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AIBU?

What would you think about nursery doing this?

96 replies

CarrotCorn · 10/01/2023 08:30

So ds is 3, his nursery print pictures off and put them in a book with the date and a note about what they've been up to, then send this home with parents at the end/beginning of each term.

Small bit of background ds has been struggling with the social aspect of nursery, as far as I'm aware he spends 99% of the time holding a adults hand and has had 2 days in the last term where he's played with another child.

So I've just received his book and was confused but pleasantly surprised to see quite a few days of him running about without an adult, and playing with another child. However after looking closer these pictures are all from the same "good" day and I remember them telling me about it. Here's an example, with fake dates:

1.1.23 Bob was brave today and enjoyed running around the playground. Picture of running

3.1.23 Bob joined in playing ring around the roses and help hands with another child today picture

4.1.23 Bob joined in at dance time today, well done! Picture

But all three pictures are from the same day, also I remember this day as it was so great that he had ran around the playground, held a hand and danced. This happens three times in his book. Aibu to be bothered by this? I feel like it paints a picture of a completely different child.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

SeenAndNot · 10/01/2023 08:49

Sounds fine to me. Sounds like they are working hard to help him adjust and doing their best to get him to play independently.

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Needmorelego · 10/01/2023 08:51

The dates are probably just the day they stuck the pictures in the book - not necessarily the day he did those things.

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SunshineAndFizz · 10/01/2023 08:54

Don't see anything wrong with it? Pictures of him being social, does it matter it's from the same day?

Doubt you'd want 3 pictures of him just holding an adults hand?

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FlounderingFruitcake · 10/01/2023 08:54

Presuming you’re 100% certain that this all happened on the same day (same clothes etc) then I agree with you. If they aren’t sure on the dates, which is fair enough if they go through them at the end of term to make the book, then they shouldn’t include the dates. If they only want to highlight the positives, also fine. But lying about dates, to give a misleading picture of how he is at nursery, absolutely not ok.

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Workinghardeveryday · 10/01/2023 08:56

I wouldn’t like it either, it is misleading.

I remember similar happening to us but only sleep and food related.

Fred slept 12.30-2 today, I picked up earlier than normal at 3.45, they had to go and wake him up.

Fred ate well today, ate xyz and lots of it, well done Fred. Later to be told by friend that worked in nursery that was not the case at all and cried through lunch

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/01/2023 08:56

I think it's wrong. The dates do matter. If your child is happy at nursery on one day out of 5 and nursery provide false evidence that its 4 days out of 5, of course that's misleading.

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parietal · 10/01/2023 08:57

the pictures might have been stuck in the book a week later by someone who wasn't the primary carer that day. don't worry about it.

but do ask for close observation of what his real everyday behaviour is like.

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SleeplessInEngland · 10/01/2023 08:57

I think they’re trying to be nice but just tell them there’s no need.

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RudsyFarmer · 10/01/2023 08:59

Well they’ve obviously carefully crafted a positive image of your child’s experience at nursery for you.

Id probably focus on what’s happening to ensure your child IS having a good day most days. Do they have SEN or just missing you/shy?

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babyunderblanket · 10/01/2023 09:07

Unfortunately when Ofsted introduced all these ridiculous runs about tracking, monitoring and documenting progress for babies & pre-school children, what they failed to consider was that in taking photos & videos, writing journals, mounting photos and whatever else is time away from care and attention to that child. it becomes a painful exercise in ticking a box to satisfy ofsted, who have incidentally now relaxed the documentation requirement so it’s parents who now expect this stuff without considering there isn’t a dedicated person doing their child’s journal whilst they key worker plays/cares for their child. Give them a break they probably have a stack of photos and numerous different areas of learning they need to tick off so fit the photos to the narrative so ensure he is tracking nicely along the chart. A good key worker will know your child and flag any issues without needing photos and and a tick chart.

sorry, rant over - ex Nursery keyworker

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CarrotCorn · 10/01/2023 09:09

Pretty torn responses, I do get both sides. I can absolutely look at this and enjoy while knowing it's not the everyday reality, but at the same time I know his future reception teachers come visit the nursery to get a feel of the child before they start primary, if they're shown this book they'll be expecting a very different child. I'm not sure how that all works though.

