Exh arrested for indecent images

Progolfernot · 2023-01-08T07:40:08+00:00

Posting here for traffic. Hope that’s ok! I don’t know where to start, I’m in complete shock. I’m a regular poster but have name changed for this. My exh’s partner has phoned me to tell me he has been arrested for viewing indecent images of under 18s. He rang me later on and said he has been released on bail, and that an old email account of his had been linked to an account that has viewed images of under 18s. His phone has been taken and it will be at least 3 months until the forensics look at it. His bail conditions say he is allowed no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18. He denied it all but I can’t imagine he’d admit it to me anyway. Can I ring the police for more information? We have a child who is 15 and absolutely dotes on their dad. I am absolutely devastated for them. I presume social services will be contacting me. How long is this likely to take? Obviously my absolute priority is my child but what do I tell them? Will social services want to speak to them directly? I am confident that my child is safe and hasn’t been put at risk but equally, knowing what I do now, what the hell am I meant to do? Any advice would be most welcome. Thank you.

MintJulia · 08/01/2023 07:58

I'd call social services and ask their advice, since they deal with this stuff every day. SS will probably be able to get more information from the police, which I suspect you may not.

It may be a mistake, or it may be your ex has looked at sites, but there are different levels and categories of content. I'd want to know a lot more before deciding how to handle this with your teen.

Tell your ex to make an excuse for not seeing dc face to face this week, while you establish the facts, as they are known so far.

Whatever the answers, bail terms need to be observed so do you have the kind of relationship where your ex can come to your house to see dc, so you are present?

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:04

Under 18’s? What country are you in? I’m assuming it’s actually under 16’s and he doesn’t want to tell you that, over 16 is legal? I agree with pp asking ss for advice. The police will be unable to disclose anything if he’s just getting investigated, in case of the unlikely event he’s innocent. I wouldn’t just assume ss will be contacting you unless he gets a conviction. I’d be asking them for advice about keeping your dc away from him until this is sorted.

KangarooKenny · 08/01/2023 08:06

Absolutely contact SS. And think about contacting school too, so they know he is not allowed contact.

Simonjt · 08/01/2023 08:07

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:04

Under 18’s? What country are you in? I’m assuming it’s actually under 16’s and he doesn’t want to tell you that, over 16 is legal? I agree with pp asking ss for advice. The police will be unable to disclose anything if he’s just getting investigated, in case of the unlikely event he’s innocent. I wouldn’t just assume ss will be contacting you unless he gets a conviction. I’d be asking them for advice about keeping your dc away from him until this is sorted.

Over 16 is most definitely not legal in the UK, you have to be 18 in the UK to be in porn.

Simonjt · 08/01/2023 08:07

KangarooKenny · 08/01/2023 08:06

Absolutely contact SS. And think about contacting school too, so they know he is not allowed contact.

This is what I would do as well, make sure you have an adult who can support you with the call, that way if its too much for you they may find it easier to give details on your behalf.

wherethewildthingis · 08/01/2023 08:09

It is absolutely not legal to view indecent images of children over the age of 16 in the UK.

fajitaaaa · 08/01/2023 08:10

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:04

Under 18’s? What country are you in? I’m assuming it’s actually under 16’s and he doesn’t want to tell you that, over 16 is legal? I agree with pp asking ss for advice. The police will be unable to disclose anything if he’s just getting investigated, in case of the unlikely event he’s innocent. I wouldn’t just assume ss will be contacting you unless he gets a conviction. I’d be asking them for advice about keeping your dc away from him until this is sorted.

That's not legal. I'd look at whoever told you it was suspiciously

NashvilleQueen · 08/01/2023 08:10

Yes under18s are defined as children. It's nothing to do with the age of consent.

nancydroo · 08/01/2023 08:12

This can also happen with current email accounts so always make sure you log out. It's horrible weirdos using other people's details for their disgusting perverted exploits. I hope they catch the person who did this because even if the police eventually conclude exh details were hacked, the offender can just do it again. It will have to be investigated again! Then it's a no smoke without fire situation. Horrible.

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/01/2023 08:13

It's complex situation, don't think anyone can easily advise here.

Probe and interrogate husband. Lack of honesty and info is a reason to distrust and act on that distrust.

And let's be honest, police aren't going to go these lengths if there was no substantial evidence...

NancyJoan · 08/01/2023 08:14

nancydroo · 08/01/2023 08:12

This can also happen with current email accounts so always make sure you log out. It's horrible weirdos using other people's details for their disgusting perverted exploits. I hope they catch the person who did this because even if the police eventually conclude exh details were hacked, the offender can just do it again. It will have to be investigated again! Then it's a no smoke without fire situation. Horrible.

Why would they bother? It’s not hard to set up a new email address. ‘I must have been hacked’ sounds like an excuse to me.

