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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask which parent was being unreasonable?

30 replies

Zoeyclash · 05/01/2023 23:00

This is the scenario..... Parent A was preparing dinner for the family (homemade pizza with various toppings which everyone likes.) Thirteen-year-old son enters the kitchen and complains that he doesn't want pizza, he wants something else instead. Parent A explains that pizza is that evening's dinner for everyone and no, he can't have something different instead. (He likes this pizza, so it's not an issue with having to eat a dinner he doesn't like.) Parent B enters the room and hears the tail end of the conversation. Parent B says to son that he doesn't have to eat the pizza if he doesn't want and he can get something else instead.
Which parent do you think was unreasonable?
YA NOT BU - Parent A
YABU - Parent B

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 05/01/2023 23:04

Parent B for undermining Parent A and for pandering to DC

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/01/2023 23:05

Parent B is unreasonable

angelikacpickles · 05/01/2023 23:06

Parent B was unreasonable, clearly.

AppleKatie · 05/01/2023 23:06

Parent B

MichelleScarn · 05/01/2023 23:06

How on earth could B think they were in the right?! Were they planning on making it for them as well?

MogTheForgetableCat · 05/01/2023 23:06

Of course parent B, unless they meant the child could get themselves toast/cereal or similar instead?

Kanaloa · 05/01/2023 23:07

I think B was wrong to undermine in front of the kids. However, I’m a big believer in not making battles out of food. If that had been one of mine I’d have said ‘have some of the sides then, or toast and fruit.’ Just because you like something doesn’t mean you always fancy it. So I would never have said what A said.

Wibbly1008 · 05/01/2023 23:07

Parent b of course

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 05/01/2023 23:08

Who's making the new dinner?

WandaWonder · 05/01/2023 23:09

I would say to parent b you make it then and clean up afterwards

NRCOA · 05/01/2023 23:09

Kanaloa · 05/01/2023 23:07

I think B was wrong to undermine in front of the kids. However, I’m a big believer in not making battles out of food. If that had been one of mine I’d have said ‘have some of the sides then, or toast and fruit.’ Just because you like something doesn’t mean you always fancy it. So I would never have said what A said.

I don't make battles, either.

They eat it or they don't; I don't give other options when I know that they like pizza.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 05/01/2023 23:09

If there are definitely no food issues and he likes the meal than parent B.

However 13 is old enough to get his own meal if he wants something different so would it really have been a big issue if he had?

But I grew up with controlling parents around food issues and with a niece (who currently lives with us remporarily) with ARFID so I am probably too laid back around letting people eat what they want!

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 05/01/2023 23:10

Kanaloa · 05/01/2023 23:07

I think B was wrong to undermine in front of the kids. However, I’m a big believer in not making battles out of food. If that had been one of mine I’d have said ‘have some of the sides then, or toast and fruit.’ Just because you like something doesn’t mean you always fancy it. So I would never have said what A said.

100% agree with that.

mynameislaetitia · 05/01/2023 23:11

Parent B is unreasonable for undermining parent A. But equally as parent A I wouldn't have minded DC eating a sandwich or whatever if they didn't want the pizza.

Ahwombimbam · 05/01/2023 23:11

Parent B shouldn’t have undermined parent A in front of the dc however if my 13 year old didn’t want what I had cooked then I don’t see the problem with letting them make what they want.

My teen DC probably only have what I make 2 or 3 times in a week and the rest of the days they make themselves dinner.

caravanbuckie · 05/01/2023 23:12

On the face of it parent B.

I would add that occasionally one of us will say something like parent A did, but it doesn't work for the youngest who is autistic and obsessive about food. It doesn't matter that she likes the pizza, if she had it in her head she is having something else, she is having something else. So the 'undermining' in this case would just be DH or I reminding each other that we got it wrong, which happens.

Context is key.

GentlyBen · 05/01/2023 23:12

Everyone is jumping on Parent B but it obviously depends what “tail end of the conversation” was heard. If they heard that the 13yo was unhappy with the food on offer but didn’t hear that Parent A said they had to have the pizza then they aren’t at all unreasonable to say the 13yo can make themselves something else.

Parent B is only unreasonable because of the conversation between Parent A and the 13yo but the OP (who is clearly Parent A) stated that they weren’t present for that conversation.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/01/2023 23:14

WandaWonder · 05/01/2023 23:09

I would say to parent b you make it then and clean up afterwards

Yes, parent A should have left the kitchen at that point and said OK, I'll leave it up to you.

Kanaloa · 05/01/2023 23:19

NRCOA · 05/01/2023 23:09

I don't make battles, either.

They eat it or they don't; I don't give other options when I know that they like pizza.

Show quote history

Personally I’d consider that making a battle. Creating conflict like ‘eat it or go hungry’ is not how I work. I simply point them to other foods they can prepare like a bowl of weetabix, toast, fruit. To me life is awkward enough without getting into conflict over food.

BattleofBeamfleot · 05/01/2023 23:20

My DH is parent B!

What on Earth was he doing round yours today? I could swear he told me he was going out to play squash...

(He’s got a terminally annoying case of Good Cop, it drives me up the wall. I wouldn't even need to be Bad Cop if he wasn't constantly undermining me and setting himself and the children up in opposition over stupid stuff like this!)

Itloggedmeoutagain · 05/01/2023 23:23

So if he can just make something else what happens to the pizza?

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 05/01/2023 23:25

Itloggedmeoutagain · 05/01/2023 23:23

So if he can just make something else what happens to the pizza?

Homemade pizza freezes, perfect for an emergency meal (I totally make extra pizza so when I'm the only one in I can have an easy meal!)

SadButTheTruth · 05/01/2023 23:26

What’s going on with voting?? Everyone is saying Parent B is unreasonable but the voting seems skewed the other way…?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/01/2023 23:26

I don't think it is clear cut.

Parent B shouldn't undermine parent A, but parent A shouldn't unilaterally announce a family rule that parent B doesn't agree with.

It could have been handled differently. I also wonder, if the DC likes pizza as much as parent A/op says, why they were hoping for something else? Is there any chance they were wrong about that?

Itloggedmeoutagain · 05/01/2023 23:30

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 05/01/2023 23:25

Homemade pizza freezes, perfect for an emergency meal (I totally make extra pizza so when I'm the only one in I can have an easy meal!)

Show quote history

Fair enough
But what if OP was cooking something that didn't freeze. The time to say I don't want that is before the cooking starts

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