To not send my child to the best grammar?

[Incaspider]

My child is academically gifted and has passed the 11plus with enough points to go to a super selective grammar in kent.
However, he is autistic and struggles massively in busy environments. The grammar is a 6 form entry with 30 per class.

My options are to send him to the grammar because academia is his "thing". Or to send him to a much smaller, private school which is far less academic but also less stressful for him as they only have 30 per year and that is divided into at least 2 groups for each subject.

I can't work out where he'll do best!

Thank you for all the replies. Lots to think about.

Are both schools oversubscribed? If he tried the grammar and hated it, could he swap to the private school?
What ASD support is offerred at both schools?
I would imagine there is a larger "pool" of potential friends to choose from at the larger school.

I was forced by my dm to go to a private school and then a grammar.

I deffered to her longer life experience and whilst I was terrified at the time I appreciate that she had the best intentions that one can't take away ones education.

I think it's important to ask DC but also remember they have a different perspective on life.

However, none of us can know your child needs.... smaller private maybe better? But would it stretch him?

Y what is Sen provison quite a few people had autism at my school

So much depends on the specific grammar school ethos. I’ve heard that Judd for example has a lot of autistic children but that TWGSB is more sporty and “anti-geek” 🤷‍♀️

I would lean towards putting him in a grammar but being ready to pull him out quickly if it doesn’t go well. You can probably move him from grammar to private but not the other way.

J has a lot of neurodiverse students and are well set up to support them. Mine joined in the sixth form, they have several staff who are mental health first aid trained, have a quiet room where students can go if they just need time out, they have a lot of knowledge and experience. Can you phone them and arrange a visit,
and maybe have a chat with someone from the pastoral care team?

My J sixth formers - one has ASD, the other had a quite severe MH issue, as a family we couldn't have asked for better support. Both went on to the universities of their choice and are doing great.