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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think I’ve just been banned from mumsnet

70 replies

Letsallgototherapyagain · 05/01/2023 23:12

I recently wrote a post sharing my experiences of being hit by an au pair when I was a child.

I got an email notification saying someone had added a reply to the thread but when I clicked on the link to see my thread, I was shocked and confused to find that it had been deleted for breaking talk guidelines.

I also noticed that I was no longer logged in. It says my account has been deactivated.

I NC for the first time when I wrote that recent post but I’ve been here for years.

I’m really shocked and feel really upset about it actually.

I have no emails from mumsnet explaining what’s happened or why this has happened.

When I tried to sign up again it came up with an error message stating that no new registrations are being accepted!

I wondered if this was personal to me (I.e my email has been banned from being registered) and I think that’s the case because when I attempted to register with my Apple ID and chose not to share my email, it let me sign up and I created this account.

I have emailed Mumsnet and asked them what’s going on.

I will also report this post in the hopes of getting the attention of a moderator so they can help me.

Has anyone ever had this happen to them? It’s a really horrible experience.

Does anyone remember my post? If so, have you any idea at why it got deleted?

OP posts:
Intrepidescape · 06/01/2023 08:36

@Letsallgototherapyagain - it’s not rare to get banned. People get triggered by many things. I err on the side of caution with anything child related though. It’s not uncommon for predators to solicit stories from parents on Internet forums. I found that when I was banned the ban extended to all of my devices & I couldn’t create a new account.

Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 08:44

SoupDragon · 06/01/2023 07:51

Most likely it was just a mistake.

did you just name change or did you set up a new account?

Yes, I just name changed- it wasn’t a new account (and I stated that I’d changed my name).

I don’t have access to my original account now but I’m confident I haven’t broken any rules because I have never done any of the things suggested (like ousting on the same thread with different names etc). Also, I know who I am and that I haven’t done anything malicious or dodgy.

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 06/01/2023 08:50

Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 08:44

Yes, I just name changed- it wasn’t a new account (and I stated that I’d changed my name).

I don’t have access to my original account now but I’m confident I haven’t broken any rules because I have never done any of the things suggested (like ousting on the same thread with different names etc). Also, I know who I am and that I haven’t done anything malicious or dodgy.

I wouldn’t see it as you doing anything malicious or dodgy. It’s MN users who are suspicious about everything or simply don’t like the thread that are the problem. They are given too much weight by MN.

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 06/01/2023 08:52

i really didn’t find the post graphic at all. I’ve read way more triggering and upsetting things on here (not minimising your post op). Thanks for sharing it op. MN is the only place I’ve ever really found my tribe even though I don’t actually know anyone on here (in real life or in the site!).

Tessisme · 06/01/2023 08:53

While your post was describing very unpleasant experiences that happened to you growing up @Letsallgototherapyagain, I genuinely didn't think that it was unnecessarily graphic. It never even crossed my mind. But that's just my personal opinion and others, with different experiences to me, might feel differently.

I really do empathise with you, as I'd be the same if it happened to me - mulling it over and getting stressed about what on earth I had said to offend someone.

UnknownElement · 06/01/2023 08:58

I make a point of not posting some of the stuff in my life even though I would like to becuse some of it does sound very far from regular and I just know I would be accused of exaggerating. For what it’s worth op I do believe you, I was abused as a child and can understand why this has upset you so much. It’s so very hard to admit to abuse and to finally have the courage to do so and then be shut down, I’m very sorry that you are feeling upset.

DawnMumsnet · 06/01/2023 09:51

Hi @Letsallgototherapyagain

We're really sorry for any stress this has caused. We've emailed you about this by now but just wanted to post here as well to explain what happened.

It looks like your original thread was taken down late last night following a number of reports about it as there were concerns about the graphic nature of the opening post. Our system had also flagged possible links with previously banned posters so we needed to check those out.

Now we've had a chance to look into things we can see that you're a very long-term member of the site and we've reinstated your original account.

We hope you can understand why we have to err on the side of caution in cases like this - unfortunately we've had a number of trolls on the site of late so please forgive us for being overly cautious.

If you'd like us to reinstate your thread we're happy to do so, but think perhaps AIBU isn't the right topic for it - we'd suggest moving it to either our 30 days only topic or our Chat one, both of which are a bit more sensitive than AIBU.

Sorry again for any stress caused.

TerryIsAllGold · 06/01/2023 09:56

I think it’s a bug in the email notification. You’ve just reminded me I had this over Christmas. Clicked the link in the email and I was logged out and it wouldn’t take my password. I just went into MN from the browser directly like I normally do and went via threads I’m on and got in no problems. At the time I didn’t think too much of it other but I wonder if the same thing has happened to you.

Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 09:58

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 06/01/2023 08:52

i really didn’t find the post graphic at all. I’ve read way more triggering and upsetting things on here (not minimising your post op). Thanks for sharing it op. MN is the only place I’ve ever really found my tribe even though I don’t actually know anyone on here (in real life or in the site!).

Thank you. And I feel the same about ‘finding my tribe’… I hadn’t even really realised that until it was taken away. Hopefully MNHQ will come and help sort it out soon.

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 06/01/2023 10:00

Letsallgototherapyagain · 05/01/2023 23:43

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I’m sorry to hear about other similar deletion experiences.

it’s really odd, but as has been suggested, I’m hoping it’s just a mistake.

In other news, I just opened the fridge and one of those blue solid brick ice block things just flew out and landed on my big toe. I honestly cannot describe the pain! I’m hobbling off to bed now (I was meant to be getting an early night!)

Here’s hoping this post is still here when I wake up.

Thank you all so much for your kind words.

That made me laff sorry! 😂 I don't even know you or what you look like, and yet I'm in envisioning you, hopping about on one foot in the kitchen after being attacked by an ice block. They are hard and heavy when they attack you! Got my ankle and foot once or twice in the past!

Anyway, sorry, Flowers I hope it feels better today. (Your toe.) I hope you get this issue sorted. From what you said. I would imagine it's quite possibly an admin error. As a few posters said, just email Mumsnet at... [email protected]. Good luck.

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/01/2023 10:01

Cross post. @Letsallgototherapyagain mumsnet have just responded to you!

Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 11:36

DawnMumsnet · 06/01/2023 09:51

Hi @Letsallgototherapyagain

We're really sorry for any stress this has caused. We've emailed you about this by now but just wanted to post here as well to explain what happened.

It looks like your original thread was taken down late last night following a number of reports about it as there were concerns about the graphic nature of the opening post. Our system had also flagged possible links with previously banned posters so we needed to check those out.

Now we've had a chance to look into things we can see that you're a very long-term member of the site and we've reinstated your original account.

We hope you can understand why we have to err on the side of caution in cases like this - unfortunately we've had a number of trolls on the site of late so please forgive us for being overly cautious.

If you'd like us to reinstate your thread we're happy to do so, but think perhaps AIBU isn't the right topic for it - we'd suggest moving it to either our 30 days only topic or our Chat one, both of which are a bit more sensitive than AIBU.

Sorry again for any stress caused.

Thank you so much. That’s a relief. I’ll go and check my inbox now.

All in all, it’s actually been a good learning experience. And I do appreciate why things have to be investigated.

I rarely assume other people are trolls, unless it’s obvious. But what is obvious? It’s completely subjective.

If you thought I was a troll or you are someone who is immediately suspicious of posts like mine and jump to conclusions, I understand that a degree of suspicion is wise- this is an anonymous online forum.

If it runs deeper, and you often assume the worst of people and don’t easily trust others, even in real life... Then I imagine you have good reasons and I am sorry you experience the world this way.

We see the same threads and comments yet we each have completely different reactions and make completely different assumptions (that’s one of the things I value about mumsnet)…

I imagine those assumptions are largely based on our previous experiences.

It makes sense that those of us with less trauma are generally more optimistic about other people’s intentions and find it easier to trust. And those with more trauma are more aware of potential danger. It’s self preservation and it’s understandable.

If that’s you, then I respect your suspicion and I recognise you carry a burden you never asked for and didn’t deserve.

When I realised my post had been reported by someone, resulting in a ban, I felt angry.

If it was you, I want to say:

Even though you were wrong about me, you weren’t wrong to feel that way about the risk. I’m sure you have your reasons and the way you responded may serve to protect and safeguard vulnerable people in other contexts.

I just hope you have plenty of trusting and happy interactions alongside that. I wish you well.

As a society our anger should be directed at those who make others feel unsafe, not those who have been hurt and feel less able to trust as a result.

@DawnMumsnet, part of feeling safe and free to trust others is knowing that the people in charge are acting fairly. I don’t dispute anything that’s been done but I would have felt a whole lot better if someone had communicated with me- just a simple acknowledgment by email would make a world of difference.

To everyone who reserved judgement or simply responded with kindness, whilst waiting for confirmation- thank you. This is a relatively trivial matter, but it truly meant a lot to me.

Even I was starting to wonder what on earth Mumsnet were going to say! Like when you walk out of a shop, through the scanner thing and panic about them going off even though you KNOW you haven’t stolen anything.

I’m glad to be back.

OP posts:
Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 11:53

PurpleButterflyWings · 06/01/2023 10:00

That made me laff sorry! 😂 I don't even know you or what you look like, and yet I'm in envisioning you, hopping about on one foot in the kitchen after being attacked by an ice block. They are hard and heavy when they attack you! Got my ankle and foot once or twice in the past!

