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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my disconnected kids enter the digital world?

51 replies

Wonkyboobs · 08/01/2023 10:29

I've been low-tech thus far. No tablets, phones, games, screens but we allow limited telly a few times a week. I have worked in safeguarding and know the risks of online kids too well... but I am getting concerned that my children are missing out on social stuff and I know I need to relent at some point and guide them carefully into the world we all live in. I have no idea how to do it or what to get. I was thinking a console but don't know which one. Kids are 7 and 9. Everyone seems to be on Roblox.

Any advice welcome but specifically

-am i making a terrible mistake?

-what console do I look at getting? What is a switch and how does it work?

-what games are important to kids of this age group aside from Roblox. What games are good/educational/active?

-what do limits look like in other homes? I am absolutely not intetested in them setting their own boundaries when it comes to this. I am sure it works for some houses but I know of several where it has been an awful mistake.

-How does built in safety work on consoles? Anxiety relieving stories welcome.

Many thanks everyone!

OP posts:
GuybrushT · 08/01/2023 12:41

Mine have a Switch, and I'd agree with others that if you're going with a console I think it's the most appropriate for children. We encourage creative games in our house which the Switch has lots of - Minecraft, Lego, Animal Crossing and a game that's basically a modern version of Sim City are the games played in our house. I also play with the kids a lot of the time, more often or not the kids will ask me or DH to play with them. It's also easy to set up a time limit on the Switch so it gives them a countdown so they know how much time they have left and you can check this on your phone.

They use iPads sometimes for making animations and they have apps they're asked to use for homework such as Sumdog and Teach your Monster to Read. Roblox is the game I've always said to them they aren't having!

Singleandproud · 08/01/2023 12:56

I would avoid Roblox like the plague or set it up with top parental controls and play with them.

You sound very inexperienced so I think the most important thing for you today is to play alongside them so you get an understanding of how these things work.

We have a switch and a PS4 which we use mostly for TV but also for some platform games like Crash Bandicoot. I really like the Switch as the games are more sociable than a PS or XBox etc, the games are often easier and more intuitive and there are lots of games that are suitable for all ages. The games themselves are more short and sweet and you can just pick up and play instead of being invested for a marathon session of gameplay. DD can only talk and communicate with people she knows on it.

Minecraft can be played just in creative mode and they can just build buildings and towns etc or you can play in survival where there are targets to meet and (non-scary) zombies try and destroy what you've made. This can be played solo, with friends or opened up internationally. Minecraft is a brilliant bit of software that is really quite educational and helps teach programming in a way as you need to put certain blocks together to make certain actions happen.

Nosecamera · 08/01/2023 13:04

I grew up with very limited access to TV (I'm 45). There a big chunk of cultural references missing , it has always impacted on social interactions. I watched my siblings kids growing up the same way and let my dc pretty free access to YouTube. They can go on Roblox with limited functions but tend not to bother, they are Minecraft crazy.
Unless your social circle are raising their family the same way, my experience is that it isn't helping your dc.
You don't need to rush into this but can get yourself better informed before you involve your dc.

Silverpining · 08/01/2023 13:38

I was expecting to read the kids were far older, it’s really not that uncommon for 7 year olds especially to not have phones or tablets!

Original poster
Wonkyboobs · 08/01/2023 15:19

Wow everyone has been so kind! Thanks for all the help and not making me feel like an idiot. I'm really out of the loop with this stuff...

It sounds like Roblox is a no... I was pretty worried about it anyway as we have had problems with it at the kid's school and I also know kids who are full on addicted to it and it seems to cause a lot of sadness and behavioral issues...

I do have a circle of friends who are low tech but because I was brought up quite isolated from a lot of social things myself I am not happy with continuing in this vein, I want to introduce it slowly as opposed to a blanket ban. That said in my eldest's class at least we are absolute outliers. They are all on roblox and very connected generally especially since the pandemic.

OP posts:
Johnduttonsbuttocks · 08/01/2023 15:23

Don't do it!

