To ask how you do it if working full time

[willithappen]

Myself and partner both work full time, dd is one and goes to nursery for three days a week and grandparents for the other two
We are not home until 5 and at this point still need to walk dogs, prepare supper, do any general housework needed, feed dd and put her to bed

Do we just do feed dd, bath and bed straight away? It's a bit exhausting after work and need food ourselves too, plus want to spend time with dd in the evening but worried it's doing her more harm if she's up later. Right now I just kind of follow her lead and if I see she's tired we get her to bed then so not really a routine but know I need to introduce one. Just struggling since our days are never the same and one evening a week she is with grandparents until late as we both go to the same hobby (need this for sanity really, don't want to have to drop it).

Do I need an exact routine every night for dd and to help her sleep? We have sort of co-slept for a few months now because it's been the easiest on sleep but starting to think about that transition to her own room

Yip it's all go

I am enjoying no longer needing to cook 15 minute meals / bulk bake at weekend etc!

Home at 5 dinner at 530 half hour play and then wind down

I found it easier at this age to get into a routine as it gave us all more energy actually, and we got more of an evening DH and I. We also split the tasks - so one prepped dinner/took dog round the block (she gets a longer walk in the morning)/cleaned up after dinner while the other one got DD from nursery and then did her bath and bed after dinner. Then we would get some time together in an evening, and were fairly on top of things so that come the weekend there wasn't masses to do.

I have no idea how both parents can work FT, have kids, pets and run a household. I take my hat off to those that do. Consider the impact of not spending time with her carefully. Are you making elaborate dinners because in my opinion that’s a waste of time. 5pm-7pm should be spent focusing on her. You both eat once she’s in bed.

A cleaner would be helpful?

We both worked FT and my commute meant I leave at 7.30am and get home around 7pm. DH was a bit more flexible, leaving later in the morning then doing occasional days WFH.

Not going to lie, the early years were tough, and we all hated it. Some days I was barely getting an hour with DS in the evenings. Housekeeping standards fell off a cliff. Dinners were whatever got on the table quick.

It's easier now 10 years on, Covid was 2 years of WFH which was fabulous for our family and DS thrived with us at home. But now I'm back to my long days commuting to work, and hoping to get 2 days WFH so at least I've a few hours commuting time clawed back. And 5 years from now, DS can get the bus and let himself in and make a sandwich until we get home.

Actually I'd say eat with her early together

We do very little housework and certainly couldn't cope with a dog on top. At one point I googled a lot of super quick dinners to get on the table in about 20 mins. Batch cooking is also great.

Yeah it’s crazy - we have a fairly good routine now and it’s easier ! She eats at nursery at 4.15 and then she only needs some toast or a bowl of porridge when she gets home

put her into the bath as soon as we are home - about 5.30

then she sits on the sofa with me and has a bit of toast or porridge at 6 - we play then for an hour and then we watch an episode of in the night garden having a cuddle on the sofa

then into her room read 3 books, and she’s in the cot by 8.

whichever one of us is doing the bath the other prepares the snack - then one of us gets our dinner ready while the other is putting her to bed! Very simple dinners - usually something defrosted from the freezer (leftover chili or pasta sauce we batch cooked) or beans on toast, or a quick stir fry)
not gonna lie there’s been evenings when my husband just runs out to McDonald’s while I’m putting my daughter to bed just to make life easier!

we can’t really afford a cleaner right now but if we could I’d do that!

I work from home one day and husband does 2 days so we manage to stay on top of laundry by sticking a wash on while going to get a cup of tea or whatever / lunch break to hang it up

we chose one room a day ti give a quick clean (not sure you’ve heard of organised mum method) but we do a loose version of this and it keeps the place from getting really messy or dirty.

I'm definitely going to have to start meal plan/prep and go for things that are quick to get out there I think. That may be where our downfall is

I've never really been bothered by having an evening to 'myself'. I do have my hobby which I get to do and if I'm not doing that or working then I like to be with dd. At the moment it doesn't seem to be affecting DP and I's time together. I just want the sleep sorted because I want to do what's best for her and not me being selfish and letting her up later than she should be

It's definitely not easy is it

There is no right or wrong way of doing this and you don't need to justify your hobby to anyone. For me, I live and die by a routine but it's not for everyone or every child.

If you're getting home at 5pm, I'd probably do bath time and make it really fun, I used to get in the bath with my dd every evening and my dh would get home, he'd take over getting her out of bath and I'd prep tea. We'd eat together about 6/6.15 and then get dd into bed for 7ish with a story. Dinner in the week were simple affairs, I used a slow cooker a lot and batch cooked at weekends so I could just throw something in the oven when I got home.