Anyway, sorry, Flowers I hope it feels better today. (Your toe.) I hope you get this issue sorted. From what you said. I would imagine it's quite possibly an admin error. As a few posters said, just email Mumsnet at... [email protected]. Good luck.

Thank you 🙏 it’s much better… very bruised but the pain is much better. it was actually very comical, there was a lot of hopping about on one foot 😂

Mumsnet are now deleting this new account for me and reactivating my old one.

Wishing everyone a happy new year, hope this one is full of good things and a chance to make lots of happy memories.

OP posts:
DevolvedHexagon · 06/01/2023 13:16

@Letsallgototherapyagain what a magnanimous, generous response to an upsetting and confusing situation. We could all learn a lot from your thoughtful approach!

BradfordGirl · 06/01/2023 13:23

They seem to ban based on the number of reports. So if you have a different opinion from lots of others, you have a high chance of being banned. Or if you have had a difficult life you get reported lots by those who have had an easy life and don't believe you. I have also seen people disappear, presumably banned, for consistently challenging racism.
What they seem to want is far more trivial posts about shoes on or off in houses or parking threads. Just general chit chat.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 06/01/2023 15:08

Letsallgototherapyagain · 06/01/2023 11:36

Thank you so much. That’s a relief. I’ll go and check my inbox now.

All in all, it’s actually been a good learning experience. And I do appreciate why things have to be investigated.

I rarely assume other people are trolls, unless it’s obvious. But what is obvious? It’s completely subjective.

If you thought I was a troll or you are someone who is immediately suspicious of posts like mine and jump to conclusions, I understand that a degree of suspicion is wise- this is an anonymous online forum.

If it runs deeper, and you often assume the worst of people and don’t easily trust others, even in real life... Then I imagine you have good reasons and I am sorry you experience the world this way.

We see the same threads and comments yet we each have completely different reactions and make completely different assumptions (that’s one of the things I value about mumsnet)…

I imagine those assumptions are largely based on our previous experiences.

It makes sense that those of us with less trauma are generally more optimistic about other people’s intentions and find it easier to trust. And those with more trauma are more aware of potential danger. It’s self preservation and it’s understandable.

If that’s you, then I respect your suspicion and I recognise you carry a burden you never asked for and didn’t deserve.

When I realised my post had been reported by someone, resulting in a ban, I felt angry.

If it was you, I want to say:

Even though you were wrong about me, you weren’t wrong to feel that way about the risk. I’m sure you have your reasons and the way you responded may serve to protect and safeguard vulnerable people in other contexts.

I just hope you have plenty of trusting and happy interactions alongside that. I wish you well.

As a society our anger should be directed at those who make others feel unsafe, not those who have been hurt and feel less able to trust as a result.

@DawnMumsnet, part of feeling safe and free to trust others is knowing that the people in charge are acting fairly. I don’t dispute anything that’s been done but I would have felt a whole lot better if someone had communicated with me- just a simple acknowledgment by email would make a world of difference.

To everyone who reserved judgement or simply responded with kindness, whilst waiting for confirmation- thank you. This is a relatively trivial matter, but it truly meant a lot to me.

Even I was starting to wonder what on earth Mumsnet were going to say! Like when you walk out of a shop, through the scanner thing and panic about them going off even though you KNOW you haven’t stolen anything.

I’m glad to be back.

The person who reported your original thread posted here explaining why. It was concern about the types who may be attracted to the details you shared. No malice toward you.
i have read about this. I gather trolls engage to elicit more details/emotions etc as a way to get off and/or to then turn around and be cruel to the OP and others who co-share. That's my assumption based on some of the nasty comments I've seen elsewhere.

cavalier · 06/06/2023 15:32

Me too🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m really upset have lots of friends on there .. I’ve appealed to them
to let me back but no show as yet ..
so humiliating

Oblomov23 · 07/06/2023 20:46

I find that when these things happen MNHQ are really really slow to respond. It's poor.

Naturevalley1 · 12/09/2023 11:39

Glitteratitar · 06/01/2023 00:43

I was declared a “previously banned poster” even though I’d never been banned before

I had that too. That’s also why I don’t believe all trolls are actually trolls.

I literally just had this too, emailed and have had no explanation.

They stated I had been previously banned which was completely untrue as that was my first account.

Really bad management. I reported my own post as was receiving nasty, bullyish comments that were upsetting.

michalwave · 12/09/2023 12:01

Don’t worry about it OP. Being banned and then reinstated on MN is a rite of passage!

It will grow hairs on your chest!

I’ve had to write many a grovelling emails to MNHQ 😂

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