To let my disconnected kids enter the digital world?

[Wonkyboobs]

I've been low-tech thus far. No tablets, phones, games, screens but we allow limited telly a few times a week. I have worked in safeguarding and know the risks of online kids too well... but I am getting concerned that my children are missing out on social stuff and I know I need to relent at some point and guide them carefully into the world we all live in. I have no idea how to do it or what to get. I was thinking a console but don't know which one. Kids are 7 and 9. Everyone seems to be on Roblox.

Any advice welcome but specifically

-am i making a terrible mistake?

-what console do I look at getting? What is a switch and how does it work?

-what games are important to kids of this age group aside from Roblox. What games are good/educational/active?

-what do limits look like in other homes? I am absolutely not intetested in them setting their own boundaries when it comes to this. I am sure it works for some houses but I know of several where it has been an awful mistake.

-How does built in safety work on consoles? Anxiety relieving stories welcome.

Many thanks everyone!

Ask your kids what they want to play.

I'm not sure abou the safety on consoles. See what they like and then research it before buying.

Can’t give tips around safety or recommendations sorry, but just wanted to say yanbu - technology is a part of life these days but I think you have been very sensible a) to keep it out of your children’s early years as much s you can b) to have defined limits on tech when introduced.

I’d also explain to the children why limiting time on consoles is important, the downsides of regular use, and make sure they have lots of other hobbies alongside it. Schedule screen time between school and dinner, not between dinner and bed.

They only know Roblox... which I know nothing about apart from the fact there have been safety issues with it at school- kids talking to strangers and inappropriate rooms/games? I don't understand it or know what platform(s) it is on. I was hoping someone knew of some others or games which were fun/educational/some of those physical games like "just dance"

So limits we have had - 1 hour max a day (usually with an option to earn more time at weekends, but this way I’m gifting them extra time, not limiting them from normal levels of play on days I don’t want them playing for long).

we have a digital sunset at 7pm, they can watch tv after that but not play games / go on screens.

in year 6 my dc1 got a phone (as going to secondary on public transport and I wanted contact to be possible given the lack of pay phones anymore!), but that is charged downstairs and doesn’t go in their room.

for a long time, we had minecraft and robloxs set so you couldn’t contact anyone else, but following one of dcs friends moving overseas, did allow playing together with friends. Our rule is you can only friend someone and play with them on Minecraft etc if you know them in real life - this was an easy rule for dcs to understand.

Common sense media is a good website to get information on specific games and their suitability.

Thanks it has been hard work thus far to be honest but I don't want to keep them locked out of life... I just want to keep them safe.

Oh yes I use that for films/tv and hadnt thought of it for games thank you.

This is a really interesting question. On the one hand I think not allowing children access to social media etc is a great idea, they are going to learn social skills which i fear we may see decline and future generations.
However I think as technology is more and more present in our lives and society, kids that dont have access to it may potentially be at a disadvantage in the future, in a technical literacy sense.

So I suppose as with anything, balance is the key.

for my kids I only allow them to play online (fortnite, Minecraft and animal crossing ) with people they know
i told them that if using voice chat they have to act like their teacher is in the room because they don’t know who’s in the other persons house and can hear what they are saying so don’t say anything don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in front of their parents, siblings and so on
same with messages, anything you write down could be seen by their family other friends and so on

with regards to spending I don’t know a lot about Roblox but you can use real money to buy stuff - you would need to look up how to restrict this - but I would liken that to Pokémon cards or something- tell your kids don’t give away items to their friends unless they're absolutely sure they don’t want them anymore

also tell them never ever to give their password to their friends

I am quite lax on screentime, but I don't allow roblox or any online gaming. Mine (5 & 8) play switch, mainly minecraft, mario, lego or party style games. They often play together, or as a whole family. Sometimes alone, though we have one console, so they have to share.

The other things they do a lot are making videos on a tablet, and the 8yo is into coding. He has a coding subscription and does a lot of scratch coding and minecraft mods through that on an old laptop. He occasionally likes making power points (!) and writing stories on it too. He also has a kindle eReader, which he uses constantly.

I think introducing screen time is good, but I'd be careful to add quality creative activities over addictive games.