Then we do a load of washing, sort out clothes/food for the next day, maybe run a hoover around, hour of TV and bed.

My advice is to outsource what you can (cleaner maybe?) Try not to stress about stuff that doesn't matter and use help when you can.

On your hobby evening can grandparent's put dd to bed at your house so her routine is roughly the same? Or if not, get them to give her tea and get her in her pyjamas ready for bed so the hard work has been done for you.

we have incredibly low standards in terms of housework and what constitutes a meal

Here's what we do-

1. Cleaner
2. Dog Walker
3. Lower your standards. Does she need a bath every night?
4. Eat together- DD eats at nursery so just a small plate of what we're having- I batch cook a lot at weekends and always have some cook from frozen stuff I can pull out like frozen fish and peas
5. DD goes to bed between 730 and 8 which is a bit on the late side but she has great naps at nursery and is a happy little thing
6. Whoever doesn't put DD to bed cleans down the kitchen and puts a load of washing on/ does some ironing
7. Prep nursery bags and outfits etc the day before
8. Go to bed early so you can get up before work and do anything outstanding

At risk of incurring the wrath of Mumsnet, she really doesn't need a bath every day, so I'd cut that out straight away.

Presumably the grandparents feed her both lunch and tea when they are looking after her so it is just yourselves on those days in which case you can eat later. If GP's aren't feeding her both meals then ask them to start.

Get things done in the morning before work - a load of laundry, evening meal prep, etc.

If you can afford it, get a dog walker. Perhaps a cleaner. Or just let your standards drop a little.

We never had a strict routine for ours in the evenings, we just played it by ear. We did co-sleep for a long time with the youngest. They're 16 and 19 now. Seems to have worked out alright.

You’ve made no mention of your morning. Dog walk, house work, etc can all happen in the morning as much as the evening - as can meal prep. If someone WFH then a dog walk and housework can happen on a lunch break too. I think DD probably does need a consistent bedtime. An hour or two after nursery is nice time with her doing dinner (cook with her “helping”), bath, story etc. Then she’s asleep by 7pm and you have a couple of hours for winding down, cooking and eating dinner with DH and any final bits and pieces.

You can’t make more time so it’s just about improving efficiency. If you’re as efficient as possible and still not getting it all done then your standards are too high.

Dinner wise, I like tray bakes because you can cook the same thing for everyone and yours/DH’s could stay warm in the oven without spoiling until DD is in bed. Alternatively, some could be saved from a traybake and reheated for DD the next day. You can use so many different vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, mange tout, fine beans, asparagus, new potatoes, sweet potato, baby corn, leeks, peppers, onions, carrots, parsnips, etc) and different meats (chicken, pork, beef, prawns etc), I also use different flavours (Mexican spice, Indian spice, lemon and herb etc) so it has a lot of variety - then there’s just one tray to wash up for dinner! Plus, because you don’t have to stand over it like you would with something cooking on the hob, it’s much easier to do other jobs while it’s cooking.

We now try to eat at 6:45. It's been a bit of a game changer. Sometimes we wait to have adult pudding until kids in need

Also I'd recommend a slow cooker. Chuck everything in in the morning, leave it on low all day, and it's ready to serve when you get in from work.

I'm so glad I asked on here because these responses are making me feel a lot better.
I feel a bit pressured to move dd into her own room, no one gives me a real reason why just that I'll regret it etc but it works fine for us as a family right now
So I was looking up how to transition from
Co-sleep to own room and it all said establish night routine and I then panicked thinking we don't really have one and it's hard to have one when some days are not always the same so how the heck can I have the same night routine to help settle her

Single mum of 3, work full time here. Tidy up your headspace by eating the same meal every hobby night. Also agree to the same Friday night food. Then organise and never discuss again. Empty the bin before it needs it. Wipe along the worst part of the kitchen floor with floor wipes now and again. Declutter everything. I mean everything. Once a week go to bed very early. Batch cook. Look ahead to next month for additional chores. Gifts or whatever. Order online and wrap when it arrives, card and everything. Complete the entire task to keep your head in order. Lay out your child's Complete outfits for the week. If I was you I'd get a dog walker. Don't know how I'd fit walking the dog in.

It’s hard!

I have horse to do after work so not home until 7-7.30 4 nights a week. I do the morning routine with DD and nursery drop
off. DH does nursery pick up and gets her ready for bed.

