To stop breastfeeding cold turkey

[Newmama93]

Hi mums,

I still bf my 21.5 month old, he wakes me up 15/20 times a night to feed, screaming for hours on end if I say no, I give in and feed. I’m tired, I have stopped ovulating due to the constant night feeds and want another baby.

my husband was doing nights and my son slept so good, only feeding in the morning. He got sick and reverted straight back to wanting me all night and is feeding 5 times in the day, all naps, whenever he gets hurt or tired. I can’t do it anymore, it takes me an hour and a half to get him to sleep at he swaps sides and sucks and sucks then lays down then sits back up and sucks again.

my husband is off work and I ha e said I’m going to stay at my mums and get him to put DS to bed, my DH said I need to totally wean in the day as well or this won’t work and he’ll revert back soon (km going away with DS in 2 weeks where it’ll just be me ahh help)

some people are saying this is cruel to my son and I should wean slower at his pace,
but I’ve tried, it doesn’t work, he cries for hours until I give in. I’m tired, help

Thank you - it has become horrendous!

he’s the one making me do this, I’ve been holding onto it for some
strange reason, but I think I need to do it now.

thanks again

It’s easy for mums to feel guilty about things like this, but your husband is right that enough is enough. You’ve breastfed for longer than many people could cope with so you don’t need to feel any guilt at all for wanting to reclaim your body now.
Your husband just needs to really help you & your son over the next 2/3 days & nights which may be difficult. Probably easier for him to get up to your son in the night and try to coax him back to sleep than you because your son will see you and immediately think Milk 😂

I weaned both of mine cold turkey. First was just after her third birthday. I had cut down to just feeds when hurt and bedtime / morning but then I had DS and for the final 4 months I was tandem feeding both and she reverted to feeding like a newborn. I continued for the four months so that she wouldn't resent her brother but it was hard. So, in the end, I weaned her when she was used to having breast milk a lot.

I prepared her for stopping by saying that when she is three she needs to stop because it's just for babies and she's a big girl. We had a little party (made cupcakes together - yes they were decorated like boobs ) and she got a present to celebrate stopping. She picked a soft toy, so afterwards if she asked to feed I reminded her she was a big girl and that she got her toy and she would give that a cuddle.

I was also donating breast milk to the local milk bank and so I could remind her that the milk needed to go to the sick babies.

With DS, I weaned when he was 2. He was still feeding a few times in the day and a lot at night. My husband did bed times until he got used to it. I made sure that I wore tops that he couldn't pull up or down during the day and used distraction. I would give him a chocolate biscuit sometimes if he was really upset and I pointed out that babies can't eat chocolate biscuits but now he is a big boy he can eat nice things like that because he doesn't have breast milk. If I went to bed with him then I wore a sports bra so he couldn't access himself.

For me, I would wean after you have been away, as I would find it easier to get my little one to sleep with feeding. I think two weeks probably isn't long enough for him to get used to not having it. But, that might not be the right decision for you. What will you find easier?

I hope this helps.

P.s. my two don't seem traumatised at all. Good luck!

Not sure what the chocolate emoji is doing there!

Oh this is so tough. Firstly, well done for feeding for so long! I fed for a year and at times it felt impossible to stop. At 12 months my DD was only feeding in the night (5/6 times) and it seemed like the only way to get her to sleep. I realised we were both ready to stop when she was waking more regularly and making a habit she didn't need.

I set alarms to dream feed her (twice a night) and slowly reduce the amount of time I fed at each feed over 4 days until she was down to nil. I appreciate it sounds like this may not work for your DC.

It really sounds like you're at your wits end, please don't listen to people saying cold turkey is a traumatic way to end 21 months. It's abrupt given how much your child is feeding, and you will need to be careful with your breasts to avoid mastitis, but at this age it isn't all about baby when it comes to breastfeeding. YOU also need to be happy and get some routine back, that is also a priority. Perhaps think about using a hand pump occasionally to help with your supply when stopping? Sounds like you're still feeding an awful lot, so cold turkey would be quite difficult for your body.

I'm sorry that I don't have any real practical advice but I want you to know your feelings are valid and I do know the emotions of feeling so overwhelmed and like there is no escape.

Good luck.

You either have to stop altogether or accept your child will use your boob as a dummy which is what he is doing. He will be 2 years old soon. Waking 20 times a night can not be doing anybody any good least of all him. Everybody needs a good night sleep and everybody will be happier for it. I don't think you should get pregnant until this issue is resolved it would be bad for your health.

Wow thank you all so much! So grateful and I feel much more confident about it all.

thank you!

I stopped at 21 months. Cold turkey and it was the best thing I did. I’d tried to do it gradually but it just didn’t work for my DS. My friend who is a health visitor had recently stopped cold turkey too so it was good to have her to talk to. She told me to just do whatever to distract and warned me of a tough night but to stick with it. I let DS fell asleep watching lullabies on the iPad for the first week. He only woke up once through the night compared to the previous 20-odd! I was stunned. Then the second week I had to replace the iPad with going to bed better, so had to rock him for a week or so but now we just lay down on the bed and cuddle and he falls asleep.

I can’t stress how it changed so many things for us - the sleeping became 100% better. I wouldn’t keep doing it in the day if I were you, I think it’s easier to do a clean break.

My friend also told me to get a baby bottle and give him that with milk in as part of a distraction. I did but he wasn’t interested in it so scrapped that. DH can also put him down now but to get him used to not feeding I think like I needed to put him down to start off with but there’s no right answer there.

