To insist DP sees a doctor about this

[Lastqueenofscotland2]

My DP has recently started doing a few things in the last 4/5 months that are seriously worrying me

The first is he genuinely forgets to flush the toilet. Probably happens once a week/fortnight. I think it’s disgusting and admittedly completely lost my rag at him yesterday but I think my point stands, if your short term memory is so bad that you can sit having a crap and genuinely not remember to flush then that’s not normal and you need to see someone

In the last 3 or so months he’s got really crap at driving, we are talking like, stopping at green lights, driving through red lights (the worst being those temporary ones which aren’t normally there he’ll literally ignore), when it’s busy his driving has become atrocious and he makes so many stupid mistakes at give ways and roundabouts etc. This is very recent. Always used to be fine at driving.

Finally again in the last 3/4 months has become like insanely obsessed with the humidity levels in the house, gets annoyed and upset that I won’t let him run two large dehumidifiers 24/7 as I’m not willing to have a permanent headache and bad sleep for his obsession. I am aware that we have an old house and this can be an issue, we run them for hours a day, and heat and ventilate appropriately as it is! He has spent probably hundreds on various humidity monitors in the last few months paranoid that the ones he’s got previously won’t be accurate and if we have several in each room(!!!) we can take an average. Hell get up in the middle of the night to check the whole house, it’s taken over his life. Again this is not him. He cares about the maintenance of the house but this obsession is insane.

He’s only in his mid 30s but this is all strange and not like him at all. I’m essentially insisting he sees a doctor as it’s not normal and he’s quite resistant

I hate to say this, but someone I know their driving was a first sign something was wrong. It was a brain tumour.

When DH's memory started to go, and because he has already had a brush with cancer, the GP sent him for a brain scan suspecting a tumour, only to discover that he had had a silent stroke.

I'd agree that there's enough in there to warrant further investigation so a visit to the doctor would be in order. However, if he's resistant, start with an eye test as soon as you can arrange one. Not because there's going to be anything wrong with his eyes, but during the eye examination, the optometrist will look at the optic disc with a fundoscope +/- slit lamp +/- take retinal images (if you can afford them, they're a good idea), and this gives an indication of raised intracranial pressure which can be caused by a number of things including tumours. Once they note this, they would refer you urgently anyway or any existing referral could be upgraded.

And before @GentlyBen chimes in to say "if you say so doc", yes, I am a doctor.

Yes he definitely needs a checkup urgently. I'd also suggest getting this thyroid levels checked in case he is going hyper.

Another one that says he should see his GP. It sounds quite worrying all together.

GP, urgent appointment. Make notes and attend the appointment with him.

I agree with starting with an eye test. And whoever said it sounds like SAD, I have that quite severely, and still manage to flush the toilet when I have a shit, plus stop at red lights. Those are not symptoms of SAD.

Any reason why you felt the need to call me out? The other person isn’t a doctor and their entire contribution was to tell me my suggestion is definitely wrong with no basis for thinking so. I haven’t made any response to anyone who didn’t decide to be an arsehole to me first so I’m not sure why you thought it necessary to be nasty.

If you can persuade him to see a doctor, you need to write to the doctor detailing everything that is worrying you in advance of the appointment - otherwise there is an obvious danger that your husband will minimise his symptoms.

It could be stress/anxiety causing it. My DH gets very forgetful when he’s stressed, he even got lost once in the city he’s lived in all his life, it really shook him up that he did something so silly.

@GentlyBen because your suggestion is definitely wrong, you don't have to be a doctor to see it and they weren't really rude, whereas you were rude and sarcastic in return. Easy way to stop being called out for being rude: don't be rude.

Of course they were rude. And everything listed by OP is a symptom of SAD (insomnia, lack of concentration, stress and anxiety, etc), as is the onset of symptoms (over winter). DH has SAD and does exactly the same - I have two humidity monitors in the room I’m in right now. You were smug and didn’t think I’d come back to you on it. Practice what you preach and stop being rude.

Given you're not a doctor either, you're not qualified to comment on the symptoms listed in the OP. Not everything in there is related to SAD, hence, those of us qualified to comment have suggested to the OP a sensible course of action to take, which involves seeking professional advice asap. SAD might be the only thing you know about, but you have no idea about the stuff you don't know about. The answer to every vaguely similar collection of symptoms isn't SAD.

This is potentially a very worrying situation for the OP. As you seem to have nothing constructive to add, I'd suggest you stop trolling me and ruining the thread.

I don't have glaucoma but I have a limited visual field in my side vision which is very similar to what happens with glaucoma. I do drive and I am legal to drive. (I have very regular appointments with an eye specialist to make sure of that.) Problems arise with checking our side vision. I am insanely careful about checking mirrors and craning round to check. The thing is we don't stop at green lights or go through red lights. I'm not saying he doesn't have eye problems but this doesn't sound like somebody with undiagnosed glaucoma unless it was very advanced. I mean he presumably can move about without bumping into things and is able to read, write etc.

Your dp is only in his thirties and realises his driving is deteriorating but refuses to go to the doctor. He is being an ostrich because he is scared of what he is might find out. He'd rather muck around thinking he needs glasses. Whatever it is is not going to get better by being left undiagnosed. I would have a serious talk to him and insist that he goes to the doctor - I would accompany him to make sure he doesn't downplay his symptoms. I understand why he is scared and hope it is something treatable.

There is definitely something wrong here that needs investigating. The fact that he recognises that something is amiss with his driving is very positive and the first step on the road to getting a diagnosis.

My late OH had Parkinsons, and I went and spoke to his GP (also mine) about it. I knew the GP could not break confidentiality and did not expect him to say anything, but I also felt happier that he knew the true extent of the symptoms.

I endorse the suggestion of writing to the GP, as then you can be sure that however much your OH might minimise the situation in a face-to-face consultation (good luck with getting one of those!) the GP will be in possession of the full facts.

Please do not get in a car with him nor allow your children (if you have them) to do so. So much better if he did not drive at all till this is sorted out.

I am sorry you are going through this and hope that there will be a resolution soon. I fully understand how it feels to have an OH who changes and you do not know why.

Could be something dreadful like a tumour but equally could be depression or stress. It’s not uncommon for people with depression to fixate on something because it’s something for them to be in control of when everything else feels uncontrollable. Either way, he does need to ask a doctor.

He's an adult. He can boost himself.

And it's not SAD. 🙄

For starters, I'd be hiding his car keys.

No one here can diagnose him without an blood test, eye test, possibly a brain scan and a comprehensive discussion as to his mental health. But I too, would urge him to see a doctor. And to stop driving for the moment.

You both must be so concerned, I would be. It is very hard when the "ill" person only half acknowledges that something is wrong, but I guess that is denial and not unusual in itself.

My concern would be early onset dementia. I am sorry to put that down in words, but your post looked for comments. It might not be of course, nor might it be a tumour or anything serious either. He won't know until it is investigated.

I wish you both well, and at least he is having the eyes checked. That can show more than just vision issues. I agree with pps that you should accompany him to make sure he reveals all the symptoms you have seen yourself.

Gosh, that does sound very worrying.

It's good that he's acknowledged his driving has deteriorated. This might give you the perfect angle to get him to the doctors.

"You shouldn't be losing the ability to drive at your age. I'm really worried about you - can you go to the doctor for me? I don't want to lose you."

There are various things that it could be for him to be affected like he has (diabetes for one - Link - Diabetes and Irrational Behaviour).

Definitely keep pushing him to go.

ZOMBIE THREAD
I wondered if OP could update, did you ever get a resolution to the issues?