DD has all her meals at nursery and just a small snack when she gets home. We eat our main meal at lunchtimes and then have a snack when she is in bed which is around 8pm (she goes up about 7 for stories etc). We eat together only at weekends and Mondays (I don’t work Monday).

I do WFH 2 days and DH WFH full time. We do essential house jobs during the day around work and have low standards. We used to have a cleaner but can’t afford her now so no help there.

Weekends we try and spend quality time together although DH job involves shifts so he is often working Sunday and has a day off in week instead. He will use that to catch up on house too.

Basically we tag team most days and don’t see each other!

Do you need to give her a proper tea? Our nursery used to feed tea at around 4pm so we would offer light finger food or porridge or yoghurt and have her eat it in the kitchen whilst we cooked. We could then portion some out for her for lunches and dinners at the weekend. But a consistent bed time was a must. We spent a lot of time together in the kitchen so adults could share cooking and play x

I would take it in turns to walk the dog in the morning? Then if it still needs a walk in the evening it’s super short.

DD is one and a half and I only do a snack for her after nursery as she’s not that hungry after a full day of eating! It’s great because it saves time, is less stressful and gives us more time to play. I usually do something like a banana and a babybel, raisins and yoghurt or a small bowl of beans and cheese if it’s really cold or something.
Then we eat once she’s in bed but it’s prepped while one of us does her bath.

We have a pretty strict routine, which works for us but isn’t for everyone. We eat dinner as a family at around 6:15-6:30 and bedtime for our child is around 7:30-7:45. We do not do a bath every day because for us it doesn’t seem necessary at this age, which relieves some time pressure. We go for a walk / play with the kid while dinner is being prepared, and we do a lot of slow cooker and do-ahead/easy meals. We also outsource everything we can (like a cleaner) and also have lowered our standards in terms of cleaning and elaborate meals. But it’s difficult!

I don’t know actually. We both work FT and have zero help from anyone else. We just get on with it. I don’t stop to think about it, I reckon I’d get overwhelmed if I did that.

When DSs were that age the childminder fed them supper. We’d get them back around 6 which gave us an hour where they were our complete focus then an hour for bath, milk, teeth, stories and bed. DH and I would then cook at 8 (whoever had least work to slog through that evening!) and eat together about 9. Chores were delegated where possible (cleaner, online groceries etc) and laundry is a timed load overnight chucked on the line as part of the morning chaos.

We both work full time over four days DH has DS Mondays they have dinner together I work late and either eat there or after I get home, I used to have him Fridays but now he goes to nursery 9-3 I blitz the house and either DH or I pick up a Tesco click and collect, DS and I make dinner together after nursery and we all eat together around 5:30. He's at nursery Tuesday and Thursday until 5/5:30 and has dinner there so we eat after he is in bed. Wednesdays he's with grandma and they have an early dinner together so again we eat after he is in bed.
Lots of batch cooking when I'm cooking at weekends, stir-fry, traybakes , kedgeree etc so quick simple meals.
He goes to bed by seven. Also we do bits during the week, one of us bath/beds the other tissues up unloads dishwasher, or quick wipe down of bathroom while he's in the bath. (Not Mondays or Wednesdays as that's when we work a long day each to cover our hours in 4 days) That way we get a good couple of hours at night to relax , hobbies, gym etc. I'm going to the theatre tonight. DS will have dinner at nursery, DH will pick him up, there's left over roast chicken in the fridge, veg, pesto, pasta that he'll make himself once DS is in bed

Does she eat a main meal at nursery? My dd does so she just has porridge or something after nursery and I sit with her and chat while she has that, and we eat separately after she is in bed.

She watches TV after nursery because she is exhausted and in that time I rush round doing some of the key chores like emptying bin, quick wipe round, laying out her clothes/coat/shoes/bag for the next day.
One evening a week we try to do something all together, like play a board game, but as your dd is smaller having a fun bath is a good shout.

You have to realise when things are good enough in the house and also when you can throw money at some issues, like a dog walker or a cleaner.
Nursery really tires them out so don't try to achieve too much with them after work. My dd is 4 and still goes to bed at 6pm on nursery days.
If co sleeping is not an issue for you right now and you enjoy it, you could keep going. I did when my dd was about the same age simply because it felt as though I spent more time with her that way.

Working FT means I give a lot of my time to her on a weekend, we do basically all family stuff rather than anything else.

And now I have two children I'll need to find my way again!