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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting rejected for houses because we have dc

192 replies

Whatsthestitch · 10/01/2023 23:17

Little bit of a click bait but partly true

Me and dp currently live with an abusive parent and we are trying to leave. I have had dc so can't work and am on uc. Dp works full time. Even though we have money for a depoist and holding depoist I still don't understand how we can afford to move out!

Has anyone had experience of moving out on housing benefit? How did it work for you. I can't see any landlord accepting our situation and as our budget is so small (900pcm) most flats we see say they aren't family/children suitable. I didn't even think of the possibility of landlords/ladies discriminating against children. Surely a family of 3 living in a 1 bedroom isn't that overcrowded or absurd given the current climate. I'm willing to get a part time job but even that will only be about 2 days max as it will be family looking after dc for free childcare.

Help! Seeking advice and posting for traffic

OP posts:
AllyCatTown · 11/01/2023 06:45

Could you not get a full time job and have family watch your child for two days and put the child in nursery for the other days? It’s what I do. Of course nursery costs money but there are people who put their child in full time and they still gain money from it.

daybroke · 11/01/2023 06:50

Why can't you claim UC - you'll you housing element and most of your childcare costs paid?

rwalker · 11/01/2023 06:55

It’s not discrimination there’ll be people more suitable

supersonicginandtonic · 11/01/2023 06:58

Your child won't need to go to nursery full time if you only work part time.
Also if you are eligible for universal credit they will help pay towards your childcare costs.

Jimboscott0115 · 11/01/2023 06:59

Whatsthestitch · 10/01/2023 23:22

I meant I can't afford to work. Full time nursery costs will eat at any part time job I get and it can't be ft because I need to be home to look after dc whilst dp works

Do you have the option of evening work? I'd be surprised if the answer isn't no.

I'll be honest based on what you've said and say in your situation, not working is a choice and that choice has financial consequences which you're now seeing. I'm not saying I don't have sympathy because having a kid is hard and so is finding somewhere to live - but sacrifices have to be made and you and your partner should really look at working separate shifts to cover childcare and bring in extra money.

MelchiorsMistress · 11/01/2023 07:00

Why can’t you use childcare so that you can work?

It is not discriminatory to not rent to families that are too big for the size of property and who can’t afford it.

RoseMadderAsHell · 11/01/2023 07:05

If family will look after dc for 2 days then you'd only need to pay for 3 days childcare to work full time.
Not working is a choice you're allowed to make, but it comes with disadvantages.

HoppingPavlova · 11/01/2023 07:07

Do you not have a childcare option with extended hours that allows for working parents? This is what most working parents use as it allows drop off before work and pick up after work. Often couples swing it so one starts early and does pick up and the other starts later and does drop off, although many single parents have to do both on either end of the working day. Maybe this a few days a week and your in-laws the other days do you can work full time to help dig out of the hole you guys are in.

Ylvamoon · 11/01/2023 07:09

If you are not willing to go to work, then you are unfortunately stuck with your housing situation indefinitely.

I don't think it's discrimination if a landlord says you can't have a 1 bedroom flat for a family of 3.... maybe if the flat is still unoccupied in 3- 6 months you might have a case?

Username721 · 11/01/2023 07:20

No decent landlord will rent a one bedroom property to a family of three. Kids grow fast and they’ll be worried that they’ll bear the brunt of you having to move out, the property being left in a state etc. There are also probably mortgage restrictions on this and fire safety issues.

As a PP asked, why do you need full time childcare in order to work part time?

I think your best option is to get a job (maybe nightshift?) which works around your DPs shifts. It’s obviously not ideal but it’s what thousands of parents do. I can’t imagine rental prices dropping so significantly to give you any other choice.

BodyShapeWoes · 11/01/2023 07:21

There is a major shortage of rentals at the moment, we were refused loads of times…

Reasons we were given were, we had a dog, we had a cat, we had children, one place went with a couple (with 3 x dogs) over us as we have children, we didn’t earn enough (joint income of 55k wasn’t enough wtf) one place wanted £50 a month for each pet on top of £1750 a month rent.

It was a nightmare to be honest.

I mean this as gently as I can but you need to find a job working around your other half, partly to make yourself more attractive to landlords and partly to boost your income.

Teateaandmoretea · 11/01/2023 07:24

Round here you would need to get the relative to evict you, move into temporary accommodation and apply for social housing. It would work in this area.

ArcticSkewer · 11/01/2023 07:29

Have your circumstances changed since you decided to have a baby? What was your plan at the time? It's only 18 months or so ago - were you working then? What do you do? I'd be amazed if you couldn't find evening shifts in a supermarket nearby, for example. Might not be your original plan but would bring in some money.
You appear clueless about benefits. Do some more research or visit a drop in advice centre for more information about UC rental and childcare elements.
Make sure your contraceptives are rock solid

Overthebow · 11/01/2023 07:32

Jimboscott0115 · 11/01/2023 06:59

Do you have the option of evening work? I'd be surprised if the answer isn't no.