I think it’s sensible to start allowing a little more access at this stage. You don’t want them to get to a point where they access it at friends houses and have no idea how to risk assess.

We use kids kindle fire devices and associated parental controls. The fire devices categorise apps and usage into educational and entertainment. You can say where you want to allow any entertainment or only after so much time
spent on education. I can see exactly what websites they have been using and what apps they have been accessing. You can also use Roblox on it and my older child enjoys doing this remotely with a friend. Very occasionally I have allowed her to use actual money for items but I have total
control of that process. I see very little in Roblox which is of any value but the children love it. What I do appreciate is minecraft which, when played in sandbox mode, fosters enormous creativity

YANBU to open up a bit, but the good thing about having kept them off or so far is that it'll be easier to set limits as you can spin this as an extra treat, so to speak, not an expectation. If they want online time whatever you give them is better than what you are giving them now from their perspective.

I would go with the switch , it can be connected to the Internet but doesn't need to be for most games.
It's quite easy to get the hang of . And the controls are probably better for your children's ages.
The Mario games , lego games are brilliant for all ages.
I have a 12 and 14 year old who don't use social media , phones just for calling or WhatsApp. They are perfectly fine not being obsessed with tik tok or any other online rubbish .
Both gamers who play xbox .
I think you sound very sensible .

People don't really need to know anything apart from how to use a pc to send email etc, shop online, send attachments, make a booking etc.
Children certainly don't need to use Social Media.
Its toxic and dangerous and a headache for the parents.

Amazon fire tablets are great, you can set whatever parental limits you want, on what they are allowed to download, on when they can play, on how much time they can spend gaming vs reading/listening to audiobooks etc.

They also sometimes have a guarantee where if you break it it gets replaced, no quibbles

It's helped my tween because they can download apps which they use at school for homework and frees up the computer

@girlfriend44
agree!
my DC is of the age that grew up just as mobiles and social media emerged
I allowed very low screen (tv)until about 11. They bought first Xbox after leaving uni.

Eldest is 6. Technology is limited here too. They get 20 mins cbeebies after tea on weekdays.

We own a tablet which eldest is occasionally allowed to use, 30 mins or so once a week. It is set up with loads of child safety, disconnected from internet and basically only has:

• educational games
• a couple of more fun but simple games eg a racing game
• bbc iplayer downloads eg octonauts etc
• a drawing/painting app

Things he is not aware of and won't be allowed:

• youtube or any other social media
• roblox

Youngest (3) only has access to tablet to watch bbc programs on long car journeys, maybe 5 or 6 times a year.

Eldest also recently been allowed 30 mins on minecraft, supervised, with an older cousin once a fortnight. He treats it like a computer version of lego, basically just builds a house, digs a little bit, chops some trees. He is not aware of any online/multiplayer options and is never left alone at the computer.

No phone will be provided until secondary. When they get one, it will be loaded up with parental controls. There will be no access to tiktok and probably instagram/facebook etc until they are paying for the phone themselves (16+). I will have the phone password at all times.

You strike me as a loving parent and hope some of the suggestions others have made work for you.

Following with interest. I've been similar to you OP. DD is 7 and hasn't up until very recently shown much interest in tech. However it seems that most of her contemporaries are on Roblox or something and she's started to ask, so I've been wondering about introducing a Switch or similar (she has a birthday coming up next month so thinking for that). I think I'm going to hold off on a phone til she's older though

But I’m guessing you use your phone? I feel a bit of a hypocrite not letting my kids use screens when I use and enjoy mine so much.

Yes but adults enjoy having and doing lots of things that children should not have or do.

I'd avoid Roblox for as long as possible if I were you. Even with all the parental controls on etc it can still throw up some dodgy content. It always brings out the worst behaviour in DS10 so we limit it. Haven't banned it all together because all his friends play but if I was starting from scratch I would avoid it.

Go for the Switch. We play as a family on games like Mario Party, Mario Kart etc. They can be portable or link to the TV. Plus your DC can connect to their friends and play games together if you enabled it.

A tablet might be handy, as there are plenty of educational apps. DC are currently learning Italian on Duo Lingo ahead of our trip.

You can restrict Roblox so no one can communicate with your child at all.

Why not do what I do and join your children in a game? DD and I have a lot of fun playing together, there are many different games to explore on there.