Is she clueless or am I missing something?

[Cluelessa]

I have a mummy friend.
She is single, I am married.
There's about 5 months between our toddlers, around 2 years of age.

Friend, let's call her 'Anna'...has well off parents who have worked hard for their money. My parents are comfortable but don't have much to spare, they equally have worked hard.

I have worked hard, at the expense of my social life as a teen and young adult to hold down a respectable profession. Anna works 2 days a week in a pub, and cleans for her parents where she spends 4 out of 7 days, the other 3 days in a flat, paid for by benefits apparently. Flat has been refurbished to a boutique standard almost, not done obviously by the housing association! Flat has big rooms, especially bedrooms as far as flats go.
I live in a mortgaged house family otherside of the country, rarely see them. House needs lots of work, we bought a project as that's all we could afford for the family home we wanted. Bedrooms are quite small.

Anna wants to go to Dinesyland Paris, understands that "to do it properly" will cost about £3k. Thinks maybe she'll do it in a year or so. So this year instead wants to go on holiday abroad, let's say Spain...oh it's only a couple of hundred quid, not expensive She was explaining all her trips out,regularly London which include train fares cost her about £50/60 quid, she picks up meal deals so it's cheaper....

I said we aren't even contemplating trips abroad for the next decade due to cost, that's where she said "Oh Spain is cheap..."...

Anna sells lots of stuff she's bought online, but buys stuff to...

Am I missing something, surely working in a pub 2 days a week, cleaning for a few hours on a weekend and selling the odd thing on vented does not fund her amazing fun filled lifestyle on benefits?!

I have literally almost no money left after mortgage and bills, even with my DH who also works as a white collar professional full time.

AIBU to think she's a bit clueless to the real 'unsubbed by parents' world?

Her tone is quite clear, she worked very hard and made sacrifices to hold down her ‘respectable profession’ while Anna works in a pub and cleans. The part you quoted isn’t what I was referring to.

Apologies, you are right - I missed that part.

I still think that, whilst OP's tone is quite 'superior', it isn't necessarily dreadful to wonder how somebody working part-time in low-paid jobs can be constantly living a lifestyle that full-timers in well-paid professions often couldn't afford.

It probably isn't technically benefit fraud, but I think most people frown on the idea of massively under-declaring your regular income in order to claim top-up money from the state that they very obviously do not need.

Nobody says 'none of your business' when it's a self-employed NRP dad who deliberately declares to the authorities that he only earns a very low amount from his very successful business in order to avoid properly paying for his kids and often forcing their mum to claim benefits as a result.

That said, having said that cleaning and pub work are usually low-paid, I wonder if, in her case, she has the best of both worlds: where her parents pay her £250 an hour for cleaning, so she is earning an amazing wage all under her own steam; but when it comes to declaring for tax/benefit purposes, it suddenly becomes 'occasional little gifts from mum and dad'.

I don't think we can know the full story either way, but for somebody on her (presumed) level of income to not only be able to afford a holiday to Spain, but to brush it off as 'so cheap' does sound quite 'off'.

ANOTHER stealth benefits bashing thread. Yes, she's clearly subbed by her parents. You don't get that kind of lifestyle on universal credit. It's also none of your business though.

Would you say the same if her parents had died and left her a huge lump sum in inheritance that set her up for life - and she still claimed benefits?

Whilst I agree that some people are always keen to bash and demonise anybody on benefits who has the tiniest little treats now and again, people who DO claim when they obviously are of sufficient means (whether savings/inheritance or regular, reliable substantial 'under the counter' treats/subbing/big bills paid for them) only serve to perpetuate that demonising of the folk who do genuinely need the benefits.

Nobody says 'none of your business' when it's a self-employed NRP dad who deliberately declares to the authorities that he only earns a very low amount from his very successful business in order to avoid properly paying for his kids and often forcing their mum to claim benefits as a result.

It still wouldn’t be the OPs business though. She may just manage to get the best of all worlds, shel get plenty of help from universal credit if her income is low, but she’s meeting her work requirements. Child maintenance from the dad doesn’t affect benefits, and ‘gifts’ of money or holidays are allowed. I can’t say I’d be passing so much judgement on a friend for doing a little better than me in life, that’s not really friendship.

I have a mummy friend.

No you don't. You're no friend.

