To give a cash reward to the twin who gets the best GCSE results?

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DS and DD are both in year 11 so have their GCSEs coming up shortly. Both are bright and of very similar if not identical academic ability and are predicted very similar grades.

Both are relatively hard working (although with a tendency to coast) but DH and I would really like them to knuckle down and push themselves to get the best grades possible.

We therefore came up with the idea of an effort-based reward scheme allowing them to earn treats for completing revision- e.g. 75 hours= a meal out, 150 hours= a night away etc.

However, both twins have suggested that instead, the twin who gets the best results should receive the whole cash reward. They are both competitive with each other and have said this would give them greater incentive to work harder.

My concern is that the twin who doesn't do as well will be doubly disappointed on results day as they will also get no reward. Should I go with the twins' suggestion?

@AreOttersJustWetCats

Personally I don't believe all competition is a bad thing- it can be a great motivator for some people.

Having said that, I do think this proposal went too far and that rewards for individuals grades will provide enough of a competitive element.

Absolutely no way. They may like the idea now, but in the thick of it would cause no end of unnecessary stress and upset. It sends an awful message too. I don't see why they should be pitted against anyone but themselves, think how they reflect on it later. Poor kids. This is their life, their education, not a race at the park - as parents you should know better

I'm a twin. Definitely don't do that.

You want to "encourage" but coasting is "not accepted".

They sound fairly mutually exclusive.

Do you, as an adult, try your hardest in everything you do? Most adults don't.

I would tell them that I would like them to help and encourage each other to work hard and do well as they are a team and siblings should be able to rely on each other for support and help (twins or no twins).

How about at the end of every week you have a feedback session with both of them thinking about how well they worked that week, what went well and what didnt. Then they and you can make suggestions on what they could try doing differently the next week and what they should keep on doing. After the session everyone gets a treat for operating in a supportive way. After a couple of the sessions, if they are working well, suggest the idea that if they both want an incentive to help spur them on, then it should be for both of them, if both of them achieve their goals. Then get them to set themselves and each other reward goals. So twin A wants to get x grade and twin b wants to get y grades. But they both think the other twin is reaching too high and will likely get slightly lower grades. Set a reward for them to share if they both get the lower grades, and then a bonus for both if one gets the higher grades and a bigger bonus for both if they both get the higher grades.

This way you are driving supportive behaviour between then and they will hopefully both be inspired to work hard.

but you must keep up the weekly meetings and then review the incentive scheme after a few months and ask them if they think it is helping or harming their motivation. You also want to learn how they can motivate themselves going forward, its a useful life skill

"They have the same genetics, so the one who doesn't do as well hasn't worked as hard."

If they are brother and sister twins they clearly don't have the same genetics!

They are same genetically as any full siblings.

Even identical twins don't have the same brain development (same genes do not mean same neurological function).

So if they eventually find a job that makes them happy, with a good work life balance, and want to just stay doing that job rather than working all the hours on earth in order to get promoted and get ahead of everyone else, that won't be accepted by you?

Poor kids. You seem to have lost sight of what actually matters in life.

This^^ absolutely.

The reward for hard work is the best results they are capable of, and they are the ones who benefit from good results.

Monetising effort or results doesn’t work, in any case. It makes kids greedy, not hardworking.

Fellow parent of twins here (and an older DD in Y11). I can just about imagine my twins suggesting something like this. But it's obviously a terrible idea!

I think it's a bad idea in terms of their relationship. Being a teenage twin strikes me as a difficult thing from observing my own twins, and encouraging them to define themselves in relation to the other doesn't seem healthy or helpful at all.

And it's a bad idea because it doesn't address the problem of their apparent lack of intrinsic motivation. If they're bright enough to gets 8s/9s anyway, I'd be inclined to let them find their own way with this, given that they'll get a decent set of GCSE results whatever. (I say this as someone who coasted through GCSEs and A Levels on ability, and then really struggled to organise and motivate myself at university.)

Y11 DD (who is on course for very good GCSE grades) asked if we would do a per grade monetary reward. Easy 'no' from me - she works pretty hard, but she finds academics easy. If my younger DS gets a 7 in English in a couple of years, that will be far more reward-worthy than her getting a 9. I'll be happy to get her/them some sort of post-GCSE treat, but it won't reward individual grades. I know lots of people do reward grades though, but it definitely shouldn't be in comparison to each other in my view.

