Hi, first time poster so I don't really know what to expect. Lonely Saturday night and I feel really guilty.
I have a 7 month old baby daughter who is perfect (I have 2 older children from previous too).
The most recent pregnancy wasn't planned but we were happy and planning a future. We hadn't moved in together at that point and didn't think we should automatically move in because I was pregnant, trying to be sensible (and turns out it really was).
When I was 7 months pregnant we split up. Arguing, and I felt very unsupported.
By the time the baby came along we tried again. We've had a hellish 7 months of ups and downs in the relationship.
A month ago we split up, and it felt final. So I let him know out of courtesy that I had contacted the child maintenance service so that we don't argue about finances. He said fine, what happens now, I said I wasn't sure, that they'd contact him I guessed.
A few days later he rang upset, apologising and claiming he wanted to get help for his behaviour. This was a bit of a breakthrough moment for him to admit some of the things he was doing in the relationship. So we tried again and got on well for a week at my place! By the time he had returned to his place, he had the letter from CMS. He messaged fuming, and said that's it, I don't get to have him anymore I just get the money.
The conversation then went like this :
Me: ok just go through solicitor from now on
Him : for what?!
Me : contact for the baby
Him : you're on your own
Me: did you just say that about your baby?! That you don't want contact?!
I'm devastated for the baby, I mean we're in our 40s and not children and I don't understand why he'd say this about her. I feel so guilty for contacting the CMS as it's resulted in my baby not having a father, I guess I need some reassurance - did I do the right thing? Or a kick up the bum if I didn't?
Financial background :
I've returned to further education and on Universal credit, so not earning for now. He works full time on around £32000 per year.
He has 2 children from previous that he has 50/50.
Baby stays with me full time and he stays here to be with the baby. We decided this to have the baby's home as a constant and in the hope one day he would move in anyway. He's never had the baby overnight on his own.
He's paid for a couple of items for the baby, during pregnancy he paid for the pushchair. First months nursery fees (he's had 70% back) but hasn't contributed to the other 4 months. (We need to pay 30% ourselves for me to go to college and him to work).
He's bought formula I'd say about 5 times, never bought any actual food now we're weaning.
He bought the baby monitor.
Cot and everything in her room was bought and built by me when we were split. Clothes night by my mum and me regulaly, he hasn't bought clothes in months.
I just feel so guilty that as a result of my action, my baby now has a dad that doesn't want to know.
Please MN help me get my head straight.