Laiste · 08/01/2023 15:42

Youngest DD is 8.

My older 3 (20 somethings now) only had the playstation 1 and then 2 when they were growing up which was easy as no internet and just played what ever you put on them. Tomb Raider. Spiro. Crash Bandicoot ect.

It is more complicated nowadays but i try to keep it simple like it used to be.

So DD has an i pad. But You Tube is blocked on it.
She has a switch - she has a harry potter game and she has animal crossing. She is 'friends' with her sisters and a couple of school friends and her cousin on there.

We have a playstation 4 - she plays a lot of games on there which are age appropriate. Minecraft ect. Just like how you would pick films on the telly. No connecting to anyone online at all.

During school holls she is allowed 3 hours of 'small' screen time a day. This includes playing the playstation on the telly even though that's a big screen ! If that makes any sense 😂 She choses how to spread out her 3 hours. It's a bit of a ball ache making sure she keeps to it, but it's worth it.

No screens upstairs full stop.

Laiste · 08/01/2023 15:43

No Roblox here. Heard bad things.

Soubriquet · 08/01/2023 15:45

My kids love Roblox and tbh…so do I. It’s a fun little thing to play.

They also enjoy watching YouTube and ds recently asked for scratch junior. Not sure what that is, but they play it during school lessons so it must be ok.

We also have a switch and they love playing that too. The only games that are online are Minecraft, splatoon and among us but apart from that, everthing else is a closed circuit.

Laiste · 08/01/2023 15:47

I don't really know in detail how much her friends have or don't have. 3 hours a day on days off works for us.

She's always up early so typically watches bits on her i pad for an hour while waiting for brek.

An hour at 3 ish when bored.

An hour at 6/7 before bed.

She's allowed films on telly during the day in addition to this (Disney ect) - but doesn't sit still long enough to do even one whole one!

Laiste · 08/01/2023 15:50

See, for us You Kids Tube was a nightmare.

Her behaviour became awful when she started having access to it. Improved almost overnight when we blocked it!

ArrrMeHearties · 08/01/2023 15:52

My 7yo has a ps4 and he has age appropriate games eg lego, spongebob and sonic. He has youtube blocked on it but he has access to a child's profile on disney+ and netflix so he can watch his programmes

Stompythedinosaur · 08/01/2023 15:54

The open relationship you foster with your dc to talk to you about what they see and do online is far, far more important than the limits you set.

I know you aren't keen on self-regulation, but this works very well for us. The families I know with strict screen time rules have dc who use their screens for every second they are allowed (and push constantly for more time). We don't strictly limit, but find our dc choose to read or craft more often than they use screens.

Not all screens are bad. My dc spend hours making really creative Minecraft worlds or using craft tutorials which they follow along to do their own crafts.

In terms of where to start, it depends on what your dc want. The main negative of not having screens is missing out of socialising, as lots of this is online now. My dc play on Roblox the same sort of roleplaying that I would have done with dolls. I have found Roblox fine as long as you limit access to only the approved content (you can do this in settings) and we have a rule about only being friends with people they know in real life.

Soubriquet · 08/01/2023 15:54

My kids are also 7 and 9 btw. Their birthdays are in March so almost 8 and 10

UnbeatenMum · 08/01/2023 15:57

Minecraft creative mode is great for that age group. You can play on a PC if you already have one, and if you have two they can play together. No need to play online at all. I would supervise if you're letting them play Roblox personally. A drawing package like Tuxpaint is also fun and creative.

Laiste · 08/01/2023 16:04

@Stompythedinosaur the self regulation thing is an interesting one.

Of my four (all girls), two would self regulate to sensible levels and two wouldn't.

Eldest was the least interested in screens.

One in particular would have LIVED on screens if i let them - one of my older ones this is. Mid 20s now. I would have to prise her off the playstation when she was 8/9/10/11 with a crow bar long after her sisters had lost interest!

My youngest is not quite that bad - but would never in a million years self regulate to what i call a sensible level.

