Midwifery - a dream turned into a nightmare

[BobbleHat22]

I've seen a few threads on here that are similar to this, so apologies in advance if I'm repeating the same theme.

I qualified as a midwife in 2021 and have been working in the same trust I trained at ever since. I work 34.5 hours a week which is 3 long shifts, 50% days and 50% nights. I'm lucky to have gotten set shifts approved which makes childcare arrangements somewhat easier.

I know that the first year qualified is supposed to be the hardest but I'm past that stage now and I'm finding things increasingly challenging. The way the NHS is managed is absolutely abysmal. Midwifery was my second degree; my first being in business management. I have worked for several large companies and having experienced a variety of management and various levels of staff morale I can say honestly that the NHS is the worst on both counts.

The entirety if my student experience I felt similarly. I wanted to be with women and support them and help them to not feel so isolated during the childbearing years. What I discovered instead was reems of documentation, burnt out and rude midwives and a work atmosphere that is depressing as soon as you walk into it. It doesnt seem to matter how hard you work, you're invisible to management as a student and as a qualified midwife. You are a number, a resource who can easily be replaced if you decide to leave.

Since qualification the responsibility has increased 10-fold and the job satisfaction is non existent. I try my absolute hardest to be with women and support them and explain things to them and most of them barely say thank you these days. Every shift you drive in with no idea what awaits you or what your day is going to look like. And you can do 99 things right but the one thing you've missed or haven't gotten quite right will be the thing that's noted.

I get told repeatedly that I'm good at my job but I have this overwhelming feeling of incompetence. I feel like an imposter, that I'm not anywhere near experienced enough or knowledgeable enough to handle the responsibility.

I've thought about leaving but I'm band 6 and with weekend and night enhancements the pay is fairly decent and I have the benefit of days off with the kids. I dont know whether to hold out and hope it will get better or whether to cut my losses and get out but will the grass be greener? I can't see the job getting any better, medicalisation is only increasing and the NHS seems to be on its knees.

There isn't really a question in this rant, I suppose I'm seeking some like-minded people to discuss this with. Many of the midwives I work with say that they love their jobs. I just dont. I dont love it. I dont even think I like it, and I find it heartbreaking that I spent all this time and money training to do something that I thought would be fulfilling and worthwhile.

Anyone else?

It’s a job with huge responsibilities and major consequences for mistakes, and mistakes are more likely to be made when you feel over-worked and unsupported. A change of workplace might help? Community, for example? It would be a shame to lose you - a precious resource - so soon after qualifying.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.
I qualified in 2017 and can relate to some, but not all of what you’re saying. Staffing and pressures make it a challenging to do the job, I agree. I will say though I haven’t experienced the rude and unsupportive colleagues as you have. My colleagues are by and large brilliant, we prop each other up and keep one another going through tough shifts. would you consider changing trusts and seeing if this makes a difference?
if you’ve lost your love for the profession so early in, maybe it isn’t the career for you. I mean that in the kindest way possible- many people find that the realities of the job once qualified don’t match up with their expectations from before they started training. What type of unit do you work in now? Perhaps consider moving to a low risk birth centre, or community midwifery? This may give you a new lease of life and you may find it more enjoyable that working in a high risk setting.

I'm so sorry. I saw many midwives through my pregnancies and whilst I can't remember everyone I met, I know I was so grateful to have the time to talk to a professional about my concerns. I was so grateful to be checked, to be referred, to be scanned, to check my BP. It all needed doing and it needed doing so often. Without that constant vigilance my babies might not be here, and likely I wouldn't either. For those "regular" appointments when everything was fine, it was necessary comparison for the times when my obs weren't fine.

Thank you

Community? My daughter loves it. She's ten years in.

I was a mental health nurse for many years and you are right about how badly the NHS,is managed
What about being a midwife in a private hospital?

I qualified 10 years ago but never actually practiced. I'm now in a completely different profession. Of the cohort I graduated with, the ones who are still there are in the minority. Even then it was horrific and as a student I often drove to work crying. Reading your post really triggered my anxiety and I'm so sorry for all of you midwives in this position. There's no solution at the moment I don't think. Very sad and worrying.

Aww OP I feel so sad for you! I’m not a midwife so no advice or experience to share, but just want to say I have never felt as impressed by seeing anyone doing their job as I have by seeing midwives do theirs. I am just in awe of everything you know and can do! I hope you can find love for it (maybe at a different trust?) because what you are doing is so unbelievably worthy!

Could you retrain as a HV maybe? A friend of ours did this ,she was much happier .I think maybe a year or so at Uni/college.The hours are better too!

A short reply to say...I hear you.

Same situation here. Maternity is now a thoroughly depressing place to work in. Currently wrangling a small child on soft play but will come back to this thread to commiserate.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. However you feel and I get that you feel like a number - please do remember that most of the new mums hugely value you. I was a student nurse in the late 80s and ironically the only clinical settings I really enjoyed were midwifery and mental health.

Retired midwife here and I hear you. Loud and clear.

Regarding the paperwork and admin unfortunately you won’t change this. I would focus on making each and every encounter you have with the women you are caring for as meaningful and individual as you possibly can.

As soon as my DC were school age I moved into antenatal care and adored it. I did eventually carve a role in a specialist field where I made a difference every day and knew all of my women. If this sort of role progression is even remotely possible for you I would play the long game and do something similar. Child protection and safeguarding are very rewarding.

Equally, with your experience perhaps you’d enjoy the challenge of management. Although my brief encounter with that was even more should crushing than a bad day on the shop floor!

Thank you for what you do. The NHS needs more of people like you.