If you do give rewards in exchange for hours studied make sure that there is a cap on it. Over studying and burning out is a real danger. Also, be careful about one of them claiming they have done lots of study and being rewarded more than the other who has actually put in more effort.

I’m sorry, what? What genetics? They’re no more similar than any other full siblings. This is a very daft post.

This reminds me of that quote from Glengarry Glen Ross ("first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.")

And just as toxic.

I agree with you OP.

I don't understand why some posters think rewarding a great achievement is a no-no. Look at Olympic runners, for example. Their reward for winning is the gold medal. That medal is won by tonnes of hard work and sacrifice and training.

Apply that to your children and you're right to reward input ie effort) and output (ie grades). I will do the same with my twins when the time comes 🙂

God absolutely awful what happens if they just go to pot in an exam after putting in lots of effort or if one just happens to have studied whats in the exam and one hasn't
Reward both for trying not the results

@Chickenly you've missed the point. They aren't on the same team . Each twin will sit their individual gcse . Ones success (or failure) has no bearing on the other's success (or failure).

If you want to compare to your firm think of it like a graduate programme assessment day. Everyone who meets the mark gets in. You are working hard individually and together on specific tasks to ensure YOU get the job.

Your example gives the impression of each twin sabotaging the other which isn't the case. You quoting me then giving your example is comparing apples and oranges.

I don’t know how the OP got to this stage thinking this is a good idea. Day One of being a twin parent is “treat them as individuals.” Hmmmmmm

I'd love to know what the OP thinks she's going to do if they decide 'coasting' is what they're going to do and what 'not accepted' would entail 🤣

When I was that age and doing likewise it entailed me giving the whole thing an almighty fuck off and leaving school at 16.

"Your besht, only losers whine about their besht. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

As a twin myself I would say it was an awful idea. Although you say it was their idea, pitting siblings against one another can only end in tears.

Horrible. Difference between 8 or 9 is often a hairsbreadth or luck.
No cash per grade for my dc last year and I don’t know anyone who did.

Completely agree. This thread has been a real eye-opener and explains why so many of the Year 11 kids I work with are either nervous wrecks or incredibly entitled.

Bumping my own post as I want you to see it.
And to add to it, from your further posts it sounds like if they’re predicted or capable of an A you expect them to get it. Again, it’s a very slippery slope to go down. And speaking from experience, my family were like that in that I had always got As and was therefore presumed and expected to get As. But that created a whole extra level of pressure- what if I don’t get the A? Everyone is going to be extra disappointed and annoyed because they expect me just to get it? What if I have an off day and do badly and don’t get the A?

I then developed a fear of doing well because I knew it set the bar higher. I continually got 100% in my mocks and it became sort of expected- so when I got 95% in one suddenly that was a bit like oh, only 95%? Because the bar gets set higher and higher each time. Can you imagine the inner turmoil of being a perfectionist and wanting to succeed more than anything, but also being scared to succeed because that meant the pressure was higher next time? And people would be disappointed if you didn’t get it just because they expected you to get it?

im not trying to go on and on and I’m not trying to scare you. But I left school a decade ago and I was not the only one like this from it. The pressure on teens is monumental- from society, family, each other, school. Do everything you can NOT to add to it

@AreOttersJustWetCats

No- as they will be adults at that stage. However, school exam results are, despite what some say, vitally important in terms of opening future doors and opportunities.

If one of the twins decides at a later stage that they want to do a non-academic career that makes them happy, that's totally fine with me. But I do want them to make sure that have as many options as possible by working as hard as they can at this stage.

Don't do it. If they are competitive they are going to compete against each other regardless of a reward at the end. Better to encourage them not to rub their successes in eachother's faces.

Observe whether they’re doing their work/ revision or not

Im not saying you reward one who did more than the other, just observe if they are giving it their best shot.

Or that’s what my parents (my Mum tbh) did.

I did well in my exams and would have cleaned up if they paid per result, and esp if they had paid for whichever of the three of us did best (albeit with a four year wait). However, although all three of us have good jobs, I am the least well paid (public sector) with the best A level results and brother who did least well is the best paid. So it’s not all about exam results!