To insist DP sees a doctor about this

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

My DP has recently started doing a few things in the last 4/5 months that are seriously worrying me

The first is he genuinely forgets to flush the toilet. Probably happens once a week/fortnight. I think it’s disgusting and admittedly completely lost my rag at him yesterday but I think my point stands, if your short term memory is so bad that you can sit having a crap and genuinely not remember to flush then that’s not normal and you need to see someone

In the last 3 or so months he’s got really crap at driving, we are talking like, stopping at green lights, driving through red lights (the worst being those temporary ones which aren’t normally there he’ll literally ignore), when it’s busy his driving has become atrocious and he makes so many stupid mistakes at give ways and roundabouts etc. This is very recent. Always used to be fine at driving.

Finally again in the last 3/4 months has become like insanely obsessed with the humidity levels in the house, gets annoyed and upset that I won’t let him run two large dehumidifiers 24/7 as I’m not willing to have a permanent headache and bad sleep for his obsession. I am aware that we have an old house and this can be an issue, we run them for hours a day, and heat and ventilate appropriately as it is! He has spent probably hundreds on various humidity monitors in the last few months paranoid that the ones he’s got previously won’t be accurate and if we have several in each room(!!!) we can take an average. Hell get up in the middle of the night to check the whole house, it’s taken over his life. Again this is not him. He cares about the maintenance of the house but this obsession is insane.

He’s only in his mid 30s but this is all strange and not like him at all. I’m essentially insisting he sees a doctor as it’s not normal and he’s quite resistant

He needs to see a GP and get a brain scan to rule out a tumour.

Initially, it sounded like he was texting someone on the toilet which is why he forgot to flush. It’s not so much there have been a number of changes (because we all change when we age and make stupid decisions when we are tired) - it’s the personality change that’s the big one.

Yeah I agree he should see a doctor. The problem is, you can't make him. I hope he listens to you though because it sounds like something is up.

Is he on any medication?

How old is he ?
Any chance he’s on drugs ?

Depression can make you forgetful and inattentive. Could he be depressed?

I agree that he needs to see the doctor.

Mid 30s and no, definitely not. No medication either.
He’s stressed at work but often is, this is all new

See a doc for sure

Yeah something is wrong, I wouldn't be getting in a car with him I know that much.

He does acknowledge he is worried about his driving and is going to get his eyes tested but I think there is more to it than that. I’m seriously worried he will have a nasty crash

And hurt others

He should stop driving, sounds like he is a danger to himself and others.

Definitely go to the GP to get this checked out. If it is a tumour it could be benign but growing, it’s going to be much better to find it sooner rather than later.

Actually getting his eyes tested is a damned good start as they can pick up stuff behind the eyes. I'd go with him me.

He should see a doctor and absolutely should not be driving . Hope he’s ok

This could be so many things, if he will agree to eye tests maybe talk about blood tests and a blood pressure check being a good idea? (Rather than “see the doctor” which seems to frighten him). But agree it sounds like you should refuse to get in the car, maybe that will make him realise he has to do something

My first thought is work stress - quite often if you feel out of control you can focus on minutae details you can control (ie, the humidity of the house)
Also becoming forgetful and going into autopilot - quite literally regarding the driving thing - can be another sign.
I'd definitely speak to the GP and see what they see. Maybe keep a "diary" so you've got lots of evidence when you speak to the Gp.

Def he should see a doctor. I was going to ask about medication too but I see he isn't on any. I went cold turkey from antidepressants because I realised I was making unsafe decisions while driving! Stress affected my concentration and decision-making really badly too. Just trying to say it may well be MH rather than a tumor. He needs to see a doctor and not drive until his focus improves.

Hate to admit this but my ex DP did the toilet flushing thing after I had our son. Claimed it was due to exhaustion/depression but would never forget to flush when we were out of the house or when he was at work.

Lost my rag many times. Of course it got better once we split..

As for the driving that is terribly dangerous for others not just him. I would absolutely insist he see a doctor and give an ultimatum if he refuses purely on the basis he could kill someone with dangerous driving.

The humidity thing... I also live with a humidity obsessed nut. I have no solution but sympathies. Maybe it's something in the air at the moment (ba dum tshhh).

I agree with others - he should see a doctor.

While there are so many things that could be causing this behaviour, he needs to address this quickly to rule out anything nasty which would be more treatable the earlier it's caught.

Maybe show him this thread OP? It's not an overreaction on his part to seek advice from a GP regarding these symptoms, if they're out of character and all started around the same time period, it does sound like there's something going on that needs investigating.

Trying to phrase this tactfully and failing but yes doctors and be prepared to push hard if you don’t believe it is a Mental Health issue. My late partner had similar (but not the same) personality changes and it was unfortunately very bad news. What he had was rare and it is extremely unlikely to be the same for you but I’d certainly want it checked out. Do you think your husband is getting worse as the months have gone on?

You can't make him see a GP, but you can ask him if he'll do it for you to hopefully put your mind at ease. If the GP does have any concerns, better to know sooner rather than later as often things are easier to treat in the early days.

The driving is getting progressively worse, and he agrees. He’s also agreed to get the train to work as of next week when the strikes are off as he accepts that it’s just not safe.
There is a strong family history of glaucoma so he is going to get that investigated so hopefully that will be a bit of a gateway to further investigation

He really, really needs to stop driving. It’s awful that he’s acknowledged his driving is dangerous but still gets behind the wheel.

It sounds like SAD tbh. Boost him with vitamin d, b, magnesium etc.

It sounds like a good bit more than SAD.

If you say so doc