AIBU or was the timing wrong from my mum?

[HappyValleyIsBrilliant]

Hi, I’m sure many have a parent who has some traits of narcissism amongst other things. But I feel this what my mum done really showed me.

In no way am I disrespecting her or anyone who has suffered from cancer. For a long time I knew my mum had something serious going on, so did my sisters.

we begged & pleaded for her to go the doctors & she lied repeatedly & told us she had & it was a bed sore. Which was impossible as she didn’t exactly sit in one place for a long time. She’s mobile to be precise.

Cut a long story short, I passed my driving test & was so excited to see my parents after going to my own home & telling my boyfriend & our children. I walked to my parents & was beaming & told them.

This isn’t an exaggeration this was how my mum responded.. With a big grin on her face, “Well I’ve got news for you, guess what I’ve got?!” I genuinely thought she had a little gift or something for me for passing my test until my dad said “Why tell her today of all days” so I asked her what she had & she smirked & went to my dad “Go on you tell her”

My dad shook his head & said “No you tell her!” So she said “Cancer” & she never looked so happy to see my excitement of me passing my test deflate instantly. I felt awful that I’d just bounced in so excited when my mum had cancer & she hid it from us all for weeks.

This is just one of many times she’s done something similar whenever any of her daughters are happy or achieved anything.

I am not taking anything away in terms of her cancer I looked after her completely once I knew & she’s cancer free thank god but I just can’t help feel she done that on purpose when she’d known for months before hand.

So AIBU to think that was a bit wrong to tell me so happily & on the day of me passing my test? I actually feel bad that I feel like this. It was the way she was so happy to tell me, I can’t quite believe it.

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

Op am I right in thinking she had known about her diagnosis for a while? But chose to tell you at this specific moment instead of days previously? If so I think that's a nasty thing to do to you and she clearly enjoyed every minute

[determinedtomakethiswork]

What a really really nasty thing to say.

[Gymrabbit]

When my mum was diagnosed with cancer about 20 years ago she found out in a week when I had an important event happening.
she waited until that event had finished to tell me as she didn’t want to put a dampener on it or worry me.

that’s what normal parents do. Put their children before themselves.

[ElegantlyTouched]

Not so bad, bit it reminds me of when my mother had too have an operation on her toes. She took pleasure in telling m that the condition was genetic so I'd probably need the operation in the future. Why be pleased your child is likely to go through a painful process in the future????

[EndlessRain1]

Well it's not the timing, if its the first time you've seen her since her diagnosis.

But her way of telling you was cruel for sure.

[zingally]

That's classic narc behaviour OP. They take someone elses joy and make it all about themselves. Either about how they played a pivotal role in you achieving said thing, or one-upping your joy with something about themselves.

[JupiterSaturnMars]

The narcissistic smirk is horrible. The way she told you was disgusting. That happiness was more than likely being caused by taking the attention from you and knowing she was about to flip your emotions. I have family members with strong narcissistic traits and they will take the attention from people in any situation, good or bad. They also love pressing buttons, and they take credit for everyone else’s achievements. I’ve cut them all out of my life, it’s the only way. They are so suffocating to be around. I’m glad to read you have little to do with her now.

[bumpytrumpy]

@HappyValleyIsBrilliant

For example i took her for a lovely meal a few weeks ago with my 10 year old son & we have a frenchie & he was talking about him excitedly because he just loves him & my mum said “You know he won’t live forever” his little face absolutely fell, I went ballistic & told her to never say anything like that to the kids again, it was like looking at a younger me when I seen his face & it’s made me go over all the times she’s done this & I thought maybe it was me being unreasonable but I truly believe she has narcissistic tendencies.

Why do you allow her to treat your son like that?

[thecatsthecats]

I get what you're feeling, OP. I feel like my mum would love this opportunity.

She makes all sorts of allusions to bad things that might happen, as soon as she feels she's not getting attention.

The last one was my dad going for cancer screening. She said continuously in front of me that he had a SPECIAL APPOINTMENT, and used faux hushed tones about the outcome.

Turned out to be an open call for all men of a certain age in the local area.

[Dogscanteatonions]

I know from experience it is definitely possible to have cancer and be a cunt. I'm sorry she was like this OP

[NotAHouse]

Oh yes. It's the pass-agg "how dare you be happy, I'm going to piss on your chips AND make you feel like an awful person."

[Shauna27]

@user432900976 thank you! That's exactly what I was thinking!!

[SomethingOriginal2]

@HappyValleyIsBrilliant

For example i took her for a lovely meal a few weeks ago with my 10 year old son & we have a frenchie & he was talking about him excitedly because he just loves him & my mum said “You know he won’t live forever” his little face absolutely fell, I went ballistic & told her to never say anything like that to the kids again, it was like looking at a younger me when I seen his face & it’s made me go over all the times she’s done this & I thought maybe it was me being unreasonable but I truly believe she has narcissistic tendencies.

I actually think you need to go vlc. She sounds awful. Like really actually vile. I don't really feel sorry for her having cancer because it sounds like she was thrilled about having something to hurt her kids with.

I do feel sorry for people like that though, can you imagine what a shitty place it is to live inside her head when all she wants to do is hurt he people around her?