Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she clueless or am I missing something?

77 replies

Cluelessa · 07/01/2023 13:37

I have a mummy friend.
She is single, I am married.
There's about 5 months between our toddlers, around 2 years of age.

Friend, let's call her 'Anna'...has well off parents who have worked hard for their money. My parents are comfortable but don't have much to spare, they equally have worked hard.

I have worked hard, at the expense of my social life as a teen and young adult to hold down a respectable profession. Anna works 2 days a week in a pub, and cleans for her parents where she spends 4 out of 7 days, the other 3 days in a flat, paid for by benefits apparently. Flat has been refurbished to a boutique standard almost, not done obviously by the housing association! Flat has big rooms, especially bedrooms as far as flats go.
I live in a mortgaged house family otherside of the country, rarely see them. House needs lots of work, we bought a project as that's all we could afford for the family home we wanted. Bedrooms are quite small.

Anna wants to go to Dinesyland Paris, understands that "to do it properly" will cost about £3k. Thinks maybe she'll do it in a year or so. So this year instead wants to go on holiday abroad, let's say Spain...oh it's only a couple of hundred quid, not expensive Hmm She was explaining all her trips out,regularly London which include train fares cost her about £50/60 quid, she picks up meal deals so it's cheaper....

I said we aren't even contemplating trips abroad for the next decade due to cost, that's where she said "Oh Spain is cheap..."...

Anna sells lots of stuff she's bought online, but buys stuff to...

Am I missing something, surely working in a pub 2 days a week, cleaning for a few hours on a weekend and selling the odd thing on vented does not fund her amazing fun filled lifestyle on benefits?!

I have literally almost no money left after mortgage and bills, even with my DH who also works as a white collar professional full time.

AIBU to think she's a bit clueless to the real 'unsubbed by parents' world?

OP posts:
healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:31

@memyselfi because when Op said they couldn't consider a holiday for at least 10 years she said why Spain is only a few hundred pounds ? That gives you a clue why OP was asking do you think she is not aware

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:31

Cluelessa · 07/01/2023 16:54

Expected the vipers. No I'm not well officially scraping by ... especially as the cost of living goes up. My AIBU was surely the average SP would be scraping through to if not surely woukd be in a far worse position and that its weird she doesn't get how financially stressed the average person is and especially weird considering if it weren't for her parents she'd be up shit creek?

So you want her to be as miserable as you.

“If I can’t have it why should she”

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:32

Cluelessa · 07/01/2023 16:55

I just think she has no clue how lucky she is?!

What do you want her to do? Apologise to you?

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:34

@Coffeellama but that isn't what the op asked is it
Most haven't read the question have they ? Op was asking if her friend doesn't realise what its like for those who don't have external money etc to help
Its cleat she won't be able to afford all she does on her job and UC top up , you don't need to be an idiot to know that and if people think she can how can they then say about people not being able to heat and eat , you can't have it both ways

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/01/2023 17:35

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:28

You’re so right OP.

Poor people on <whispers> benefits should eat gruel, never venture past the end of the road except for holidays which should strictly be spent in a puddle in a field. They should also self flagellate every night over the she of being someone who rents and works for low wages. disgusting woman.

OBVIOUSLY it’s her fault you’re miserable with your own life and she deserves to suffer. Thank god she has such an excellent supportive friend like you to show her the error of her shameful disgusting ways. I mean people without mortgages who want to take their kids to Disneyland are akin to murderers. Have you considered calling 101?

Puddle in a field? PUDDLE? IN A FIELD?

Tha doesn't know tha's born, lass. I can only DREAM of a holiday of a puddle in a field. When I were young you'd have been lucky to get an afternoon in a bucket of pigshit. And tha'd've thanked yon pig for the honour of being allowed to wallow in its excrement!

Etc. Cop on, OP.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:35

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:30

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet another one thats not read the post properly
Answer the actual question OP asked ?
Too many on aibu who are just here to put the boot in and says so much more about them than anyone else
Hiding behind a screen

OP doesn’t want us to answer her ridiculous question she wants us to tell her how awful Anna is and how much she doesn’t deserve a lovely life of holidays when people like the OP work so hard.

Perfectly reasonable to assume that a married couple in “respectable/white collar” jobs can afford a few hundred quid for a holiday once a year.

AnxiousPancreas · 07/01/2023 17:36

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:27

There is some real twats on here and its not the OP
Ready to jump on things and turning a thread into something it isnt
Try actually reading the post
The OP simply asked is her friend detached from the real world by saying to OP its only a few hundred to go to Spain as though thats no big deal
Its clear she has help from elsewhere to maintain the lifestyle or has recieved money from somewhere as a few days cleaning etc would not fund the lifestyle so yes the friend is out of touch to how many with no external help have to live

Everyone already read the OP. The comments are more than fair. Your comment doesn’t even appear to have a point other than that everyone who doesn’t agree with the OP’s request to be horrible to her “friend” is a big meanie.

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:36

@Cluelessa pointless posting on here these days its just full on nasty keyboard warriors , they can't even read your post properly just jump in
Its becoming quite a toxic place , people can disagree and offer alternate views but in aibu its just done in a nasty horrible way by many who can't see how ironic they are

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:37

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/01/2023 17:35

Puddle in a field? PUDDLE? IN A FIELD?