There's a few threads like this at the moment, seemingly slating people on UC and starting a bunfight. If you were her friend you wouldn't give a shit where she got her money from.

Child maintenance from the dad doesn’t affect benefits, and ‘gifts’ of money or holidays are allowed.

Really? So if an extremely well-paid NRP were doing the decent thing and paying £100K a year in support to his kids' household (highly, highly unlikely, granted), their mum could also claim benefits on that household income - when she couldn't if the father were still living with her?

Also, there are 'gifts' and there are 'gifts'. £100 in your birthday card, no issue; a regular 'gift' of £2,500 on the first working day of every month - or an agreement to pick up and clear somebody's credit card bill for that kind of amount every month as a 'gift', not so much.

That’s not fair! She shouldn’t be allowed to go on holiday

Expected the vipers. No I'm not well officially scraping by ... especially as the cost of living goes up. My AIBU was surely the average SP would be scraping through to if not surely woukd be in a far worse position and that its weird she doesn't get how financially stressed the average person is and especially weird considering if it weren't for her parents she'd be up shit creek?

Well off that should have been

I just think she has no clue how lucky she is?!

So what? Do you think us all saying “gosh isn’t Anna such a silly moron” will change that?

Sure I've read this thread already today.

I said we aren't even contemplating trips abroad for the next decade due to cost

OP, maybe if you got a second job in a pub you'd be able to afford a holiday then.

She's probably as clueless about your life as you are about hers. It's absolutely none of your business how anyone else lives.

If she's subbed by her parents then she must understand that people who aren't subbed by their parents have less money than her. I'd see your point if she was constantly putting down other single parents and announcing it was easy to go to Disneyland when you're on benefits but you haven't mentioned she does this. I'm not really sure what she's meant to do about the fact that she has parents who are happy to support her when other single mums don't?

Lots of married couples working full time can't afford to get on the property ladder. Do you constantly talk about how lucky you are compared to them? Or do you just enjoy the life you're lucky enough to live.

The bigger question is why do you care, given that it's absolutely none of your business.

It sounds as though she has a lovely family.
Why do you think she doesn't know she's fortunate?

Maybe she gets a ton in child maintenance. Maybe she's had an inheritance. Maybe her mum and dad sub her as they want to see her enjoy their money while they are alive.

Maybe she is as rightfully clueless about your income as you are about hers, but at least she's not making threads about you and asking strangers to judge you.

@AnxiousPancreas yet can't be nice on the internet clearly

Goodness. I’d hate a friend like you who forensically examined my lifestyle and financial situation and decided I wasn’t grateful enough.

how horrible.

There is some real twats on here and its not the OP
Ready to jump on things and turning a thread into something it isnt
Try actually reading the post
The OP simply asked is her friend detached from the real world by saying to OP its only a few hundred to go to Spain as though thats no big deal
Its clear she has help from elsewhere to maintain the lifestyle or has recieved money from somewhere as a few days cleaning etc would not fund the lifestyle so yes the friend is out of touch to how many with no external help have to live

You’re so right OP.

Poor people on <whispers> benefits should eat gruel, never venture past the end of the road except for holidays which should strictly be spent in a puddle in a field. They should also self flagellate every night over the she of being someone who rents and works for low wages. disgusting woman.

OBVIOUSLY it’s her fault you’re miserable with your own life and she deserves to suffer. Thank god she has such an excellent supportive friend like you to show her the error of her shameful disgusting ways. I mean people without mortgages who want to take their kids to Disneyland are akin to murderers. Have you considered calling 101?

@Jakeyachey well the friend wasn't too bothered to discuss all she does knowing the Op can't afford it and then to tell her Spain's only a few hundred so why can't you afford it

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet another one thats not read the post properly
Answer the actual question OP asked ?
Too many on aibu who are just here to put the boot in and says so much more about them than anyone else
Hiding behind a screen

To be fair you can get pretty cheap deals for holidays abroad especially out of term time and with only one adult. It can work out cheaper than most trips to the UK so no she isn't clueless. Obviously some people can't spare a few hundred quid to be spare but she obviously does.

True. There were flights to Spain for £16 one way when I was looking last week via EasyJet for the end of February and beginning of March and with it being low season, accommodations are cheap too. Depending on what kind of traveler one is, such a holiday could be cheaper than a week of her travels to and from London.