I'll be honest based on what you've said and say in your situation, not working is a choice and that choice has financial consequences which you're now seeing. I'm not saying I don't have sympathy because having a kid is hard and so is finding somewhere to live - but sacrifices have to be made and you and your partner should really look at working separate shifts to cover childcare and bring in extra money.

Show quote history

I agree with this. You need to help yourself and that means working to be able to afford what you want. Loads of us with DC manage to work, rent and buy houses. You could work full time, have 2 days free childcare from family and then 3 days of childminder.

Greenfairydust · 11/01/2023 07:33

OP have you tried approaching housing associations for a rental property?
They might be a better bet for your than private landlords/estate agents.

Could you maybe me move to a different area?

And of course there is an element of discrimination in this, maybe not in the legal sense, but they are stereotyping families on lower incomes or/and benefits and having a blanket approach by refusing to rent to them.

redskydelight · 11/01/2023 07:37

If family will watch the DC for 2 days, and DH is about in evenings and weekends, that's quite a lot of hours that you could work without paying for childcare. Yes, it will be tough, but unfortunately that's the reality for many families with small children now.

What was your plan before you had DC? Why isn't that workable now?

SheWoreYellow · 11/01/2023 07:38

SchrodingersKettle · 11/01/2023 06:31

how big is the house you are currently crammed into? If it’s 5 of you including a baby/toddler plus a parent, I’m guessing it could be 3 bedrooms (assuming baby is in your room). no wonder it’s gotten stressful!

Six people in a normal size 3 bed house is hard work. Imagine 5 of you squeezed in a 1 bed - that will be a nightmare.

Are your older 2 kids at school then? If you are low income you can get good support to help with childcare. Getting yourself in FT work is your best bet - use the before and after school clubs for wrap around care for the kids or use a childminder if you can find one. find a nursery as close as possible to school and get yourself on the waitlist.

In school holidays if you can’t afford the school’s holiday club then you and DH split your work vacation to provide as much cover as possible and request unpaid leave for the rest. Your baby can go to FT nursery so you should find it’s only shut on Bank holidays

I know it feels logistically impossible, and yes it is incredibly hard work, but it really is your best chance I think.

also - and I mean this with kindness - vasectomy AND rock-solid contraceptives as 3 kids is already unaffordable. Big families are only for the wealthy these days.

Where have you got the extra people from? The OP has one child.

daybroke · 11/01/2023 07:40

Is MIL the person you are living with? Or is that someone else?

PinkButtercups · 11/01/2023 07:43

I can't see many landlords accepting someone for a one bedroom with a 1 year old.
You need a 2 bedroom and around here most landlords do not accept any form of benefit.

Do you have to tell them you get benefits? I didn't think you did anymore.

FlamingoQueen · 11/01/2023 07:45

Could you live with MIL if she is going to do a couple of days childcare? Apologies, if she is the abusive parent in this situation (I assumed not if you want your child to be looked after by them).

watchfulwishes · 11/01/2023 07:46

Whatsthestitch · 10/01/2023 23:29

@Babyroobs you aren't allowed to claim UC whilst on housing benefit. It's why I have to cancel my uc claim now to make us eligible for housing

You need to go to see a benefits advisor or Citizens Advice Bureau. Many people claim support for housing as part of their UC claim.

I feel you are in a difficult situation and need more help.

I also fully understand that the cost of childcare is such that working becomes not worth doing. The government need to address this issue in the system, but until they do we are where we are.

Gazelda · 11/01/2023 07:47

Can you post your budget (here or on moneysavingexpert form) so that people can help you work out the best way to increase the amount you can afford for rent?

NoNoNadaNo · 11/01/2023 07:53
  1. Don't cancel your UC claim! You can't claim housing benefit, it's a legacy benefit that's being phased out. UC have a housing element that will be added to your UC claim when you tell them you've moved into rented accommodation. It will be the same amount as housing benefit would have been.
  2. In the place we used to live (close to London) we knew quite a few families who couldn't afford a house with separate bedrooms for their child/children. The way they convinced landlords to let to them was to say that they would have a sofa bed in the living room that the parents would sleep on, kids would have the bedroom. Plenty of people forgo a living room in order to afford a place to live. We live in a cheaper area now, but still have friends who are having to make this choice. It's quite common in other countries (like Japan and Korea) to not have dedicated bedrooms, just roll out beds.
whataboutsecondbreakfast · 11/01/2023 07:55

You need to get a job - that's the reality. If you want to move out and get your own place, you can't afford to be a SAHP.

Wonnle · 11/01/2023 07:56

So you are not being rejected at all then , having never tried to rent anywhere

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