Tha doesn't know tha's born, lass. I can only DREAM of a holiday of a puddle in a field. When I were young you'd have been lucky to get an afternoon in a bucket of pigshit. And tha'd've thanked yon pig for the honour of being allowed to wallow in its excrement!

Etc. Cop on, OP.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Rockingcloggs · 07/01/2023 17:37

OP. I get your frustration, I really do. But in black and white what you're saying is "how come me and my husband work full time, pay for everything ourselves, get no hand outs but are, materialistically/socially worse off?'. But that's just life, do I think you should be able to be as well off as Anna? Yeah course I do but nothing you can say is gonna change the fact that you're not. Yeah her parents are probably funding most of her life but please don't deny that if someone was offering to fund your fun existence because they just wanted to that you wouldn't accept it because I definitely would!!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:38

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:36

@Cluelessa pointless posting on here these days its just full on nasty keyboard warriors , they can't even read your post properly just jump in
Its becoming quite a toxic place , people can disagree and offer alternate views but in aibu its just done in a nasty horrible way by many who can't see how ironic they are

Where’s the irony??

OP is being a shit friend and many of us aren’t buying it that her friend owes her any explanation of anything to do with her lifestyle.

The end

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:38

@AnxiousPancreas clearly you didn't as you didn't answer the question and meanies , words other than that I would use for some on here and it wouldn't hurt some to think or take a look in the mirror
But its oh see easy hidden behind a screen
Don't quote or tag me again as I intend to leave mumsnet as its not a nice place really

excelledyourself · 07/01/2023 17:39

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:34

@Coffeellama but that isn't what the op asked is it
Most haven't read the question have they ? Op was asking if her friend doesn't realise what its like for those who don't have external money etc to help
Its cleat she won't be able to afford all she does on her job and UC top up , you don't need to be an idiot to know that and if people think she can how can they then say about people not being able to heat and eat , you can't have it both ways

Why all the irrelevant info about OP's sacrifices, hard work, and respectable, white collar jobs?

Would have been suffice for OP to say she's skint and can't afford a holiday, and why can't Anna realise that not everyone has the same incomings and outgoings.

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:39

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet she didn't ask for an expkaniation she asked if hwr friend was a bit out of touch for how it is with others who don't have family help , you clearly didn't read

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:39

@healthadvice123
Bye then.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/01/2023 17:40

Is that a clap of thunder I hear or the sound of the door hitting @healthadvice123 's arse on their way out?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:40

excelledyourself · 07/01/2023 17:39

Why all the irrelevant info about OP's sacrifices, hard work, and respectable, white collar jobs?

Would have been suffice for OP to say she's skint and can't afford a holiday, and why can't Anna realise that not everyone has the same incomings and outgoings.

Show quote history

OP was the one waffling on about respectable/white collar jobs. That’s what makes it relevant

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:40

@excelledyourself its called background info
Why all the nasty replies its easy to disagree and not be nasty is it not
Certain names you see crop up all the time

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:41

@LadyOfTheCanyon my point exactly

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:41

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:39

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet she didn't ask for an expkaniation she asked if hwr friend was a bit out of touch for how it is with others who don't have family help , you clearly didn't read

No she had a long anti-benefits rant, threw in some self pity then obtusely asked “is my friend clueless“. We see her. That’s all

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:42

@LadyOfTheCanyon your parents must be so proud

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/01/2023 17:42

SToP BEinG NAstY

Stop behaving like an over sensitive 10 year old girl. It’s not even your thread and you’re (apparently) gonna flounce over the replies.

NotSummerYet · 07/01/2023 17:49

There are a surprising number of people that are subsidised by family. I know someone who is in her mid thirties, married but her parents pay for everything; their Land Rover, private school fees for their children, even their house which is a converted barn on the land of her parents' home.

The above mentioned woman isn't on benefits but I do think it's a bit of a piss take if someone is getting thousands of pounds per month from family and is still claiming benefits.

excelledyourself · 07/01/2023 17:49

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:40

@excelledyourself its called background info
Why all the nasty replies its easy to disagree and not be nasty is it not
Certain names you see crop up all the time

But it wasn't necessary. OP obviously wanted everyone to know she deserved better than Anna, because she and her DH had worked for her money and made sacrifices, with no handouts, but Anna hadn't.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet it wasn't relevant when OP posted it, is my my point.

AnxiousPancreas · 07/01/2023 17:54

healthadvice123 · 07/01/2023 17:38

@AnxiousPancreas clearly you didn't as you didn't answer the question and meanies , words other than that I would use for some on here and it wouldn't hurt some to think or take a look in the mirror
But its oh see easy hidden behind a screen
Don't quote or tag me again as I intend to leave mumsnet as its not a nice place really

The question was an attempt to get people to slag someone else off. How strange that you think people should pile on a random stranger on request rather than call out a bully. If my friends were asking others to slate me behind my back then I’d think it’s far kinder to stand up to them than to go along with it just in case the bully is sad that their mission to recruit more bullies didn’t work. It’s a shame you’re not intending to stay, mumsnet offers a lot of support to people, but when people are being nasty they’ll call a spade a spade.