Benefits of marriage

[blesssedd]

Can we have a post that lists the wide ranging benefits of marriage?

I'll start - If you have children you will all have the same surname.

If you come from a culturally conservative/religious background, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to have kids (ie evidence of sex).

On MN virtually no one changes their name
In real life, I think I know two women who did not change their name. I'm in my fifties so I'm talking my generation and also daughters of friends in their late 20s early 30s who married.
I married in my mid 20s and was widowed at 40. I changed my name because it was just what we did then. I am now remarried and I've changed again, simply because I wanted a whole new start. My husband said he didn't mind if I wanted to keep my previous name.
When I was widowed the admin side was quite smooth. I can't imagine dealing with all that at such a difficult time.

Some strange benefits here - 'someone having your back' - really?! Not always (look at the number of affairs!) and btw you do t have to be married to have someone's back.

An advantage would be if you are marrying someone with a lot more assets/money as when you marry it becomes half yours.

IHT

As regards the name thing, unfortunately I think the pp is right, many women are still changing their names, becoming sahm parents with no financial/pension cover. It's all so 1950s! Then you get the women who feel being a 'Mrs' is special !

In general conversation if you say “my husband” people understand your setup and that you are in a co-habiting family.

If you say “my partner/boyfriend” it doesn’t give the same level of information, and people will assume there’s less commitment and love, even if that’s not the case. They wouldn’t assume any kids belonged to him.

It’s nice to show the wedding pictures to your kids and explain that that’s when you decided to get together and be a family. Feels like a solid foundation.

I like the concept of a family having the same name as they are one unit.

These are benefits to me, not saying they are particularly tangible or relevant to others.

That citizens advice bureau link is all the info you need.

For me it was:
Protection of assets
No inheritance tax

I married for love, but if romantic meaning of marriage wouldn't matter to me, I would do it for above reasons.

Love and commitment.

But, from a pragmatic point of view, under current law, government departments don't recognise a couple that haven't been legally joined.

In order to claim any sort of widow/ers benefits, you need to have gone through a legal ceremony.

Assuming you're in a happy marriage (far from automatic, as evidenced by a million threads on here), it just feels different. My DH and I were together for more than 10 years before we got married and lived together for 5 of those years, so I assumed that nothing would really change after we married and it wouldn't feel particularly different. We already loved each other and were fully committed. We jointly owned our house and were in a very loving relationship.

But it absolutely did change, for both of us. There was definitely a greater feeling of being a family unit, a team of two, whatever you want to call it. Something about our relationship just felt deeper and more committed, which I actually find faintly ridiculous, as I never ever think couples who "only" live together are missing out or not fully committed to each other. It surprised both of us.

The only real benefits of marriage are for the non working or financially weaker of the partners (usually, though not always, the woman).

Marriage is a good insurance policy if you plan to take significant time out of work to raise children or if your spouse is much wealthier than you. It is very risky (and probably best avoided) if you have your own money.

Much later in life there are inheritance and pension benefits of marriage.

Bur really it comes down to whether you work or not. If you do it’s not worth it.

No😂 that amongst others! Like I love my dh! However this is realistically the only thing that changed. We lived like we were married before the event

We got married because it felt right and for me there's something about a public declaration that we intend to live together for the rest of our lives. Whilst not necessary for a permanent relationship the fact that we've both made a public declaration by getting married and being able to refer to each other as husband wife makes me feel more secure. I appreciate that others wouldn't feel the same. Also legal rights.

For me the main benefit is having legal protection regarding assets etc as I’m a sahm and don’t earn any money.

For personal reasons it’s feeling more connected emotionally- we’ve chosen to make those vows to one another. I like saying “my husband” instead of “my partner” and I like hearing him call me his wife. I feel like being married has made our relationship stronger.

This is a close fit to our situation.

Together for 15 years.
Halfway through 50/50 mortgage.
2 children 7 and 5.
Both earn equal amounts and contribute equally to bills.
Both have life insurance to benefit other person.