All kids are different.

harktheherold · 08/01/2023 16:04

Of course screens and other technology are not bad in themselves, it's all about the content and how they're used. My DC is in Reception and they use tablets in the classroom regularly as part of learning and play, acknowledging that using tech is a necessary and useful aspect of modern life that kids need to get comfortable with. Anyway, at home we don't have a TV but DCs have tablets and we don't set strict limits on usage - they mostly just watch kids shows or movies or play games like pizza making, connect 4, etc. When they get bored (or hungry!) they'll just turn off the tablet and do something else. No drama 🤷‍♀️

Barwickunited · 08/01/2023 16:12

My partner and I are currently breaking up over our kids Roblox addiction, they are 4 and 9 and completely addicted. Both doing badly at school and have seen inappropriate images on it despite me not allowing interaction with other users. I take their screens off them but he gives them constantly and undermine any limits I place on them. I’ve had enough, they even games during meals and have tantrums if they are restricted. I’ve already lost my children to screens so I may as well lose them 50% of the time too. Although I doubt he’ll want them that much. I’m going sledgehammer the tech when he goes.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/01/2023 16:32

Barwickunited · 08/01/2023 16:12

My partner and I are currently breaking up over our kids Roblox addiction, they are 4 and 9 and completely addicted. Both doing badly at school and have seen inappropriate images on it despite me not allowing interaction with other users. I take their screens off them but he gives them constantly and undermine any limits I place on them. I’ve had enough, they even games during meals and have tantrums if they are restricted. I’ve already lost my children to screens so I may as well lose them 50% of the time too. Although I doubt he’ll want them that much. I’m going sledgehammer the tech when he goes.

That sounds incredibly difficult!

Just in case it is helpful, I wanted to check you knew you can switch on "approved content only" on Roblox which should at least mean they don't see inappropriate things.

Emsmaman · 08/01/2023 16:41

Agree with no Roblox. It seems to be a pretty unsecure app. DD was hacked a couple of times in a short space of time and lost both virtual things she has spent months building, and real money she had put on the account from birthdays etc. Roblox Support were no help at all.

LuckeyBuoy · 08/01/2023 16:44

girlfriend44 · 08/01/2023 11:36

People don't really need to know anything apart from how to use a pc to send email etc, shop online, send attachments, make a booking etc.
Children certainly don't need to use Social Media.
Its toxic and dangerous and a headache for the parents.

Absolutely agree with this. I'm coming at this a bit differently, but my children just pre-date smartphones, computer games etc and I'm very, very glad. I would hold off as long as possible, really, @Wonkyboobs because once the flood gates are open, you're in a pretty vile swamp.

ittakes2 · 08/01/2023 17:07

You have to do what you think is best but children don't learn without practise. It is my experience from when I was a child / young adult that for friends whose parents were strict they either a) lied b) went crazy when they had a chance and just binged on the thing they were denied. I was lucky enough my twins were about 10 when having phones / social media blew up and I found that by letting them access at that age they a) discussed thing with me b) learnt the social ground rules at the same age as their peers.
Unless you are planning on relocating to a remote place without the internet - you are bringing children up in a gaming techno age and they would benefit from learning how to live in this society slowly.

knitfastdieyoung · 08/01/2023 19:00

Maybe a good approach is to let them play games in person with friends before allowing them to participate in online gaming...

Our DS (9) is has SEND and is far too naive and trusting. I am definitely not allowing online gaming for a few years. We tend to allow friends over so they can game together in real space. Platform games can be a good place to start. Astro's Playroom, Sackboy, and Sonic are all good.

ScrollingLeaves · 08/01/2023 19:05

It sounds as though you are wise and will get a good balance and know how to make your DC safe.

I recommend a book called ‘Stolen Focus’, though.

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 08/01/2023 19:12

We were the same as you. When our children were the same age as yours are now, we got them a Switch as they were starting to seek out rubbish on the iPad and asking for Roblox, and I thought it was a good way to satisfy their desires while keeping control of what they are playing. It’s worked out well.

Still don’t allow Roblox.