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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About flying business class

263 replies

KittiKati · 07/01/2023 11:18

DH has fibromyalgia & MS. It’s extremely difficult for him to sit in a plane seat for any length of time whether short or long haul.

We were talking about holidays and he suggested he flies business class and me and DS fly economy. I said I didn’t feel that this was appropriate and would rather save up the extra money and we all fly business class.

He seemed genuinely put out by this and is acting like I am being unreasonable? Interested in other peoples opinions please

OP posts:
Munches · 08/01/2023 04:56

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2023 11:25

He would still have to sit in his seat in business class, wouldn't he?

Exactly

OrdinaryAva · 08/01/2023 05:26

He won’t be able to sit in emergency exit as you need to be fit & able to do this. Nor will you be nipping in & out of BC eating his food or drink. If you thought BC was expensive before it’s double that now for some flights. You could get extra legroom & he could sit in the exit row. Many people will struggle with a long haul flight, Illness or not. Can’t believe the people who say they wouldn’t have a problem with this, I’m sure they didn’t when they were the one flying BC.

amylou8 · 08/01/2023 05:46

Definitely check the airlines business class product first. On short haul they sometimes use normal seats, with the middle one free and a nicer meal, which really wouldn't help in this case. You'd be better off with extra leg room economy seats.

Morestrangethings · 08/01/2023 05:47

I have a chronic disabling illness and if I was going to fly business class I’d want my husband and child to do so too. I’m guessing you do quite a bit to help him, and a little luxury would be good for you. Can’t believe he thinks his way is okay.

Years ago I flew to Europe with older family members. I flew economy they flew business and I wasn’t allowed up to the front end of the plane to speak to them. So chances are you wouldn’t get your champagne either.

Having said that, I won’t fly for holidays now anyway. The negative impact on the environment is too great. When they come up with a greener way to fly I’lll reassess.

StalkedByASpider · 08/01/2023 05:58

I really don't think this is a black and white situation, and I don't think you deserve the pile-on that you're getting OP.

MS is an awful condition, but some people only have mild symptoms for many years. So while I think we're all imagining someone who has a terrible disability, that may not actually be the case. No doubt flying is difficult and uncomfortable, especially if it's got fibro at the moment too. All I'm saying is that there's not enough information in the OP to decide whether DH flying business class really is essential or whether he could get a better seat in economy and be OK. If he's mobile and can move around, he might still be able to sit on the exit row - as I say, there's not enough info about how severe his MS is to judge.

But let's assume that it's fair enough that DH needs business class - and that's not an unreasonable assumption. I can definitely see why that might be the case. I think the issue is that he doesn't see why OP and the DC should get to fly business class too. So DH gets the enjoyment of the business class lounge - which OP and DC won't be able to access. He gets the comfy seat, the nicer food and all the perks. In the meantime, OP gets to watch the DC on her own in the airport, manage them by herself the entire plan journey, have the substandard seat/food/perks etc.

I would expect DH to acknowledge that although his medical condition requires him to take the better seat, the OP really is taking on a lot more of the burden and it's a little unfair. An honest conversation about cost and affordability is needed, but for me, DH's attitude would make a big difference. An entitled attitude with an assumption that no one else should be able to fly business class and that OP should just suck up everything would make me far less amenable to flying economy with the DC on my own. Conversely, a DH who was grateful for me taking on more of the shit during travel and could see my point of view - even if ultimately we couldn't afford it - would mean I would be far more likely to agree.

People will disabilities can be selfish arses too - there may be a medical need but it doesn't stop DH from being considerate or appreciating what he's asking the OP to do. And I say this myself as a personal with a genetic, life-long disability.

TheDietStartsTomorrowOrMaybeTheDayAfter · 08/01/2023 06:05

YABU. Don’t miss out on going on holiday just so you can all fly business class. Your DH has a legitimate medical reason to sit there, it’s not as though he’s being a misogynistic arse hole insisting you sit in economy whilst he quaffs champagne in business.

tsunami · 08/01/2023 06:05

Go on holiday in the UK?

Ohheythereitsme · 08/01/2023 06:09

Tricky, if it as genuine medical need then I would consider it. However you will want to assume your dh will be the one lingering in economy to help. I’ve never seen anyone hanging around by seats in BC to talk.

If you all go, the price will be significantly higher so you have to weigh up the pros and cons for you as a family.

Christmasbaubleswithtinselon · 08/01/2023 06:39

How long is the flight? I’ve just done 11 hours straight in economy and it was not fun or comfortable. There are better seats you can book for extra leg room but only a few.

There is a chance you can upgrade when you check in at the desk. We tried it this time and the seat prices were a fraction of the cost but they only had one left in business and 2 in premium so we left if and all sat together.

rainbowstardrops · 08/01/2023 06:46

How old is your DS? If he's very young, I'd put him in business class with your DH so then at least you're not in economy and doing the childcare as well.

Betsyboo87 · 08/01/2023 07:18

Wading in on the champagne point here. DH used to travel a lot with work pre covid. I would join him if I could. His work would pay bc for long haul but I’d go economy as we had to pay for mine. He would always ask the cabin crew to take a glass of champagne to me and they always did.

Lampzade · 08/01/2023 07:21

StalkedByASpider · 08/01/2023 05:58

I really don't think this is a black and white situation, and I don't think you deserve the pile-on that you're getting OP.