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CarrotCorn · 10/01/2023 09:11

Also not attacking the nursery teachers at all. It must be a pain to do all these books and they're all lovely teachers. I actually would like some pictures of him holding teachers hands as he loves them.

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AnyMucca · 10/01/2023 09:14

They probably cherry picked the best pics of each child to go with their achievements on different days. They might not have had chance to take a picture of him dancing on a particular day.

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Silkrose · 10/01/2023 09:21

I can relate to this- at DD’s nursery they sometimes ‘mess up’ the logs and it will show that she has been asleep for 3 mins with the comment ‘weetabix with milk’ (?!) or asleep for 7 hours…! I’m not too concerned as my primary concern is that they are taking care of her and that she is safe and well. However she is developing well socially and physically, so if you have concerns you could raise these politely with the nursery staff/manager and let them know that you’d like this to be monitored and logged more closely given DS’s issues.

As long as you are sympathetic to the demands on their time and capacity, I’m sure they will listen and take note of your request.

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AnyMucca · 10/01/2023 09:24

Yes, what @babyunderblanket said. Like elderly care. Write up at end of the day to tick boxes, spending 1\2 hour valuable time writing up guff with key words while the clients are wandering around unattended "Doris is BORED being left alone and has DECIDED to open the bleach bottle"

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AliasGrape · 10/01/2023 09:27

I’ve taught in Early Years and completed these ‘Learning Journeys’ and you’re definitely supposed to date them with the date the thing/ observation/ ‘learning’ happened - not when it got stuck in.

Possibly they genuinely forgot what day the various photos were taken. You’re meant to have all this evidence to back up your assessment of that child’s learning/ where they are against the EYFS Profile. So you’re constantly taking pictures, of ALL the children and they will all be on the camera roll together. At some point after a long day or in your minimal non-contact time you get chance to print them, assuming the printer is actually in working order and there is sufficient ink and paper in stock. The pictures then need to be nearly sliced and sorted/ filed per child. At some other stage you might get some time to do some sticking into each child’s book - and it could well be that you can’t remember the exact date they were taken as you forgot to note it on each one, but you do know one of the dates and the others look to be a similar time so you opt for similar dates.

OR - they know they were the same day but have made it look like it was on multiple days because it looks ‘better’. It’s probably not meant to deceive you OP, but for when they get book scrutinies or moderation or OFSTED and are asked to explain why every single child hasn’t got multiple pieces of evidence for each of the 7 areas (and each sub-area within them) of the Early Years curriculum because if you haven’t got 15 different pictures of them using scissors at different times you can’t possibly use your professional judgement and say that their fine motor skills are broadly in line with expectations for their age. Many managers/ moderators/ head teachers/ inspectors are more sensible and don’t expect this nonsense, but a very great many still do.

If you have an ok relationship with your child’s nursery or key worker you could maybe raise it with them - just explain your concern that it’s not necessarily a true reflection of how your son is getting on. But honestly if you think they’re aware of the areas where your son is struggling a bit, and are putting in the extra support he needs to address this, I’m not sure I’d even bother.

The idea of the ‘learning journey’ is great if it was actually used as a working document to reflect the child’s achievements/ genuine ‘wow moments’ and then inform provision going forward - sadly the reality is that they’re usually a box ticking exercise with unrealistic and unnecessary expectations placed on the staff compiling them about how much ‘evidence’ is required to back up their professional judgement, and/ or their primary aim is seen as ‘something nice for the parents’ but not actually beneficial to the child or those teaching them in any way.