I'm so sorry this is your experience of midwifery. I qualified ten years ago and I do think it is so much harder now, and for those of you who have trained through Covid it has been immensely difficult- please be very proud of yourself that you have achieved this.

As others have said, could you consider community or antenatal clinic? Or a change of Trust?

Otherwise is there further study you could do to specialise, e.g. school nursing (which would be great for organising childcare) or health visiting. I did a Masters which enabled me to get into a specialised band 7 role which offered much better work satisfaction.

There are other jobs with transferable skills (I know people who have moved to medical sales, phlebotomy for example) you could look at and then maybe top up with bank shifts to keep your registration. A lot of midwives I know who do bank only say it feels very different being there on shift because you have chosen to although I appreciate you will need the security of a contract job.

I hear you. I'm 16 years in and have not enjoyed it, and at times despised it. I battle onwards because it is all I know and I have a mortgage to pay and kids to pay for.
My only saving grace was 3 years ago moving to community near my home. It has saved me. It isn't perfect. But is much closer to the job satisfaction I wanted. I am still youngish, and I honestly don't know what I'd do if I was pulled in to the unit now. I'd go off sick I think. Maybe do health visiting - although that isn't something I think I'd want to do either.
Maybe in a few years when the kids have flown the nest I might be able to consider other things.
But no, you aren't alone. And most colleagues are nice, but the few awful ones make your day shit. So everything feels shit.

I felt exactly how you feel a few months ago. I felt like a hamster running on a wheel that I couldn’t get off. Absolutely invisible, run into the ground working shifts with small children at home and a toxic atmosphere at work with midwives competing over who can interpret CTGs the best. Just awful.

I’ve moved into community and can’t believe the change to my life. The pay cut is significant but I’ve decided it was time to prioritise family and my mental health over money. I work three short days a week, spend meaningful time with women and have some autonomy over my workload. There’s still responsibility but I’m not working with difficult characters and I don’t feel like I’m having to prove myself. I’d recommend that or moving to a different trust. The people you work with really do have such an impact on how you feel going into work.

Interesting to read your post as I did a degree in business and since having children have been daydreaming about retraining as a midwife.

I cannot comment on life as a midwife but only as a woman who has had several midwives care. I was very very appreciative of the majority of these women and am in awe of them. You are amazing. I hope women like you do not give up as you can be the difference between a positive and negative birth experience

Interesting how many of us feel community has saved our careers. Working alone for the majority of the time is far preferable than the toxic environment in the unit it feels.
I'm sat having my lunch as I write this, having done my clinic this morning with women who know me. We've caught up on Christmas events, and general chit chat as the morning has progressed. I now have 3 postnatal home visits to do this afternoon, again, all my women. Lovely continuity. I feel valued. And I think that is what makes the difference. I feel like I'm helping. In the hospital I felt like, well, I don't even know. I can't describe it! But it wasn't rewarding that is all I know.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I honestly couldn't have asked for better care for myself and my son during pre-eclampsia, having a 6 week premature baby in neonatal ward during covid and health visitor appointments. Most of the team we had were retired midwives who had come back part time. I thank my lucky stars for every one of them, thank you for all that you do and I hope things improve

Would you consider going into the community?
Im a nurse not a midwife, but sometimes it feels like the community is the “promised land”- less stressful than hospital and better work life balance. Maybe something to consider?

Healthcare hasn't always been like this, I mean it's never been perfect and there have always been issues, but it's unrecognisable now. Sad thing is no idea whether and/or when things will get better. Now you have your degree though there are other roles within healthcare you could consider, or outside of healthcare and you could always go back in the future.

I'm the same except I'm a nurse. Currently on mat leave but the thought of going back gives me dreadful anxiety. I work in an extremely busy ward and the staffing has been horrendous (constant cries via messages in the group chat if can anyone come in to help). Our work place most of the time is working with 4 trained during the day when it should be at least 8. Our nightshift staffing is even worse.

I hated the feeling of when I was leaving after a 12 hour shift and had that constant worry that I may have missed something because I've been given more patients than I should normally have to look. Between the constant pressure from the bed manager to try get patients a b c moved into another ward to accommodate sicker patients being brought in, looking after end of life patients, looking after people with high news scores who should be moved into HDU but can't be as there's not enough beds so you've to manage it in your ward on top of your many other patients.

I'm now trying to look into other careers so I have an exit plan as I don't think I can sustain working in my job without it having a massive impact on my mental health.

I do hope it gets better for you OP ❤️

Op I'm so sorry to read this. I was in hospital for 5 days when I had my DS as I had a post dural puncture headache. The midwives and nurses were amazing! I made sure I told them everyday that their kindness and care made a terrible situation more bearable. One of the midwives welled up with tears when I was praising her and she said it was good to hear as they often were told the opposite. I felt so very sad for her. It was a reminder to me to tell people when they are doing a good job. I will be writing to the trust to highlight my positive experience.

Plenty of opportunities outside of ward work, I'd recommend considering some if you don't hate nursing but hate the state of hospitals currently. I work term time with a lot of flexibility.

Have you thought about changing departments or trusts? I felt like that when I worked on postnatal ward, but now I am core staff on labour ward and I absolutely love it. It’s hard, tiring and staff shortages/lack of equipment is challenging, but my team is amazing and supportive, and the work itself is so interesting and rewarding. Maybe where you are just isn’t the right fit for you?

Just wanted to say thank you for what you do, OP. And I'm sorry if you delivered one of my babies and I didn't say thank you. I was just so overwhelmed, knackered and grateful to have them out that I don't think I said much at all!

Community midwives were so much better than hospital ones in my experience as a patient. Presumably as they had a better working experience and were far more autonomous.