To ask how you do it if working full time

[willithappen]

Myself and partner both work full time, dd is one and goes to nursery for three days a week and grandparents for the other two
We are not home until 5 and at this point still need to walk dogs, prepare supper, do any general housework needed, feed dd and put her to bed

Do we just do feed dd, bath and bed straight away? It's a bit exhausting after work and need food ourselves too, plus want to spend time with dd in the evening but worried it's doing her more harm if she's up later. Right now I just kind of follow her lead and if I see she's tired we get her to bed then so not really a routine but know I need to introduce one. Just struggling since our days are never the same and one evening a week she is with grandparents until late as we both go to the same hobby (need this for sanity really, don't want to have to drop it).

Do I need an exact routine every night for dd and to help her sleep? We have sort of co-slept for a few months now because it's been the easiest on sleep but starting to think about that transition to her own room

I can and should make more use of morning time tbh. Because dd goes to be later she doesn't wake up until needed in the morning so mornings are very much a case of up, eat, get ready and go. For all of us. No messing around. However, I could stop being a lazy shit and just get up a bit earlier and get stuff done.

Grandparents will feed and get her ready for bed yes, that was something I was wondering if I'm messing with routine since she's with them til late on at night. However, I think my mum has now said on days when she has a Wednesday off work (her days off alternate) she can keep dd overnight so this is a huge help and might be better for her routine wise.

I did consider trying for supper at nursery but they serve it at 4.45pm and dd gets picked up at 4.30 when DP finishes work (he has to do pick up as nursery is same town he works). Then they get home just before 5pm. I work until 5pm so get home shortly after. No WFH days at the moment as site is really busy.

I think I may drastically help myself time wise if I get up in the morning earlier (I've honestly always been a lazy shit and hard to get up/could sleep forever) and to meal plan/prep better

I also hate to get up early. I make a slow cooker meal in the evening and put it in the fridge, and then plug it in in the morning. Same with overnight load of washing on a timer.

My dh hates a slow cooker meal, so he cooks for us on the days he refuses one of my offerings 😂

If she is in nursery till 5 doesn't she have dinner there? Our nursery always did foof again about 4/4:30. If not easy food for all of you to eat about 6, then 1 of you do bedtime with her and the other can walk the dogs

I think it’s really sanctimonious if I say ‘I do it and it’s fine’ so forgive me, but I do find it fine but it took a while to get into the right stride. I work FT, sometimes with travel days, DH works away so juggling the 2 DC plus FT work, house and anything else is 100% me Mon-fri. I have no family nearby. I love my sleep too.

I get up at, take yesterdays washing off the airer and put it in the dryer on a 5 min timer to finish. In that 5 mins I take the washing out of the washer which I’ve put in on a timer overnight to finish and 7 and put it on the airer. I repeat this every night Mon-Fri alternative whites, darks, 2 bedding and one towels. robot hoover is timed to come on just after we leave so downstairs is always reasonably clean floor wise.

after that I call the DCs down, toast, tea, fish something out of the feeezer and put it in the slow cooker, wipe the sides and we all go up and dress and wash. We all shower and baths in the evenings.

8am on the dot we leave, I drop them at 8.15 and get to work 8.45. I collect them at 5, home at 5.15. They do homework (when younger they’d sit in the kitchen and read to me/younger than that I had toys in the kitchen, while I repack lunches for 3 of us, make any accompaniments for slow cooker food (ie rice or pasta or whatever) and we eat together at 6. Then we are generally all upstairs. We are out of supervised baths now but we did sharing baths when little, now one showers while the other plays or whatever then they swap. We then generally sit down as a family from 7.30-bedtimes. We might just watch tv but sometimes play a game or do a puzzle. I go up when the eldest goes up at 9, have my own shower, I do still read with them and find time for a bit of 1-2-1 chatting. I then pop back down and unload the dishwasher, put the washing in on a timer, ready to have the morning routine.

it’s been loosely the same since they were pre-school age, just tweaks to make it age necessary. Doing the washing in the week really helps. And at the weekend we don’t have anywhere near the same routine - which marks the weekend well and we all relax more.

maybe being so fixed won’t work for you, but for me it’s better than feeling overwhelmed and having no time for me - once they are in bed I get an hour to read, watch something, knit a bit.

I'm a single mum, work full time, and find three thing help.

Prep - all school uniform & clothes for the coming week, washed, ironed (if necessary). hanging ready to go, shoes cleaned, fuel in the car on Sunday evening. Try sticking to a schedule. eg. homework 6pm, eat 7-7.30, ds bedtime 9pm. Lunchtimes are for life admin and exercise. Right down to checking homework to make sure ds sticks to it.

Food planning & prep - Meal plan, buy a week's food at the weekend & freeze it. Take supper out of the freezer before leaving the house in the morning. Only cook things that take 15 mins prep. Tray bakes, pasta sauces or pre-cooked curries & casseroles.

Acceptance - But accept that sometimes it doesn't work, frozen pizza for tea occasionally won't hurt them, and being late for school once or twice a term or missing the odd shower does not constitute a crimewave.

Honestly one picking her up at 4:30 and the other home just after 5pm is actually a really leisurely evening compared to most people working full time!
If you need to giver her a bigger meal just get in the habit of saving her something from the night before or really you could all eat together by 6pm easily!
If she doesn’t go to bed until late that’s plenty of time to play, have a bath and wind down for bed.

We are similar - child, pets (although just cats), both working full time, long commute.