Estate worth less than £300k.

Only main difference is one has a pension and the other does not.

We get along fine and I'm not sure whether marriage is for us. It hasn't been up until now. Unless there is a legal benefit.

After working in education for 30 plus years I'd say 'families having the same surname' is utter nonsense and definitely not an advantage of marriage.

So many woman get saddled with a surname that is their ex dh's (and often his new wives!) but they keep it because it's their children's surname too.

Be realistic folk, is it 50% of marriages that end in divorce? Keep your surnames ladies!!!

OP is you or your DP that has the pension?

The only difference we saw was that people stopped assuming we could do huge life changes separately. Despite being together 10 years my DPs would suggest I get a job in Italy (which dh couldn't move to given his job) or mentors would suggest that I would retrain as something that would involve disrupting our household income for 5 years. Since marriage no one suggests this because they assume you have to consider the other person.

I know lots of married people who don’t have the same surname

Yep, we had all the legal stuff worked out before we first moved in together, with watertight wills leaving everything to each other and power of attorney set up etc. Day-to-day finances always on a fairly equal footing. I know we could have carried on perfectly happily as we were - there was no pressure from the families, neither of us is at all religious, we don't have children etc.

Basically there was no reason at all to get married, so I think the fact that we did it regardless made it seem like a big romantic commitment. It definitely brought us closer together when I wouldn't have thought we needed to be any closer than we were, kind of thing.

Me

We got married for the IHT benefits and because his defined benefit pension would DEFINITELY pay out to a bereaved spouse but only possibly to a bidie-in.

So we weren't expecting any benefit (apart from possibly the extra security when travelling to countries where in theory extramarital sex is a crime)...

BUT, then, one of us got a shares windfall. We were able to take advantage of tax-free transfers of shares and money between spouses to legally avoid CGT. Made back the cost of the wedding and then some!

Like a PP we were quite happy anyway, had wills, LPAs, death-in-service nominations etc all done, and were only doing it for the money, but, actually I do like it that he is now legally my family, his relatives now are legally related to me - even if (as we did it v quietly and told nobody) it's just us that know! Funny, but it's good, so I'm not complaining!

As some have pointed out marriage protects the person who earns less or if the woman decides to be a SAHM, plus other benefits with pension/should the spouse die. For me it wasn't so much about this, my husband and I are from similar backgrounds and earn similar amounts (me marginally more but a pay rise and he'll catch me up), neither of us rely on one another financially, we both have pensions, both paid into the house deposit/mortgage etc. For me though the benefit was having stability to bring children into the world, we made sure we were in a good place financially and then bought a house, got engaged, got married and had our first child. We had been together nearly 11 years when our first child arrived, we didn't need to get married but we wanted to as we felt marriage cemented our relationship. Our parents have both been married for 45 plus years, this is how we were raised and it's how I want things for my kids. A traditional old fashioned view, but for me being married was essential for me to have children. Had I not wanted children there would have been far less drive for me to marry.

It allowed me to become a British citizen without having to give up my original citizenship. Equally, it makes it possible for DH to obtain citizenship of my country of birth.

It's nice for a family to all have the same surname but that doesnt necessarily follow. I guess it's more common for children born outside of marriage to have the fathers name, and for the woman to take her husbands name on marriage, but so many different combinations are normal now. The children may not even be his, you could double barrel or younmay have used the same name even though you're not married.
Essentially I'm saying this is not a benefit of marriage

So many benefits imo but the big one for me is that we never know what is coming. Today you may be earning well, have a pension etc but tomorrow you could be afflicted by an illness or injury that renders you unable to work (or your child may become disabled so you have to stop work). Marriage provides a safety net for both parties and any children of the marriage. It should be a mutually supportive system on which a family can be built and nurtured.

For example when I married DH I earnt more, had a more promising career path and a much better pension. If I had posted on MN I would probably have been told not to marry him. 9 years later after multiple break downs at work due to Cptsd I am a SAHM having EMDR and hoping that I may one day work again but unlikely to have career.