MS is an awful condition, but some people only have mild symptoms for many years. So while I think we're all imagining someone who has a terrible disability, that may not actually be the case. No doubt flying is difficult and uncomfortable, especially if it's got fibro at the moment too. All I'm saying is that there's not enough information in the OP to decide whether DH flying business class really is essential or whether he could get a better seat in economy and be OK. If he's mobile and can move around, he might still be able to sit on the exit row - as I say, there's not enough info about how severe his MS is to judge.

But let's assume that it's fair enough that DH needs business class - and that's not an unreasonable assumption. I can definitely see why that might be the case. I think the issue is that he doesn't see why OP and the DC should get to fly business class too. So DH gets the enjoyment of the business class lounge - which OP and DC won't be able to access. He gets the comfy seat, the nicer food and all the perks. In the meantime, OP gets to watch the DC on her own in the airport, manage them by herself the entire plan journey, have the substandard seat/food/perks etc.

I would expect DH to acknowledge that although his medical condition requires him to take the better seat, the OP really is taking on a lot more of the burden and it's a little unfair. An honest conversation about cost and affordability is needed, but for me, DH's attitude would make a big difference. An entitled attitude with an assumption that no one else should be able to fly business class and that OP should just suck up everything would make me far less amenable to flying economy with the DC on my own. Conversely, a DH who was grateful for me taking on more of the shit during travel and could see my point of view - even if ultimately we couldn't afford it - would mean I would be far more likely to agree.

People will disabilities can be selfish arses too - there may be a medical need but it doesn't stop DH from being considerate or appreciating what he's asking the OP to do. And I say this myself as a personal with a genetic, life-long disability.

Agree with all this

Goodgrief82 · 08/01/2023 07:22

This issue aside, what is your relationship like?

because my spidey senses tells me that an exchange like the one you have outlined between one person with serious medical conditions and his partner is not going to be a particularly loving or healthy one.

added to which the issue somewhat hinges on your finances. If “saving up” for you and DS means a month of cutting back on a couple of fripperies… then no big deal. However if not means delaying booking for months or serious cut backs… then it puts a different slant on the issue

changeme4this · 08/01/2023 07:40

Business class is of varying quality depending on airline as well as ticket conditions. What you think you/he might be getting, isn’t always what you think it will be.

as he is so ‘sick’ he can stay at home and rest while you and DS go away instead…

Pipsquiggle · 08/01/2023 07:48

As others have said, if he needs more space you need to be looking at long haul as bc short haul has virtually the same seats.

It's all about cost, how long would it take you to save up for 3 bc seats vs 1?

Theredjellybean · 08/01/2023 07:50

Basically what @StalkedByASpider said..

My vibe from OP was her dh may not be so disabled to warrant the business class seat and she thinks he is being unreasonable.
MS has such a wide range of symptoms and severity of disability.
Fibromyalgia... definitely would not get a business class seat IMO.

Plus there are other holidays you could suggest if you felt flying was going to be difficult...cruise leaving from UK, train travel to Europe in short legs, drive to Europe again stopping whenever needed, UK holidays..... OPs dh could be offering all sorts of creative solutions not just demanding he gets the luxe flight while she has economy and childcare...

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/01/2023 08:03

Mrsmch123 · 07/01/2023 11:45

😂😂if one goes business class then we would all go. Not a chance would I be sat in economy while my husband was in business! Medical needs or not.

I agree. Not a chance I’d be in economy either.

QuitMoaning · 08/01/2023 08:05

Short-haul business is generally a huge waste of money - it's barely any different to economy.

But sometimes it is a very similar price. Last Summer I compared Ryan Air (with luggage and seat booking etc) against BC on BA and the BA flight was £4 pp more expensive.

HeadNorth · 08/01/2023 08:12

His response when you suggested you all fly business makes me think he sees it as all about him - it is not.
Will be a drag on holiday? I'd book extra leg room for him, but if he is saying he can't go on holiday unless he, alone, flies business, maybe he should stay home.

RampantIvy · 08/01/2023 08:19

PleaseBeHappy2023 · 07/01/2023 11:35

Is it long haul? Short haul business on BA doesn't give you extra leg room really. What about booking a emergency exit seat for extra leg room (unless he'd be unable to move quickly in the event of evacuation...)

He wouldn't be allowed to sit in a seat next to an emergency exit with his mobility issues. Emergency exit passengers have to be agile and reasonably fit in case they are requested to help with less able passengers exiting the plane in an emergency. This is why airlines don't usually allow under 16s in emergency exit seats.

However, there are extra legroom seats elsewhere in the plane. If you are travelling with budget airlines they won't have buusiness class, but they do have extra legroom seats. We usually fly with Jet2 and their extra legroom seats provide my 6'2" DH, who has extra long legs, with plenty of room.

Soapnutty · 08/01/2023 08:21

My parents did this for long haul flights. My mum has health problems so she flew business and my dad economy as they couldn’t afford two business flight tickets.

Judgyjudgy · 08/01/2023 08:32

Seems fair to all do it, but if you can't afford it then seems OK if it's just him. Alternatively can you just have more stops along the way?

harrassedmumto3 · 08/01/2023 08:34

If I was ill and desperate for a holiday, I wouldn't be impressed if the date was put back so that we could save up more money unnecessarily.
Even if this isn't the case, I think you're being a little bit unreasonable.
Hope you all have a great holiday though!

FfayeN · 08/01/2023 08:34

@KittiKati I looked into this for my mum. If DH is permanently in a wheelchair and can't walk Business class is a no no.
If you can then consider an avios/airmails card to get BOGOF business class seats.

StarsSand · 08/01/2023 08:37

YABU

You don't have the same need. Not everything should be 'equal' for it to be fair.