These recent messages have inspired me. I’m also going cold Turkey and going to cut myself some slack. I was feeling guilty about stopping but she’s had 3 years of it so she has been lucky. Good luck OP we can do this!

You’re amazing! 3 years! You’ve got this, I’m doing it too.

good luck to you and in a week or so I’m sure it’ll be well worth it x

Reading this got me thinking about how I weaned DD1 at about the same age because I'd got pregnant with DD2 and feeding her HURT. I'd managed to get her down to just a bedtime feed at about 18 months which gave me enough fertility to conceive, so you may not need to fully wean, but obviously I'm only one example.

I think I totally relied on words and explaining it was running out, nearly all gone, that kind of conversation. She never took a bottle, or cow milk until very recently. Couldn't send DP in to settle her as she still wanted me. So what we did wasn't necessarily typical but relying on words and making it a bedtime only thing (rest of the night it was just cuddles, however long it took) did work fairly quickly for us. It also helped that she was day weaned from being at nursery and I'd cut out the feed she used to have when we got home fairly swiftly.

Just giving that as an alternative example, I don't think cold turkey would have worked for us. A week or two of 'its running out' etc helped massively in our case. But she did only wake up once or twice in the night anyway so that also went in our favour.

Hope it all works out for you, I know how frustrating and exhausting it can be and with the desire for another baby on top it really is challenging.

Quite impressed, then he gives baby to his grandmother 😂

I had to wean cold turkey with DC2 at 14 months.

He had started biting and caused an injury to my nipple which was excruciating every time he nursed. I went to the Dr and they told me I had to stop on that side at least until it had fully healed or I could stop feeding altogether.

He forgot about it after a couple
of days. I was amazed. We replaced the breast with a bottle of warm milk which he now loves. I know a bottle isn’t ideal after age one, but it’s meant I have my life back.

Good luck!

I agree with cold turkey approach. You have done an amazing job but the time has come to stop. You know it and your DH knows it. Your little one doesn't know it yet and will find it tough for a few days but will be fine.

If possible I would go away for a couple of days, otherwise you may cave in. You also deserve a rest. Your body will be going through a big change too. Good luck OP!

Why because my son feeds a lot?

you realise it takes 9 months for a baby to come? That’s if I get I can even ovulate again. Your mean girl comments are very obvious

I'm not being a mean girl, but you currently can't handle one, let alone two. Two is A LOT of work, I would say more than double the work of one.

I fed both mine to 27 months and when I was done I was DONE. Giant plasters over my nipples, told my daughter they were “baddy” she asked to look every now and again which I allowed and she just accepted it.

This is a totally ridiculous post. I see nothing at all in OP's posts to say she won't be able to handle another child. And yes, before you ask I have three so well aware of what it's like.

Even if she got pregnant tomorrow she has months and months to fix her baby's sleep and sort weaning.

We had an abrupt end to breastfeeding at 15mo due to illness (me). Everyone was fine and we all lived happily ever after.

I think your plan sounds like a really good one and you'll look back in a week or so wishing you'd done it sooner.

I’m in a very similar place, but my son is now 25 months. He might weaned and was doing such better sleeping but a few bouts of illnesses took all of that out.
last night was the first night I didn’t nurse him in months. My partner went to him, he cried for a longgggg time, but then went back to sleep. I didn’t feed him this morning and he’s now at nursery while I work so none all day. I’m hoping tonight will be better. Good luck! I think cold
turkey will be the answer for both of us even if we feel horrible guilt and it’s painful. Hopefully by the start of next week we can all get some sleep!

@OnWednesdays good luck! You’ll be fine. The hardest nights out of the way xx

I can handle one? I’m having issues with weaning as he’s become boob obsessed and his sleeps bad, otherwise I can perfectly handle one, Thanks though for your concern! Haha

I was in a similar situation. I stopped cold turkey at 20 months. I had finally fallen pregnant (she had a stint of not waking up to feed at night which I think allowed me to get pregnant) but when I breastfed her a couple days after finding out I was pregnant i started to bleed a bit and it panicked me due to a previous loss. So I stopped without even knowing that was my last feed. I told her that the boobie magic was being sent back so other babies could feed from their mummies. She accepted it with no issue, asked a couple times but I reminded her we'd sent the magic back and that's been it. I mentioned it again to her when we saw babies breastfeeding out and about. She doesn't make any attempt to breast feed now just has cows milk and her little sister due any day now.

ive Been taking ovulation tests and I’ve known this month that it’s apparent I’m not ovulating, I know I was before so it must be the night feeds. I hope I can ovulate soon as this is so disappointing to find out.

im devastated as my last feed I was just on my phone and didn’t even know, now I want to feed him again to know it’s my last one and feel that closure but I can’t. I feel upset it’s ended this way especially since the last few were frustrated night ones where I hated it. I hope I can move on, sounds so ridiculous haha

I felt exactly the same! I felt terrible like I was already choosing my unborn child over my daughter! I did cry a bit about it but honestly she took to it so well I don't feel sad about it anymore. You might feel bad for a few days/weeks but you'll soon all be in a different routine and you won't feel bad about it any more.
I hope he takes to it well! I really think explaining to my daughter that we had to give the magic back is what made it easier for her to understand.

OP I could have written your post a few years ago.

You have done amazingly well. You’ve breastfed for 21 months! You’ve tried to cut back and he won’t let you. Some children are very strong willed.

For me, I went cold turkey. Son was devastated and so was I and it is the hardest thing I ever did. Many many tears all round. I don’t know if there was a better way but it had to end before I was completely broken.

Sorry that some jerks found your thread. 🙄

xx