.

Quick googeling said 90% of women in uk take their husband’s name.

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That's depressing!

girlfriend44 · 11/01/2023 22:14

Sapphire387 · 11/01/2023 13:27

I'm married. We have three different surnames in our family of five.

Benefit of marriage = it 'feels' different to me, like you really have committed to each other. I appreciate not everyone will feel the same as I do, though.

The commitment is the staying together over tge years, not whether you've tied the knot.

girlfriend44 · 11/01/2023 22:16

Zebedee55 · 11/01/2023 15:18

Love and commitment.

But, from a pragmatic point of view, under current law, government departments don't recognise a couple that haven't been legally joined.

In order to claim any sort of widow/ers benefits, you need to have gone through a legal ceremony.

Love and commitment are still there even if you don't get married.
Some people who didn't marry whereas some who married are now divorced.

horseymum · 11/01/2023 22:21

Likely an unpopular opinion - I believe it's a gift from God. Some people have singleness as their gift and enjoy it, marriage isn't necessarily for everyone. I also believe it's good for society when people commit to each other ( whether Christians or not) and studies show it can be beneficial for children. It's more than a piece of paper for me but I appreciate that this is not the case for everyone and that a bad marriage can be detrimental to everyone.

Lmgify · 11/01/2023 22:24

For the pension

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 11/01/2023 23:30

If you are considering it I would say that as a woman you gain far less from a marriage than man does. Married women live shorter lives than their single peers, however men live longer if they are married.

Women with kids generally take on responsibility for the primary care of kids, house admin, school admin, social life organisation, running the home and garden, food shopping, house cleaning, laundry etc etc and have few hobbies while men are free to pursue their own hobbies guilt free leaving the wife at home with the kids. Thats my experience and what I see in all my friends relationships. Its tragic but true. Women become martyrs and men continue putting themselves first, front and centre. Correct me ice I'm wrong ladies.

hoven · 11/01/2023 23:36

@SueVineer

Yes it a correlational rather than causal link but a link nonetheless.

It is harder for children to become stable members of society coming from a 'broken home' compared to those in a nuclear family. Why would you choose to have the odds stacked against your children?

GFP · 12/01/2023 00:01

WoolyMammoth55 · 11/01/2023 13:42

OP, I'm another who is married but has kept my name - like MANY of my friends (I'm sure PP's 90% statistics are including many pensioner couples in the data, IMO name-changing is very old fashioned...)

The legal benefits have been really highlighted to me after a friend lost her DP very suddenly, very young last year. They were a trendy non-conformist couple who didn't vibe with marriage. They have 2 young kids. He died intestate and she had to go to his parents on her knees to beg for help at the worst moment of her life... Just awful.

That aside though, I had nothing practical on my mind when I got married - DH did the most amazing romantic proposal and I felt super in love and delighted to 'make it official'. We had a chill, lovely wedding that fit our budget and, although neither of us are Christian, it was very meaningful to us both make those vows.

I still love DH dearly and I love the stability that marriage gives to our family. We have our shit times (like everyone) and it's a reason not to bolt for the door.

Sorry to hear about your friend but begging to the ‘ILs’ on her knees is because they obviously didn’t have their affairs in order, as tragic as it is to lose someone early when they probably felt they didn’t need to.. Joint mortgage, joint account, named beneficiary on pensions and life insurance etc. would have sorted all this so I’m sorry but that is not a reason.

GFP · 12/01/2023 00:03

hoven · 11/01/2023 23:36

@SueVineer

Yes it a correlational rather than causal link but a link nonetheless.

It is harder for children to become stable members of society coming from a 'broken home' compared to those in a nuclear family. Why would you choose to have the odds stacked against your children?

Literally can’t stand sanctimonious comments like this who literally haven’t even got the imagination to conceive why all children don’t grow up in a nuclear family and are better off for it - why would you choose to stay in an abusive/unhappy situation? Why why? FFS

hoven · 12/01/2023 00:20

@GFP

I completely understand there are circumstances that mean not everyone has a nuclear family. However I think most reasons can be attributed to lack of sound decision making before conceiving

PuttingDownRoots · 12/01/2023 00:44

Means I've been able to move around Europe with my husband (whose employer gives precedence to married couples/civil partnership for housing, and spousal benefits like health care.
As a result of that... our eldest daughter is British by birth not British by descent, which means she can pass her British citizenship to her children.
DH employer also has death in service benefits for spouses.