We have a strict bedtime routine for DS which works for us all. DH and I also communicate about plans for dinner so the other one knows if there's time to have a shower, stick the dishwasher on, etc while it cooks.

We reduced our expectations on housework - by Thursday the house is looking a bit worse for wear but we accept it. We also prep as much as possible and I have enough school uniform to get through the week without needing to do the laundry. It's a combination of lots of little things that helps.

It’s a long time ago but I don’t remember it being that hard. Anything we have for dinner needs to be prepped in less than 30 minutes ( meal planning is a good habit anyway) and a quick load of washing. So we would eat as a family at around 6 to 6.30, bath, then bed. I like going to bed early so I would go at the same time. Co sleeping was lovely as DD was still breastfeeding so I didn’t need to wake up once she was able to move herself around. She has always been dry at night so I would usually get a solid 8 hours sleep. That was the routine from 12 weeks old, though up until 10 months old I would wake in the night to pump as well.

When I was working I had my son at daycare near work. I'd collect him at 5.30 and get home about 6. Supper for him snd then I'd take him up around 7.15 for bath, cuddle and bed. Then I went back down to make dinner for myself and husband who got home about 8pm. I didn't have a dog then (I wouldn't have one if out at work, though the people who I know that do had a dog walker). I might put a load of washing on but other than cleaning the dinner things no housework was done during the week - I did have a cleaner once a week though, but if I didn't I'd wait til the weekend.
After I had my second I gave up work. Mainly as I had them in my 40s (so felt after 20 years work I'd done what I wanted there) my pay would not have covered two kids in daycare and my husband earned enough for me too.
Friends who had two or more kids and worked full time employed someone to take care of the kids - a nanny when babies and a childminder when older until they returned from work in the evening. Kids would have been fed supper and probably bathed and only needed a story then bed then.
During the week it's just holding steady and routine is essential. Quality family time during the weekends.

Buy a slow cooker, cook your main meal in that whilst you're at work - have bread, nan, tortillas or rice (pre cook it and freeze it so you just pop it in the microwave with a teaspoon of water added). Use a time plug so it clicks on for the right no of hours. You can do a roast, chilli, bolognaise, curry, stew, soup, whatever in it. The house smells divine when you get home from work. All of the meals can be given to your little one too - not too hot chilli or curry, but def introduce her to different flavours early on.

Get a dog Walker
Get a cleaner
Dont bath the baby every day
Prep a lot of dinner the night before or batch cook at the weekend (eg make a pasta sauce and just reheat with pasta in the evening)
Lower your housework standards

A routine doesnt need to last a whole evening as long as you're consistent in the 15 min or so before bed eg pjs on brush teeth song and story, then what you do prior to this doesn't matter

Single/lone full time working mum. Admittedly fully remote with flexitime, so I can pick DC up at 3.15 and get back to work at 8 pm. I also use screen break time to do a load of laundry/hoover/wash dishes. I do things as gifts to future Hubblebubble. Things I know will make my life easier the next day/week. So packed lunches made night before, clothes for next day all laid out ready. I get my toddler involved in cleaning, cooking and gardening.

I also use gousto. Portion sizes are really generous, so always have enough for leftovers and it saves on shopping trips.

And you can choose meals that only take 10 minutes to prepare, like tortellini, stir fries, halloumi and cous cous stuff.

Find whatever routine works for you and your child.

We used to get home about 6, cook, have dinner around 6:45, get ready for bed, lights out by 8 (8:30 when they were a bit older). This has been their routine until late primary school. We never had any family around, so zero help. It worked for us.

Both myself and DH work til 5 and our 3 DC are in nursery or after school club. They all have a hot lunch and have a light tea at nursery or after school club so we tend to get home at 5.10, they have a quick light tea such as sandwiches, tea cakes etc... Then bath. We then have an hour playing with them before they all go up at 7. We then eat our tea. We have a cleaner and do an online shop. I also do all the washing in the evenings during the week so weekends are time with the DC.

All your night routine needs to be is - bath (or not) into pjs. Sit on bed having a cuddle/story. Sleep.

Do what works for you re Co sleeping.

Ds2 was in my room til near 3, I only have 2 bedrooms and didn't want the 2 dc disturbing each other. My room is unusually large though and he had a cot/cot bed next to mine. Always ended up in my bed though.

It gets easier when the nights get a bit lighter and warmer I found as well.
Batch cooking and also a few nights where you just eat something basic, oven chips or ready made soup. GP feeding her would also help. Sometimes you can prep some of the next evenings meal (like stir fry, so you just have to throw it in a pan).
When DD is in the bath use that time as well to sort laundry and get stuff for washing ready. I just sat on bathroom floor. Always have washing ready to go in machine for when you get in from work.
Make sure all of you get clothes out for the next morning. Prep packed lunches.
Are your hours set, could you go to work, come home 15 minutes earlier?
I did a Friday night blitz as well where I cleaned like mad when I came in.

Wait til they start school, have to do homework /activities after school or on weekends, plus birthday parties on the only 2 days that you have to catch up with housework/shopping, etc. Pets just say it's not easy...

On the days she is at nursery, I'd pay for the extra time, so dh comes home and walks the dog, then you go for dd so she's eaten there. On those days then you have a clear couple of hours together before bedtime. You and dh eat after she is in bed.

@willithappen basically make the most of the time you have, as for needing sleep the body seems to have a built in sleep button at least it is for me,