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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be posting almost exactly the same thread 10 years later?

62 replies

LindorDoubleChoc · 10/01/2023 21:11

Oh blimey here we go round again.

PIL significant wedding anniversary coming up next year.

They have two dc - my husband and his brother.

They have four gdc - we have two and bil has two, all very similar ages (19-23).

Pil have no spare money. They are pensioners on basic state pension, no savings, don't even own their own home.

Bil wants us all, all 10 adults of us, to go to a holiday cottage away to mark their anniversary.

Cost to Bil's family and our family will be £1500+ because PIL can't contribute at all and this would be our gift to them.

AIBU to say no to spending £1500 on their wedding anniversary? We have 0 in savings and tightening our belts massively due to utilities and mortgage increase and inflation. On paper we should be able to afford this but only if we give up the chance of having a summer holiday this year.

OP posts:
Mischance · 10/01/2023 22:27

It is worth thinking about what the PIL might want. I think that as people age the hurly-burly of all the family can be a bit OTT. Might they prefer a nice meal out, a theatre trip, a home celebration? Have they been asked?

It seems a huge amount of ,money, unless you are all absolutely sure this is what they would like.

BloodyHellHarry · 10/01/2023 22:27

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 10/01/2023 21:19

I'd say no and suggest a narrow boat day out & a nice meal.

Sorry but that really made me laugh. A narrow boat day out is quite an unusual choice for a milestone anniversary celebration 😂

StoneofDestiny · 10/01/2023 22:28

Bonkers - book them a nice meal out together or send them some flowers. It's just a wedding anniversary personal to them.

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/01/2023 22:30

I laughed about the narrowboat too. I also laughed about splits in the hot tub.

SeenAndNot · 10/01/2023 22:34

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it.

Roundabout78 · 10/01/2023 22:39

BloodyHellHarry · 10/01/2023 22:27

Sorry but that really made me laugh. A narrow boat day out is quite an unusual choice for a milestone anniversary celebration 😂

Show quote history

Properly chuckling at this- only because I agree with is a really unusual suggestion, however our family have celebrated a milestone anniversary doing exactly this! 😁 perhaps not so unusual after all.

Overthebow · 10/01/2023 22:39

If you have 0 in savings then you can’t afford to go and can’t afford a summer holiday either.

Original poster
LindorDoubleChoc · 10/01/2023 22:44

10 years ago something similar was suggested and I put my foot down then. Had a long and very entertaining thread on here about it ... might try and dig it out.

In the end we all went away somewhere on the cheap ... pil's wealthy friends offered up their holiday home.

We all love them but don't want to spend days in their company plus bil and family. The cousins see each other once or twice a year and aren't close.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 10/01/2023 22:48

Let BiL take them away for week if he wants to do that. Instead you pay £200 to pay for them to have weekend break on Woucher with evening meal included on first night (Saturday) and breakfast in morning (Sunday). In Nottingham we stayed at hotel with swimming pool, sauna and steam room. They could go to a National Trust property on the Sunday and have a cream tea.

SuperPup86 · 10/01/2023 22:50

Why is it costing £3k in total?

I mean, you shouldn't feel obliged to spend anything - but £3k is a LOT to spend on a UK cottage, even for ten adults. Unless you're planning on a full week or ten ays or something which is a bit OTT.

Isn't there a middle ground? Look for weekend break but a far cheaper one.

We rented a lovely cottage last year for a weekend for £850 (5 beds). But we could have gone a couple of hundred quid cheaper and still had a lovely one.

LetsDoThis2023 · 10/01/2023 22:58

SuperPup86 · 10/01/2023 22:50

Why is it costing £3k in total?

I mean, you shouldn't feel obliged to spend anything - but £3k is a LOT to spend on a UK cottage, even for ten adults. Unless you're planning on a full week or ten ays or something which is a bit OTT.

Isn't there a middle ground? Look for weekend break but a far cheaper one.

We rented a lovely cottage last year for a weekend for £850 (5 beds). But we could have gone a couple of hundred quid cheaper and still had a lovely one.

Well if it's £850 for a weekend them £3k for twice the amount of people fir a whole week makes sense!!

Penguinsaregreat · 10/01/2023 22:59

Yanbu.
Ridiculous idea.
Who the hell spends £1500 on someone else’s anniversary when you don’t even have the money?
No, suggest taking them out for a meal. Only if that’s what they’d like though.

Gh12345 · 10/01/2023 23:07

As if there’s actually 6% of people on this thread that think you’re being unreasonable.

SuperPup86 · 10/01/2023 23:09

Well if it's £850 for a weekend them £3k for twice the amount of people fir a whole week makes sense!!

@LetsDoThis2023 I meant 5 bedrooms by '5 beds'. There were 9 of us but the cottage slept up to 11.

Iloveacurry · 10/01/2023 23:20

Good luck getting the ‘kids’ to go.

ConsuelaHammock · 10/01/2023 23:29

If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. Sounds like you can’t afford a family holiday this year either. I’d try to get a few months emergency money saved now that your children have grown up.

Januarysux · 10/01/2023 23:40

How old are they? Is this likely to be their last time to have a trip away with you all? That would make a difference for me. I think a weekend would be a much better idea, and more likely to get the gc to agree too. And look yourself for better prices. But what your dh wants is pretty important here too

twoandcooplease · 10/01/2023 23:58

Please do look out the thread for us to have a read.
But. You weren't unreasonable to put your foot down then. And you're definitely not unreasonable to do it again 10yrs later
Don't they realise there's a cost of living crisis. Blimey. If they don't have savings how are a married couple of two going to?

ClaryFairchild · 11/01/2023 02:52

So you could afford it but it would mean no family holiday this year?

Call a spade a spade.

I won't be able to afford a holiday this year because I will be spending money in getting my DC and myself to nieces/nephews weddings (several over the next 2 years).

I value them enough to want to spend my money that way.

If you don't want to do it, don't. But stop pretending why.

HerringBoneBlanket · 11/01/2023 03:34

There are definitely cheaper options - you can hire out whole YHA places for example. Or all have a hotel room in the same place, able to have your own space a bit. Also, could your adult DC not pay for their portion?

However, there is no way I would do this unless I wanted to and thought we would all enjoy it.

A nice meal out, a photo of you all together, that should be enough!

PinkSyCo · 11/01/2023 03:45

I think it’s lovely that your BIL wants to do this for his parents, but if you’d rather spend your money on a more intimate holiday just for your close family that is of course your prerogative and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about that.

ZekeZeke · 11/01/2023 04:20

Look at cheaper options.
You have a year to save. Its amazing how even the smallest amount put away weekly can add up.

Get your DH to speak with his brother.

ImBlueDab · 11/01/2023 07:02

It's a lovely thought and if you could afford it and like their company go for it. But it sounds like you can't afford it and don't like them that much. So don't do it. £1500 and a week holiday from work is a lot to give up

Marie2023 · 11/01/2023 07:08

I don’t think that sounds much fun. Especially if money is tight. Maybe ask the PIL what they want to do, but keep it to a day thing?

For my PIL’s anniversary we booked them afternoon tea on a llama farm ☕️ 🫖 🦙 🦙. They HATED it and are still moaning about it years later 😄.

hoppityscotch · 11/01/2023 07:09

Money's tight, COL and a that and suggest a day trip