To send feedback to this church

[candlelightflora]

Just interested in people’s opinions on this.

I used to go to church with DD when she was younger, but stopped during covid. Then we moved to a new area, too far from the old church to go there anymore. I’ve wanted to start going to church again for a while and DD was keen to go as she has good memories of the old church. So I found a church nearby which has a “family service” once a month.

For context, we live in a town with a very well-regarded state secondary school which is selective on faith grounds. DD is only 7 so too young for us to be thinking about secondary applications yet.

Having now been to a “family service” at the church, I think they should re-name it to “service for people who want to get their kids into [insert name of well-regarded secondary faith school]”.

When I arrived, people were queuing to get their “passports” stamped. I said it was our first time at the church and rather than receiving a welcome, how are you, what has brought you here (as I was expecting) I got a brusque “how old is your daughter? Ok she doesn’t need one of these then”.

DD said she’d like to collect the stamps so I asked if we could have a “passport” anyway just for fun (it was literally a folded piece of paper) even though we’re not applying for secondary school yet and was unapologetically told that was not allowed.

The service itself had zero family focus in my opinion, it just seemed like a shortened version of a normal service. The hymns were really quiet as nobody was really singing, I spotted a couple of adults on their phones, and I literally did not see one single adult there who didn’t have a child with them of late primary age (i.e. applying for secondary schools in the next couple of years). Our old church had a really interactive sermon aimed at kids, lots of opportunities to join in, colouring and toys for the younger ones but there was nothing like that.

DD left saying she thought it was really boring and doesn’t want to go again. I left feeling really annoyed that we’d been made to feel so unwelcome.

Is there any point in me diplomatically feeding this back to the church? Or should I just move on and try a different church. I guess it could be that they just don’t care - they know they need to provide a service for those applying to the secondary school and this meets that need. But the whole thing just felt so cynical and I’m annoyed that something billed as a “family service” wasn’t really that at all.

I would definitely send feedback. Not in relation to the passports. I would be focusing on the lack of family in the family service, that there were no children's activities or anything for them to take part in. So so different from a true family service!

what a shame.
I don't blame the church for keeping it short and simple. if they know that all the families with kids are only there for the passport stamp and won't be listening, it would be soul-destdoying to put in loads of creativity and imagination every time only to have it all ignored.

find a different church. look for one that does "messy church" as one of their activities. your DD may be a bit old for messy church as-such but the kind of church that does that should have a thriving offer for all age groups.

sorry pressed "post" too soon
on the feedback question, I would send a short message saying that you appreciate the difficult position they are in with so many families only coming to church for school applications purposes, but that you felt that there was no space made for the possibility that anyone might be there for any other reason.

FeinCuroxiVooz actually I think churches should rise to the challenge of trying to engage people rather than offering a dumbed down service.

It doesn’t matter if only one person out of ten takes notice, that is one more person who may find their way to a long lasting faith than one who has been put off because of how the church is currently run.

It is the church’s fault. They don’t have to insist on church attendance for the school. They could remove religious attendance from their entry criteria, it’s not something they are forced to have. Or they could not be involved in the school at all and instead concentrate on providing support for the faithful and whatever other services they feel compelled to provide for the local community or the needy.

Absolutely. Write them and seek to discuss if no reply.

This isn't true of my church!

We have no passport system, no points system and we dont allow people to abuse the system.

We simply welcome, encourage, and love.

That would be the wrong way to look at it though, surely.

If they put the effort in, got creative and made it a fabulous service, people would be more likely to stay!

And are those schools high performing and over subscribed, meaning they aren’t actually available to all locally?

And / or do those schools have lower results than the church school?

I don’t blame the parents for doing this, faith places in British state schools is an utter fucking disgrace.

That this church is just cynically signing/stamping it off? Hardly a surprise.

@NumberTheory “It is the church’s fault. They don’t have to insist on church attendance for the school. They could remove religious attendance from their entry criteria, it’s not something they are forced to have. “

What can I say, but amen to that! 🙏

That’s the case for all state church schools in England. But the church is responsible for knowing how frequently each family attends. The vicar / minister has to sign the form which gets handed in directly to the school separately from the application form which goes to the LA

Individual church’s don’t have to do this. They can refuse to certify attendance making the requirement fairly pointless. The secondary school, rather than the individual church the OP went to, sets it’s religious entry criteria, but that school will have places on its governing body reserved for Church appointments who could, if the Church wished, push for an open access approach.

The school thing isn’t relevant for you. You found the church unwelcoming. You are giving this way too much headspace, try somewhere else and move on.

By all means, give feedback. You could seek someone higher up if you wanted, such as the bishop.

But just try another church. I'm not religious, but have a number of friends who are, and they all say that it can take a while to find a new church that you gel with after moving to a new area.

Agree with @zingally and @Flatandhappy

To me, this is a bit like going to a new bar or restaurant and finding you don't really like the food they are serving. You could give feedback and say you thought the portions were too small or the sauce to spicy or that you prefer your veg al dante and felt they cooked theirs for longer than you like, or you didn't like the lighting or the way they had set the tables out

OR

you could choose another restaurant to try and hope the next one is more in-line with your palette.

I know which I'd do.
Indeed, I have done, when finding a new Church that suits me.