Should I make eye contact? How to meet a guy at the Gym advice

Isabellye · 2023-01-05T22:17:47+00:00

Hi so basically am ready to date again. Its been a while. I won't do dating sites straight up..I have been on 1 once and it was awful. Its just not my thing. The most thing I enjoy doing and what I can do all day, every day when I've not got the DC is at my local leisure centre. But I'm a recluse :( AFter years of being in a controlling relationship tipped with emotional abuse & gaslighting I have mad anxiety even looking at men. I can't explain it, I think it's because my ex drilled it into me that all men just want to have sex & not to look etc. So, just wondering is it advisable/standard to just make eye contact with guys at the gym to show you're interested? How do I go about meeting someone there? FYI, the place I go to is very luxurious and exclusive - has an amazing space outside pool etc. So usually in the spa bit it can be a great opportunity to chat but I'd never make the first move. Then I get all worried if I see a guy I fancy the look of --what if he's in a relationship? OR if he's gay? Etc etc Has anyone met their SO in these circumstances? I actually find it really overwhelming but new year, want to really meet someone.. Thanks 😊

Identifyingasadolphin · 05/01/2023 22:24

The sauna, if there is one, is generally a great place to get chatting and meet lots of people on neutral ground.
The pool, less so as most people are engrossed doing solo laps and head down if that helps.
And stopping for a coffee after…

Original poster

Isabellye · 05/01/2023 22:30

Identifyingasadolphin · 05/01/2023 22:24

The sauna, if there is one, is generally a great place to get chatting and meet lots of people on neutral ground.
The pool, less so as most people are engrossed doing solo laps and head down if that helps.
And stopping for a coffee after…

Thanks
Yeah there is a sauna
Steam room
Hydropool
And outdoor spa..
I just don't know the etiquette do you just make eye contact?

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/01/2023 22:34

I think that things like Meet Up groups which focus specifically on socialising and meeting new people are better for trying to date. You’re all there with a desire to get to know new people, make friends, and possibly find a relationship, and you don’t have to worry about being inappropriate.

Honestly, there is nothing more cringingly obvious than a newbie at the gym who is clearly there to try to pull, especially if they’re looking around and trying to make eye contact and smile at people who are generally just there to get on with their workout. It’s so easy to clock and makes me roll my eyes. Most people will have their headphones in or be concentrating on their reps. Sure, perhaps hang out in the cafe to see who comes in and if you like the look of a man ask if you can buy him a coffee. But even then, it’s an awkward setting and you’re likely to be rejected because he’s married / gay / just not interested in you.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/01/2023 22:35

If you hang around in your bikini in the spa, sauna or the steam room making eyes at random men, they will think you are a prostitute touting for business and somebody who notices it will possibly get security to eject you. Do not do this.

Sparklesocks · 05/01/2023 22:37

I don’t think there’s any harm in eye contact and a smile but remember a lot of men will be there just to concentrate on their workout and might not be interested in chatting/meeting anyone even if they’re single/straight. Might be better to strike up conversation in the cafe bit if there is one, or in more social settings.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/01/2023 22:40

And if you think I’m just being negative: I have made a couple of friends and one FWB from the gym over the many years I’ve been a member of them. But it’s been through actually going to the gym to work out and, after we’ve passed each other on the floor several lunchtimes a week for several months and said hello, and had some gym chats about form and reps and routines, or I’ve asked them if they could do me a favour and spot me on my PB squat attempt, we’ve taken it from there and gone for a drink or something.

Suprima · 05/01/2023 22:42

You just look, hold eye contact for a second and smile

If they are interested or open to chatting, they will come to you

Original poster

Isabellye · 05/01/2023 23:08

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/01/2023 22:35

If you hang around in your bikini in the spa, sauna or the steam room making eyes at random men, they will think you are a prostitute touting for business and somebody who notices it will possibly get security to eject you. Do not do this.

Lol this made me laugh
I have noticed a lot of scantily clad women in the spa .they seem to just pluck convos up with men but no way I could do this..very shy and I feel socially awkward.

I mentioned the spa because usually you're sat in the sauna in silence..I wonder if you should make eye contact here to iniatie convo?

OP posts:

Original poster

Isabellye · 05/01/2023 23:10

Suprima · 05/01/2023 22:42

You just look, hold eye contact for a second and smile

If they are interested or open to chatting, they will come to you

So do I do this in the gym?
Or spa? I feel awkward doing it I'm afraid I'll look like a weirdo 😂😂 do women do this?

OP posts:

BestMammyEver · 05/01/2023 23:13

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BriteSparke · 05/01/2023 23:13

If a guy was asking for advice on how to pick up women at the gym he'd be told something along the lines of -
Make sure you have comfortable, supportive running shoes
Jog on
Keep jogging on
Don't hit on women at the gym

Original poster

Isabellye · 05/01/2023 23:25

I agree
That why I've posted because I have no idea how to meet someone in this day and age apart from join match.com or whatever
I see how hard it is for my friends and they've not been in a 20 year abusive relationship with dc.
So I just think I've got no hope.

