Midwifery - a dream turned into a nightmare

[BobbleHat22]

I've seen a few threads on here that are similar to this, so apologies in advance if I'm repeating the same theme.

I qualified as a midwife in 2021 and have been working in the same trust I trained at ever since. I work 34.5 hours a week which is 3 long shifts, 50% days and 50% nights. I'm lucky to have gotten set shifts approved which makes childcare arrangements somewhat easier.

I know that the first year qualified is supposed to be the hardest but I'm past that stage now and I'm finding things increasingly challenging. The way the NHS is managed is absolutely abysmal. Midwifery was my second degree; my first being in business management. I have worked for several large companies and having experienced a variety of management and various levels of staff morale I can say honestly that the NHS is the worst on both counts.

The entirety if my student experience I felt similarly. I wanted to be with women and support them and help them to not feel so isolated during the childbearing years. What I discovered instead was reems of documentation, burnt out and rude midwives and a work atmosphere that is depressing as soon as you walk into it. It doesnt seem to matter how hard you work, you're invisible to management as a student and as a qualified midwife. You are a number, a resource who can easily be replaced if you decide to leave.

Since qualification the responsibility has increased 10-fold and the job satisfaction is non existent. I try my absolute hardest to be with women and support them and explain things to them and most of them barely say thank you these days. Every shift you drive in with no idea what awaits you or what your day is going to look like. And you can do 99 things right but the one thing you've missed or haven't gotten quite right will be the thing that's noted.

I get told repeatedly that I'm good at my job but I have this overwhelming feeling of incompetence. I feel like an imposter, that I'm not anywhere near experienced enough or knowledgeable enough to handle the responsibility.

I've thought about leaving but I'm band 6 and with weekend and night enhancements the pay is fairly decent and I have the benefit of days off with the kids. I dont know whether to hold out and hope it will get better or whether to cut my losses and get out but will the grass be greener? I can't see the job getting any better, medicalisation is only increasing and the NHS seems to be on its knees.

There isn't really a question in this rant, I suppose I'm seeking some like-minded people to discuss this with. Many of the midwives I work with say that they love their jobs. I just dont. I dont love it. I dont even think I like it, and I find it heartbreaking that I spent all this time and money training to do something that I thought would be fulfilling and worthwhile.

Anyone else?

I can remember the midwives who were with me when I gave birth to all three children, the eldest of whom is 18. I hope I said thank you to them, I think I did. I was very grateful for their presence and support. I am sorry you feel undervalued and under appreciated in your job and I am sorry your colleagues are equally under pressure.

I hear you. I'm a homebirth midwife now which suits me down to the ground. I actually worked in a super supportive unit before and miss the camaraderie of the place but I do NOT miss the busy understaffed shifts etc etc. But the other staff members and the meaningful interactions with the women and families made my time there bearable and even enjoyable. I do wonder if a change of unit may help you although I know it's rare to find a genuinely supportive workplace in midwifery. Or specialising, or going into community. Alternatively have a look at the Beyond Midwifery UK Facebook group for other ideas. But mainly - we hear you, it sucks, I'm sorry x

I also hear you. I'm 10 years qualified and quickly went down the specialist midwife route. I now bank and find it very stressful but still love it, especially as I pick and choose my shifts. Can you look at other options- lecturing, specialising, setting up your own business, HV? I know you are newly qualified so might be too early but having a plan to work towards might help.
Or can you drop any hours?

It saddens me so much that we are losing amazing midwives because the conditions are just unworkable.

I gave birth in March and had a somewhat difficult experience, and a few of the midwives really made a difference. I felt like I wasn't alone and being looked after. I'm sorry you feel this way, but people like me need you, love you and appreciate everything you do ❤️

I’m a midwife I’ve been qualified four years. I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. Those first two years can pretty awful. At my last trust I actually felt suicidal. I wish a bus would take me out on my way to work. It had a massive impact on my home life too.
ive since moved trusts and I can say quite happily that I love my job. It’s a great atmosphere. Lovely staff and it’s a positive place to work. Yes the documentation is still the same and there are emergencies etc but I feel well supported. I feel like I’m cared for and respected.
why don’t you change trusts and see how you feel ? Are you on the beyond midwifery Facebook group ? It helps you feel less alone.

Totally get it. I worked for a year after qualifying before I had to get out for the sake of my mental
health. I went into HV, and whilst problems such as short staffing still exist, everyone is much more friendly and supportive, and I no longer cry driving into work.

Look in to research (NIHR) or project work with your trust or icb. Both work work well with your background and would give you something positive to work towards

I qualified as a midwife in 2017 and to be entirely honest, I hate it. To be more precise, I love what the job should be. However I would say I am more of an obstetric nurse, not what I trained for. I’m sad how we’re treated. I’m sad how the women get treated and im sad at the lack of the lack of support from management. I don’t have the time, money or psychological effort to retrain for another career. And it was such a hard degree that I don’t want to waste it. I almost feel compelled to stay! It’s shattered my self esteem and my physical health has severely declined. I would love to know a change was coming! Sorry to moan

Practicing nurse feeling mega despondent after a frankly horrific shift last night. No matter how hard I try I can never get everything done and get it all right. I hear you and I’m sorry xx

No, this is healthcare. It only gets worse.. I've worked under the tories, new labour and the tories again. It's only ever got worse.

The ones who can stick it out past 40 are tough. When dh was in hospital most nurses were either young or in their 50's and this is why.

You'll never get anything done in a country with such poor standards of health in the biggest socio-economic group. It's like sainsburys saying the milk is all free from now on, they'd run out and never manage to re-stock in without putting enormous pressure on their supply chain which would struggle and raise prices where it could get away with it. The staff would be stressed and want out.

We've been sticking our finger in the dyke for years but the water level is rising.

Wait it out, when it is privatised there might be better opportunities. (Haven’t read whole thread as Nhs person prepping for a night shift!)

Ex midwife here. I preferred the community but it wasn’t quite the promised land I imagined. The child protection side of things is hard and you are far away from help if things aren’t going well. I was so relieved to give it up although I have a lot of fond memories too.

I'd move abroad personally

They'll bite your hand off

I'm 8 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy, this thread is scary 😧 All my midwives have been amazing though and I have seen a lot

I hear you, after waiting 19 years , I achieved my dream of training in midwifery. I loved it, the simple joy of attending women bringing life into the world, and as you say you do 99.9 things perfectly and the 0.01 % is focused on, well guess what? None of us are perfect it's not with woman anymore it's with computer, with clique, no equality and diversity, I ended up leaving, after systematically being bukkied for 5 of tge hardest years on my life,major surgery, losing both parents and a sister, I couldn't fight them anymore, where I worked, the scum rises to.the top, the inpatient matron was prosecuted for fraud, yet retained her job, my manager at the time I left had openly canvassed for information against me, it was a shambles, I retaliated by not getting involved and ignoring the process and I'm 100 x happier now, but I miss the women, and the strength they showed in labour x