New boyfriend showed me girls he’s been taking to before we got together

[Zoddie]

I’ve been dating this man for 3 months, and we got together officially over the new year period. He’s been so respectful and consistent with contact, always arranging dates, speaking every night on the phone… it made such a nice change from the other relationships I’ve had where the guy is just interested in sex tbh.

Well after we had sex he was talking about how he has “no game” and I just was laughing along. He then showed me, completely out of the blue, suggestive messages he had sent to 2 other girls just after we’d started speaking.

Like I don’t blame him for speaking to other girls before we got together at all, but why the need to show me? And in bed just after we’d had sex? I feel so conflicted and I just think this is a red flag but I’m not sure why.

I didn’t know what to say so I just didn’t say anything. But it’s making me feel really uneasy. On the one hand, I’m happy that our relationship wasn’t initiated with provocative messages, but on the other hand it makes me feel like he’s lied when he’s told me he doesn’t value sex as the most important thing in a relationship. It also doesn’t align with what he’s said about not looking for anything for years, and him being very shy around sex.
aibu?

Dump. At best he's thick, at worst he's a sleaze and is giving himself air cover to lech after other women.

The fact he done this right after sex is so disrespectful.

I'd see it as he's now conquered you (sex) and just letting you know he's a great catch.

I'd walk away just for the disrespectful part.. what a dickhead he is.

I'm gonna go against the grain here. I don't necessarily think his behaviour is manipulative, just a bit weird. Yes, of course you could be past the live bombing stage and maybe he is intentionally nagging but personally I'd give him a chance to see what happens next. Maybe tell him how you thought it was odd and that it spoilt (not ruined) the moment for you. Don't make it a big talk, just bring it up and see what he says. I suspect he'll be surprised then apologetic once his error's been 'pointed out'

Wish I knew where I saw the debunking of hanlons razor, apparently it started off as a joke. Anyway just because someone clever once said itdoesn't mean it's true or universally applicable.

I’ve been in too many shit relationships to just ignore the first red flag tbh.

The mask has to slip at some point. This is absolutely a red flag. Pathetic and creepy as fuck.

Well now you know he has no discretion, loyalty or integrity and one day, he'll be bandying mocking stories and pictures of you to other girls, or his mates in the pub.

Have your friends met him? What do they think of him?

I think your friends will have a good gut instinct about him

I'd be inclined to give it a little bit longer, but anything else - run

No they haven’t met him. I’ve met his family and friends though.

I have told men I'm talking to other men, but that's usually in the first week, especially if they're seeming really keen when we haven't even met. But I'm not showing them each other's messages, because I hope they're not showing anyone my messages. I assume they're not showing them to others.

I have just had a conversation with one about whether I've told anyone about him. A couple of people know we're chatting, but not details. He did ask if he could share a pic of me with a friend. I couldn't have stopped him anyway, but he did ask first. He's also asked if I'd like to see pics before sending them. So I assume he would ask before sharing any conversation, which is just respecting everyone involved.

Having said that, if he said "I was talking to someone else and they said, [report of what they said]," it wouldn't seem as invasive, even though it's basically the same thing on a different medium.

Just read your OP again. I think he's proving to you how bad he is at chatting up women (no game) by showing you his naff messages and the fact he got no response. Its a thickster move more than a manipulative one I reckon, as who tries to show you've got competition by showing you that women aren't interested in him? His thickness is unattractive though. As are unsolicited sleezy messages to other women.

I see it as the opposite! I think he wanted to be absolutely truthful and honest with you. In case you ever found out he was messaging girls when you first got together. I think it’s a positive sign, he sees a future with you.