Should I make eye contact? How to meet a guy at the Gym advice

[Isabellye]

Hi so basically am ready to date again. Its been a while. I won't do dating sites straight up..I have been on 1 once and it was awful. Its just not my thing.

The most thing I enjoy doing and what I can do all day, every day when I've not got the DC is at my local leisure centre. But I'm a recluse :(
AFter years of being in a controlling relationship tipped with emotional abuse & gaslighting I have mad anxiety even looking at men. I can't explain it, I think it's because my ex drilled it into me that all men just want to have sex & not to look etc.

So, just wondering is it advisable/standard to just make eye contact with guys at the gym to show you're interested? How do I go about meeting someone there? FYI, the place I go to is very luxurious and exclusive - has an amazing space outside pool etc. So usually in the spa bit it can be a great opportunity to chat but I'd never make the first move.
Then I get all worried if I see a guy I fancy the look of --what if he's in a relationship? OR if he's gay? Etc etc

Has anyone met their SO in these circumstances? I actually find it really overwhelming but new year, want to really meet someone..
Thanks 😊

I'd be wary, I was hit on at the gym, a guy who I see regularly in my spin class asked if I fancied a coffee next time. I then didn't go to our classes for a fortnight as I was panicked, we had chatted briefly after class a few times and said hello in passing.

However, I'm only a year or so out of an abusive relationship, and not really ready yet. He did seem nice though.

Probably different for men, less intimidating.

How do you flirt in the gym?
This is the bit I'm struggling with. Feel so awkward

Have you done the Freedom program? If your previous relationship was abusive this would be a good place to start. Before dating.
Id probably join a dating agency. At least then you know the men you meet are looking for a relationship rather than anything casual.

The gym isn’t really a place to hook up, everyone is there to focus on themselves and usually to, you know, work out. I would have a go at online dating personally, you’ll have more success with that than staring at a random man at the gym hoping he falls in love with you.

Well, 12 people have told you

"you don't"

but I guess because 3 people have said "nevermind them, I disagree with them so that makes them wrong" go ahead...

I'd say just get used to chatting to people in general. About the heat in the sauna, the decor, the temp of the pool, anything relevant. Start with women to make you more comfortable and then build it up. You're overthinking it, and as a result you're going to come across awkward. If there's chemistry between you and future mr gym, it will kick off from a natural conversation. Good luck.

Are you genuinely asking?

Gosh no. I had one guy 'showing' me how to use a machine and it completely put me off going back. I don't think he was hitting on me because I looked a fat sweaty mess but still

"How do you flirt in the gym?
This is the bit I'm struggling with. Feel so awkward"

I would just try to strike up casual friendships with men and women, as a pp suggested. Join regular gym classes, but only if those appeal, where more men attend.

Weirdly and so coincidentally I was approached today by a guy whilst working out!! So much for wanting privacy.
Weird as didn't give any eye contact
He was a black guy from the USA so not my type at all..but it did give me a boost that it can happen and I just have to be very smiley and conversational

Here's hoping this will be a new start..looking forward to my gym sessions

Oh I do attend a few male orientated classes for those suggested. But everyone seems to get in, do it and then get out. Hoping I'll try walk out with one and try to spark up a convo!

Just out of interest is anyone a David Lloyd's member?

This is soooo cringe.

@Isabellye what’s your issue with dating black men?

I agree with this. There a many posts on this site and others about how much people dislike being hit on whilst at the gym.

It’s a bit of an odd way to try to meet people but generally jacuzzi, steam or sauna is where you do the most chatting to strangers (of either sex) because you are sitting together and it’s polite to exchange pleasantries.

I did date a bloke who I met in the steam room of Crieff hydro Victorian spa, we were both up from Edinburgh and we had a laugh together.

I was wondering the same. Why mention skin colour at all.

They are just not my type..nothing racist. I am non white as well.
I mentioned it because I found it highly bizarre after I started this thread that a guy randomly talked to me today at the gym but just saying he wasn't my type and I do find black men much more confident and ballsy in that way referring to how what other posters were saying about men not approaching women.

I will be at the spa tomorrow..I have been sat there in silence many times and no one says anything! So do I make the first move??

“I will be at the spa tomorrow..I have been sat there in silence many times and no one says anything! So do I make the first move??”

Please, just don’t.
Sure there are a minority of posters who think flirting at the gym is fine. But expect even some of them would think it’s fine if it naturally occurs, but not to treat the gym as a personal hunting ground.
You know if you keep hitting on men there, it’ll be really obvious?
So a guy who might have been interested will just think, “ugh, it’s her again - who’s she going to hit on this week?”

It’s also possible to be racist if you’re not white 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t think declaring black men as not your type is a good look. Nor generalising their personalities.

I have been asked out at the gym a number of times, and I didn't find it uncomfortable at all. It was for example when I was alternating sets with someone or chatting after class. I am not the flirting type myself and never speak to people first, but I don't see any harm if you are. Don't hit on people, just be friendly, say hi to people you regularly see, and chat to those that seem approachable (don't talk to people with airpods for example) and don't do ridiculous things like some girls in the gym do it to get attention - weird and wrong exercise to show how round their bum is for example.

I think crossfit is the best place to meet people though not regular gyms. I have been to crossfit a few times and it is a lot more social.