To expect a reply

[schratching]

I try to make an effort with a group of ladies but a few of them seem depressed at the moment. I asked if anyone fancied meeting up for lunch at the end of the month and a few ignored my message. We are all busy, working parents, me included.

Id reply with, no thanks, if I didn't want to or, i'll let you know, is fine but they've just seen it and ignored it. I would have to reply, aibu?

I won't be asking them again.

Yes a reply would be expected it’s rude not to reply.

Maybe they don’t want to be friends with people who assume they have mental health disorders? Maybe they didn’t reply because you’re uptight?

If you message a group asking if people want to go to something then it’s pretty standard that only those who do want to go will reply to you.

Have they told you they are depressed?
If they have depression they might just not be up to replying. It can be very tough.

Hang on was it a group chat? In that case no, I'd only expect a reply if someone did want to do something.

I hate group chats. Message them individually and see if you get any responses!

Yeah must be the group chat thing you're right.

I would just comment again "I take that as a no then"

This usually prompts a reply 😂

Maybe you should find new friends? If no-one literally NO-ONE has replied even with a polite no thanks I would assume friendship group had, had its day and move on

The closest friends message me separately and they have replied. I think this is the cue for me to stop messaging. I think they've moved on.

If they are depressed, it can make answering a message very hard even if you think it should be an easy thing to do.
They might not be depressed and just be very busy.
Maybe they don't have the funds right now and don't want to say.

Yeah I guess. Thanks for your replies.

‘Seeming a bit depressed’ is hardly a fully fledged “Mental Health Disorder” don’t be so bloody dramatic. No wonder there’s still such a stigma surrounding depression & mental health.
Also of course it’s rude not to reply! So if your best friend messaged to invite you to lunch and you didn’t want to go, you’d just ignore them?! I’d not bother with anyone who treated me like that

Actually I disagree. Asking a group if they want to meet and being met with radio silence is crushing and rude. How long does it take to say "Sorry. Can't make it. Hope you and whoever else goes have fun!"

@Cheeseandlobster I agree. Especially if you've got enough energy to work and do other things.

@SchnauzerEyebrows I won't be bothering either.

It's amazing isn't it - there are numerous and frequent threads on here with people bemoaning the fact they are lonely, would love to have a network of friends to have coffee or lunch with, don't have anyone to talk to when they're feeling down/miserable etc etc, and yet here you are @schratching extending the hand of friendship in such an uncomplicated way, for a lunch and that gesture is either ignored or not valued.

Yes I know the people on MN are different people to the friends on the group chat, but it seems such a common theme, wishing for friendships and someone to talk with and share news with, and yet when people have friends they appear not to value them.

YADNBU in feeling let down. If you're in a group chat, there should be a general expectation that people converse with each other with respect by acknowledging what someone has posted on there. It takes nothing, a minute to say thanks, even if they are getting over Christmas, are a bit broke, etc.

Did you suggest firm plans, or just a general desire to meet up? If I'm feeling low, tired or a bit overwhelmed I sometimes struggle to reply to general suggestions as I don't have the headspace to work out my availability and write a nice chatty reply. If you were to ask if I could make dinner on Thursday at 7pm, or whatever, I'd find it much easier to reply quickly. Might be relevant if some of the group are a bit depressed as you suggest.

Exactly, it doesn't take two seconds to say. I can't sorry. But just to not say anything I find a bit strange, and rude and annoying.

I did suggest a specific time and date. Their loss.

I’m the type to reply if the group if quiet, with a quick “Sorry, I can’t make it that day / a bit swamped at the moment”, hoping to prompt others, but some people just (reasonably) stay quiet. It depends really. I’m on a lot of WhatsApp groups with other mums and there are a few irritating fuckers on there - oversharing, for example, or dominating the conversation. It’s bearable on WA (or I can mute), but if they started extending invitations I would stay silent.

Extending the invitation? What does this mean? Also calling your friends irritating f***? 😬

I really dislike stagnant group chats where people don't participate. Yes, they should have replied, especially if it is not a massive group.

I'm in some group chats. TBH some seem more engaged with them than others and will only respond if it's something they want to do or that benefits them the rest of the time they don't engage so don't stress if not everyone gets back. There's always some who are super active and some who barely participate in every group chat.

This 100%.

Other posters talking about MH, what about the MH of the person making the effort only to be ignored?

Why are we justifying rudeness in this day and age?

How long between you messaging the group until now? (Have they still not replied?)

@Horseyhorsey3 exactly. Im withdrawing