I mean 20 years ago me and my ex met through uni.. its easy because you're young, you're constantly meeting people.
So I see it in a way as I'm at this place almost every day. And it's full of people socialising so aren't my chances higher meeting someone from there rather than let's say shopping in Asda?!

OP posts:

lap90 · 05/01/2023 23:26

You talk of the gym like its some dating club. Most people are there to just work out, relax in the spa or chill/work in the lounge.

I can't stand it myself when people start talking to me in the sauna and steam room when i'm just trying to relax and I say that as someone who has lots of friends in my club simply by us going to the same classes or working from the lounge.

DoNotGetADog · 05/01/2023 23:37

I would say go to classes/join groups at the gym rather than just trying to give someone the eye over the free weights! People are more chatty in those situations so you’re more likely to get to know someone a bit and realise if they are gay/married/single etc.
It wasn’t my intention in going, but I met my husband at the gym and we’ve been together for 20 years so it does happen!

dicker · 05/01/2023 23:51

the gym isn’t for picking up men

Testina · 06/01/2023 00:00

BriteSparke · 05/01/2023 23:13

If a guy was asking for advice on how to pick up women at the gym he'd be told something along the lines of -
Make sure you have comfortable, supportive running shoes
Jog on
Keep jogging on
Don't hit on women at the gym

Which is pretty much exactly what I was going to say to @Isabellye

Of course, some people meet people in all types of places. It could happen naturally. But you make the gym sound like a hunting ground, and really… people don’t go there to get hit on. I think it’s really unfair to do it. In a bar, fine - even if the person isn’t interested, it’s a social venue and it’ll feel like a different venue every time they go. But the gym is more of a personal space for people. It would put me off going if I got hit on there. If it happened more than once, I’d be half uncomfortable and half angry. Don’t do it.

Oher · 06/01/2023 00:09

Testina · 06/01/2023 00:00

Which is pretty much exactly what I was going to say to @Isabellye

Of course, some people meet people in all types of places. It could happen naturally. But you make the gym sound like a hunting ground, and really… people don’t go there to get hit on. I think it’s really unfair to do it. In a bar, fine - even if the person isn’t interested, it’s a social venue and it’ll feel like a different venue every time they go. But the gym is more of a personal space for people. It would put me off going if I got hit on there. If it happened more than once, I’d be half uncomfortable and half angry. Don’t do it.

Show quote history

This. No one wants to be chatted up while they’re sweaty and trying to work out.

OP I’d suggest you join some new activities where there is a lot of social interaction. For example if you became a medieval renactor I’m pretty sure you’d meet someone (assuming your interest in it was genuine). Amateur dramatics, or wildlife volunteer groups, or local walking clubs, or writing group - stuff where there is intended to be social interaction.

Meeting a partner is 90% luck, give yourself lots of opportunities to meet new people, but don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t work out.

Good luck!

RobertaFirmino · 06/01/2023 01:10

My advice would be to stop looking. Make friends with people of either sex instead. Accept all non romantic invitations. People have other friends, brothers, a single pal they are just dying to pair up, colleagues, club friends and so on.
Stick with the gym though, it's good for you and helps you look your best, therefore feeling more confident in yourself.

Mayameemamoe · 06/01/2023 01:29

The gym isn’t a place for picking people up.

gillyfrid · 06/01/2023 02:22

I don't have any experience of dating personally but I plan to at some point hence reading a lot of the dating threads.

I was told by friends, and have read, that if you don't want to use a dating app then places to meet men, in gym areas in this case, include joining the spin class, or Bikram yoga. I don't know how true this is, as I don't do those classes, so would be interested to hear.

LuckyStone · 06/01/2023 02:23

Omg all this negative Nancy talk on here.
I will keep on flirting at the gym, thankfully guys don't act as weird and prissy about it as some women seem to.

Summer2424 · 06/01/2023 02:53

Hi @Isabellye i totally hear you, i don't like apps either, one guy i met at a wedding and we started dating, another guy i met at a friend's get together. Keep doing what you're doing, do your workouts, dress nicely and smell good.
Sending you positive vibes x

Summer2424 · 06/01/2023 02:55

@LuckyStone well said👌😁

ForestDad · 06/01/2023 03:46

Doesn't sound like any other men have answered...

Of course if there's someone attractive at the gym that makes eye contact with you and one of you strikes up a convo this is a great way to meet someone. As if you can't smile and lift weights or run on a treadmill at the same time. Maybe have a quick chat and ask if they fancy joining you for a coffee after if it's going well. If they're gay they'll probably tell you, don't worry you're not going to offend someone.
Your biggest problem will be not making eye contact with too many guys! Especially if you start spending a lot of time in the sauna chatting away..

WandaWonder · 06/01/2023 04:12

People meet people in all sorts of places but I would saymore naturally

Some people meet at work, bus stops, cafes, helping someone pick up shopping that has fallen in the street, on the school run wherever

So if happen to naturally start a conversation in the cafe while waiting to be served fine or leaving to head to the carpark

I would find it forced if you tried to pick up someone in the actual gym