To persuade him to stay.

[LegoFlowers]

Hello Everyone,

Just in some need of advice, I’m feeling pretty guilty right now.

DS13 plays football for a premier league youth academy; he has been with the club for almost 6 years now.

Today; he has decided that he no longer wants to play football, he is very intelligent academically and has decided that he wants to focus more on coding and other subjects.

I am pretty shocked, during his time with the club they’ve released so many other children from his squad, he has also had a lot of other teams interested in him, but has always showed his loyalty to the club.

He was due to go training tonight, I’ve had to call and say that he isn’t feeling too good.

I have tried speaking to him, but he is adamant that doesn’t want to play no more.

Today; he has decided that he no longer wants to play football, he is very intelligent academically and has decided that he wants to focus more on coding and other subjects

If that's genuinely his reason then I'm afraid YABU. I'd be doing a bit of digging to find out if there's something more going on though

I’d be encouraging his academics personally. He sounds a very sensible young lad. So, so many get released at 16-17 that surely you know the odds of him ‘making it’ are remarkably low?

He's 13. Sounds like he's already made his own mind up. I'd er on caution though and suggest he see the season/term out and use that time to confirm there's nothing else going on to make him feel this way.

Yes, I am fully aware of that. I wouldn’t want him to leave then regret his decision.

I'm going to say this and it'll piss some people off but I'm going to say it anyway; your son is not your ticket to wealth if he ends up being good enough to play for premier league football.

Let him go and study the subjects he wants to, rather than talking him into things he doesn't want.

The rule in our house is that if you’ve had enough of a particular activity, you have to see the term out. Stops impulsive decisions, and gives some thinking time. If, having had time to reflect, DC are still saying they want to stop, then so be it

I'd tell him he has to see the season out, he has a responsibility to his team and that in itself is a life lesson.

But, ultimately if he wants to stop then it's his choice but he should fulfil the commitment he made.

He should see the term out and then have a great leaving party with his mates.

Also, does the club have a youth counsellor or career advisor who he could meet with to discuss options.

I beg your pardon?

This has got nothing to do with money, we are already financially stable. I am upset due to the fact that football is something that my son enjoys and looks forward to.

He is well liked amongst his team mates and has made some very good friends along the way, I just don’t want him to regret it.

I do not understand why you think I’d use him as a “ticket to wealth”

I think this is fair and is how I would approach it.

it’s fine to stop doing things you no longer enjoy or to make time / room for other hobbies but he has to know that sometimes you have to honour your commitments, especially if it is a team or a group and you’re a pivotal part of it.

When my friend's son was in the same situation it turned out he was being picked on by some of the other boys. So I'd want to check there's nothing like that going on.

Has this suddenly come out of the blue? I would be concerned that a sudden change of heart would be because either someone at the club is bullying him or upsetting him in some way, or someone at school has said something about him spending too much time on football.
It's a big decision, so while I would respect his wishes, I think I would want to have some gentle chats to try and find out if there's something else going on first.

He doesn't want to. Dont force him. You sound like such a pushy parent.
You won't be able to drag him out the door so dont make this harder..leave the boy alone.

Hello,

I am glad that someone actually understands, as previously stated my son has been VERY loyal and to his club, he had the opportunity to go and play for the team he supports but turned them down without a second doubt.

I just want the best for him 🙂

If the decision is utterly out of the blue I'd be checking nothing else is going on. If he's been talking about quitting for a while, and this is was his right I'm done chat, I'd tell him he has to play out the term/ season. Munger stand wanting to stop something, but he shouldn't let down his team mates at the same time

Yes, this is completely out of the blue that’s the reason I am so baffled.

He always looks forward to tournaments (travelling abroad) and away games, he also considers his team as his second family and is in regular contact with them everyday via the group chat.

Thank you.

Another person that also understands, I don’t want him to drop out just like that, he has shown loyalty, I don’t think he is aware of what he will be giving up.

Manager is very happy with him, he currently plays for U14s but also plays on the older boys squad too.

I just want to persuade him to see it out for at least another term, he is still in contract.

I don’t think you sound pushy at all (possibly some jealousy conning in on these posts?). You sound like you’re worried that he’s, fairly suddenly, giving up something that he’s obviously very talented at and has enjoyed. And if he gives it up he won’t get another shot. Even if he fails he can do exams later. I went to uni three years later because I worked and travelled with my sport/hobby. While his wishes are obviously very important, this sounds like it needs more investigation. Could you speak to his club?

It’s up to him, isn’t it?

By all means talk through the pros and cons with him, and make sure he thinks about it carefully, but ultimately up to him.

If it’s out of the blue and he’s always been enthusiastic I’d be doing a bit of gentle digging to see if there’s something more to his decision.

Hello,

I would not want to think that grown adults are jealous of my son ☹️

Yes that’s what is worrying me, it’s just so out of the blue.

My son doesn’t usually like missing training, there’s been times when he has been ill and he has still gone and gave it 100%. He always tries his utmost best in everything he does.

Yes, I am going to speak to the club tomorrow.

And also; my son doesn’t have a dream or making it “pro” from around the age of 9 he has said whatever happens, he’ll always be grateful for the experience and the memories of playing for the club and if even one of his current squad members make it, he’ll be happy.

Please understand, that my son doesn’t want to be famous or rich, we are already financially stable and my son is very humble, he doesn’t like to speak about football with his school friends or family.

So for the person/people who think I’m a pushy parent and want to benefit from my sons talent, in future please think before you type.

This ^ PS I have a few friends who gave up high level sport as teens on a "spur of the moment" thought at 16/17/18 to pursue more "academic" options including medicine and law. They've all regretted not seeing how it could have turned out!

I am going to speak to him in the morning, if he still feels the same way I’ll call the club.

Good luck OP - hope the club will help you to support him. Sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job already 🙂