D04J · 08/01/2023 08:15

Recently had something similar with partner. Was traumatic! Be prepared for a whirlwind of police and SS picking apart yours and your child's life. My DP has neared the end now, and none of the accusations were true but yeah, it's not good 😭

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:19

Simonjt · 08/01/2023 08:07

Over 16 is most definitely not legal in the UK, you have to be 18 in the UK to be in porn.

Show quote history

Ah, ok. I stand corrected. So you can have sex with a 16 year old but not look at a photo of one? Not saying either is right but I find that really bizzare!

LikeTearsInRain · 08/01/2023 08:22

Dirty man.

I would stop DC seeing them for now based on what he’s said.

I would not initiate contact with SS unless you want them prying into every corner of your life. If they need to be involved they will contact you.

LadyBug2022 · 08/01/2023 08:23

I tend to disagree with that statement. (That they would not bother to look into it unless there was substantial evidence.) The police are all about funding, therefore numbers, so any hint of soomething like this and they see an easy target. No way of knowing atm if he is innocent or guilty.
But i think as it is a child the police and ss would both g
ive you further info and or point you in the right direction.

Original poster

Progolfernot · 08/01/2023 08:23

Thank you so much for the replies.

I feel sick with anxiety. I’ve worked so hard to ensure our child has a settled, stable life and can’t imagine how this will affect them when they find out. I just want to protect them from it all.

Myself and exh have an amicable relationship (for the sake of DC) but equally, I’d want to distance myself from him too whilst he’s being investigated. (I work with children so cannot be anyway associated/ linked to this).

I will ring SS tomorrow for advice. I just can’t believe this is happening.

OP posts:

confessionstoday · 08/01/2023 08:28

It won't be 3 months. Most police forces are around 12-18 months to look at images.

Don't expect this to be resolved quickly.

JustDrama · 08/01/2023 08:31

confessionstoday · 08/01/2023 08:28

It won't be 3 months. Most police forces are around 12-18 months to look at images.

Don't expect this to be resolved quickly.

Agree with this. It'll take ages. It's all about what they find on those devices supported by what they have already that triggered the arrest.

Hotmess1 · 08/01/2023 08:39

Im so sorry you are in this situation. Speaking from experience, my ex boyfriend was arrested for similar - they took about 6/7 weeks to look at his phone etc and he got a caution.

When I spoke to the police officer at the time she told me they don’t have time to chase down everyone who looks at the odd image here and there (I guess it could be accidental?) but once they see someone viewing either regularly or a largeish no of images they go in so if he does try to downplay it as accidentally clicking on a pic for example, don’t buy it.

I would contact social services, they will be able to advise. Look after yourself and your child, the shock of this kind of thing is horrendous x

KenAddams · 08/01/2023 08:40

@Ihatethenewlook I always found this strange u can marry soMe one in the uk at 16 but couldn't send your husband a dirty pic until 2nd anniversary lol

Lynseylou1 · 08/01/2023 08:42

The police will have made a referral to children's social care and they will be in contact with you soon. The advice will be to not allow any contact between the children and dad until assessments have been completed and even after this it's likely he will have to be supervised with the children from now on. Quite often the excuse given by people who have been arrested for accessing sexual images of children is that they've been hacked in some way however down the line police find a lot more information out however this does take quite a long time.

Nightsonthetiles · 08/01/2023 08:44

I'm so sorry and would echo what others have said about contacting social services. Even if he is found to have had them, it doesn't (sadly!) Mean he will go to jail.

My former hairdressers dad was found with images... Got away with it!! It's sick!

www.pressreader.com/uk/airdrie-coatbridge-advertiser/20151230/281513635124771

Ihatethenewlook · 08/01/2023 08:45

KenAddams · 08/01/2023 08:40

@Ihatethenewlook I always found this strange u can marry soMe one in the uk at 16 but couldn't send your husband a dirty pic until 2nd anniversary lol

I completely get an under 18yo not being able to work in the actual porn industry. The op didn’t specifically say porn though, just images. They could have been sent to him by an actual 17 year old? No doubt there’s 17 year olds on only fans type sites. Like I said, not saying it’s right, but yes very strange that you can have any sort of sexual encounter with a 16 year old with consent, but (for eg) not look at a pic of a 17 year olds breasts.

nancydroo · 08/01/2023 08:46

@NancyJoan because they get kicks out of using a real person. They use their details and doctor their pictures and share it on the dark web with their equally perverted online friends. Whilst an innocent person has to deal with the fallout and investigation.

unicornwonders · 08/01/2023 08:49

i’ve also not long been through this with my partner, (false and proven to be innocent however) the investigation took between 6/7 months with his bail getting extended every month. Social services because involved, they would check in every couple of weeks about how things are going support needed etc. They made a safety plan(who would supervise contact, when, where etc) he had to stay somewhere with no children as you can’t supervise when asleep. it was an awful time, in this scenario he was innocent and we had proof but i guess you won’t know until you get more info (social services can give you an idea as there told alot more)