To not let my kids have phones/iPads in their bedrooms?

[Sicilianchi]

We have blanket rule of no technology upstairs. Eldest child is 10 and now has phone.
I obviously have my reasons for this while they are still little. Child thinks Aibu of course.
Am I?

You're neither reasonable or unreasonable - your child, your choice.

No doubt this thread will turn into the usual mud slinging from parents who are pro/anti this sort of thing.

Either way, you're going to do what you're going to do.

We have this rule

This.

We allow them in bedrooms but use the screen time facility to restrict them to only certain apps at night (primarily audible as they listen to story books). Screen time turns off everything except allowed apps at 8pm, at 7:30 am they get access again.

We don't have a blanket no tech in the bedroom rule but they know nothing goes upstairs beyond a certain time in the evening. I'm quite strict about tech upstairs but not religious, if there's a good reason I'll allow it. Tbh they haven't reached an age where they have asked much yet.

I think under about 12yo it's fine not to allow anything upstairs. As they get older it's reviewable isn't it?

It depends.

You haven't said what your reasons are.

I never stopped them using their tech upstairs because it made no difference to them but it made a huge difference to me.

They're still little No child under say 13 should have unlimited unfettered access to the internet.

I have 3 girls, my youngest is 10 oldest 15. Youngest gets very limited access to tablet (no phone yet) and not upstairs. At 10 you need to know what they are doing online and they need to be where you are so you can keep an eye on it, you can't do that if they are in their rooms. They are too young to understand cyber safety imo.

Older girls have phones and do use them in their rooms but they switch off at 8.30pm. I did have a no technology in your room rule for the older two but with lockdowns and online homeschooling it went out the window and has proved hard to bring back.

Makes sense at that age, they're still young.

Mine weren't allowed phones etc in bedrooms at night until after GCSEs. It caused a lot of angst and I was tempted to give in on numerous occasions but I'm glad I stuck to it as I don't think they would have got the grades they did.

I do this for my 10yo dd. The only time she May have it in her bedroom is if she's video calling family. She knows no difference for now!
Aa she gets older I'm sure we'll modify what we're doing.

Presumably there will come a time where you accept they should be allowed "technology" in their rooms? For instance, if they're still living there in their 20s? If so you need to work out the criteria for when you will permit it, and inform them so they can work towards it - whether the criteria is age related or based on other things like them showing responsibility or maturity.

Do you ban all technology upstairs? "Technology" is "machinery and equipment developed from the application of scientific knowledge" so would include things like books, electric lighting or flushing toilets. Maybe you need to define the kinds of technology they may be allowed to earn. A basic television for instance is less of a risk than a laptop so it may be that you trust them with that sooner.

We had the same rule when DS was that age. He's 14 now so we've stopped. Worked for us.

How do you do this?> We use google family link and once it is set to downtime it won't let me turn any apps on.

As far as my reasons go, I was allowed a laptop in my bedroom as a teenager and was groomed online repeatedly. So that’s on my mind.
Also bullying, I can’t protect her from that if she’s holed up in her bedroom.
To be fair to her she isn’t that bothered about the rule herself, it’s more friends putting pressure on her to FaceTime in secret ect.
Shes just not ready for it yet in my opinion, and a long way off being able to manage these things without supervision and guidance.

Phones and iPads stay downstairs at all times here.

We have the same rule, although my children didn't get phones until they were 11 anyway. Everyone sleeps better.

Yes I plan to adjust as she grows up of course.
But probably not until she’s done her GCSEs

As another pp said, you're the parent so do what you think is right. You may want to rethink when they reach Secondary as the majority of homework is done online or will need online access, and it's easier for them at that age to do homework in their bedroom.

We don't limit tech to downstairs but like a PP said use down time / screen time. To be fair my two at almost 12 and 8 often put devices down earlier and choose to read or draw or something instead, so as long as they aren't tied to it I'm less worried

Yes I plan to adjust as she grows up of course. But probably not until she’s done her GCSEs.

I presume by this you mean no technology in her room overnight, not 24/7?

As far as my reasons go, I was allowed a laptop in my bedroom as a teenager and was groomed online repeatedly. So that’s on my mind.

Was that simply because you had your laptop upstairs or because you hadn't been taught about these things, and protected from them?

Also bullying, I can’t protect her from that if she’s holed up in her bedroom.

Unless you are reading their phone over their shoulder you have no idea what is being said. I think it's better to encourage open and honest conversations about these things rather then simply ban the use upstairs

You are talking about a 10 year old though so I assumed you were asking about watching movies and maybe playing games, not online use.

@User963 unfortunately I don’t think it works as well on android devices, which we also use.

Our DDs’ Samsung tablets just turn off at night then back on in the morning, I think only screen time on Apple devices allow you to permit certain apps at all times.

At the end of the day; your child, your decision.

However, as a teacher who obviously has dealt with safeguarding concerns that have stemmed from mobile phone/internet usage, I would say you are not being unreasonable.

Of course, children and teenagers need some degree of privacy but IN MY OPINION (based on some of the safeguarding cases I have seen) this should not be extended to the internet until they are much older. Even 14-16 year olds often fall foul of the internet and sometimes their actions can have lasting consequences. We always say to our pupils that if you wouldn’t show your grandma what you’re up to on your phone, then you shouldn’t be doing it. To me the easiest way of ensuring this is making internet usage something that happens in a public space in the home for as long as possible and even when you decide that they can have access
in their private spaces, it needs to be in the understanding that if you want to see their device, they show you immediately.

I know lots of people will disagree and say it’s an invasion of privacy, but to me safety is the priority and when I think of how many children in a school of 1500 have had some kind of problems stemming from phone and internet usage, it makes me realise who rife the problem is.

*how rife!

I also agree with @caravanbuckie
Conversations about grooming, bullying, coercive behaviour online, sending nudes are very important, more so than worrying about having an ipad upstairs sometimes.

I am really surprised to find so many people voted YABU. I think it’s a very important internet safety rule especially while your children are still so young! If they were 15-19, then it’s a bit different, but your oldest is only 10. It’s also very important for helping them to sleep well.