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AliasGrape · 10/01/2023 09:32

Oops sorry - whilst I was busy typing all that out, others have said it far more succinctly than my long ramble above 🙈

In my Reception teaching days I put very little store in the journals etc provided by other preschool settings OP so whilst I can understand your concern, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. The teachers may well visit the setting if many of their children are coming from there, or have other conversations with staff that will give a truer picture. They may do a home visit or have transitions sessions with parents there, and there will be opportunity for you to pass on your concerns there too. They will also know that your son is still very young, even if he was a super confident social butterfly in one setting that may not necessarily translate to Reception, and they will be doing their own observations and assessments in the first weeks too.

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Hankunamatata · 10/01/2023 11:23

Isn't it just a nice memory book?

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CarrotCorn · 10/01/2023 11:40

@Hankunamatata I don't think so as it's got all sorts of official looking progress charts and stuff in the back. Maybe they show a true reflection but I don't understand the stages they've marked him as so wouldn't know.

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growinggreyer · 10/01/2023 11:50

When you say you don't understand the levels, does that mean you don't believe he is at the level they are saying or do you mean that you don't know much about the EYFS? You need to make sure that they are giving an accurate picture not a rosy one as he will need extra support in Reception and it would be helpful to have it evidenced by Nursery rather than them having a fake document saying he can do things he really can't do regularly.

This site might help you to decide www.eyfstracker.com/misc/EYFS_Tracker_DfE_Framework_Development_Matters_20210909.pdf

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wouldthatbeworse · 10/01/2023 11:54

While I wouldn’t fall out with nursery over this I would ask them not to. The book should reflect your child’s actual day. I do think both you and nursery may be over fixating on socialising = good. Some children take longer to want to / have confidence to play with their peers, others may prefer their own company. Nursery should find other things to praise and focus on.

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CarrotCorn · 10/01/2023 11:55

I mean I don't know much about EYFS, they're charts with stages on but I don't know what a stage 2 or stage 5 etc actually means, so no idea if it's accurate. That link looks like it could be helpful though so I will have a good look later, thank you.

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Yb23487643 · 10/01/2023 11:59

babyunderblanket · 10/01/2023 09:07

Unfortunately when Ofsted introduced all these ridiculous runs about tracking, monitoring and documenting progress for babies & pre-school children, what they failed to consider was that in taking photos & videos, writing journals, mounting photos and whatever else is time away from care and attention to that child. it becomes a painful exercise in ticking a box to satisfy ofsted, who have incidentally now relaxed the documentation requirement so it’s parents who now expect this stuff without considering there isn’t a dedicated person doing their child’s journal whilst they key worker plays/cares for their child. Give them a break they probably have a stack of photos and numerous different areas of learning they need to tick off so fit the photos to the narrative so ensure he is tracking nicely along the chart. A good key worker will know your child and flag any issues without needing photos and and a tick chart.

sorry, rant over - ex Nursery keyworker

This is going to be the crux of it.
It is out of order in that it’s misleading and likely not representative but sadly driven by pressure for excess documentation from basically minimum wage staff already looking after loads of kids.
If obviously the same day, same clothes etc maybe ask them if they’re aware & or just take the book thing with a pinch of salt & make sure to get daily updates.
I think there’s lots of managing parental expectation in nursery work.

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AnxiousPancreas · 10/01/2023 12:12

What is the purpose of the book?

  • The purpose of the book is to give you something nice to look at and see fun things your DC does at nursery - YABU, the book should show your DC having fun and the details being inaccurate doesn’t matter.
  • The purpose of the book is to give you an insight into your DC’s development and progression at nursery - YANBU, the book needs to be an accurate reflection of your DC’s actual behaviour and progression.


Does the book have targets or show milestones reached? Does it comment on behaviour or concerns or progression? If not, YABU. If it does, YANBU.
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MeridaBrave · 10/01/2023 12:22

Doubt it’s fake dates, they probably observed on those dates but only take photos periodically. Perhaps he has good moments each day?

Maybe ask them whether there are days when he does not have any good moments on the entire day?

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