Hello all
I wont go into full details as my post could get quite long.
I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 5. In January 2022, I shared concerns with my mum and sister that we werent right for each other and that we dont seem to get on anymore. My mum offered support and my sister basically told me that I was not putting in enough effort. I didnt like her response, I thought it was very ill-informed. So I decided I wouldn't tell her anything, ever again.
Come April / May, I met a lovely man, I am ashamed to say this but I started an emotional affair. In September, I then told my husband that I wasnt happy. I said that we needed space. He got really defensive and was not very pleasant.
During all of this time, I told my mum everything, start / middle / end and kept her informed of all details as I needed support. My husband and I decided we would split mid-Nov and I then spent some time with this other guy, as me and my husband hadn't slept together in over a year, we would barely talk to each other.. we were basically like housemates that didn't get on.
During this time, me and other man went away for the weekend and the following day, I met up with my mum and sister for dinner. Too much drink was had, and my sister kept asking me questions and not believing my answers - silly things like, what are you upto this week.. when I told her christmas shopping, she refused to believe me and accused me of being secretive and not telling her what was going on. I then blurted that I have started seeing the other man, we spent the weekend together and that I like him very much.
She then demanded why me and husband hadnt legally seperated, I said it was too close to christmas and I had to think about my finances. She then turned nasty. Called me; disgusting, a slut, money grabbing, etc. etc. My mum, who told everything too - including the weekend away, sat in silence, I asked her if she was going to say anything and she said "well, what do you expect, i dont even know what is going on" - this shocked me, as I told her alot and she acted that I didnt. I then decided to leave as I was crying and I had enough of my sister shouting at me. I went to the loo first and bumped into my mum who asked what was wrong, I asked if she was being serious after what had just happened and she said "this has nothing to do with your sister, you just feel sad because of what youve done". They both then told my dad all of my business - he didnt know anything about my marriage breaking down or this new guy, and then they both gave me an ultimatum to tell my husband the full truth or they would.
The next day, mum and sister couldnt remember a word.. they were too drunk. Since that night, there have been many apologies and tears. I did meet with them before Christmas and my sister asked what was going on with hubby and new guy. I told her husband had been back staying in the house, as we wanted to talk and spend time together, but I know that its really over, that we both cant accept that and I want to know for certain if it is the right thing to do after all these years togther. My mum then got annoyed and asked why I was entertaining this and declared that she wouldnt be spending Christmas with my husband - I never even mentioned Christmas. I then told her to keep out of my business.
The next day, my dad called up and asked if my husband would be there at Christmas as he didnt know if he should buy a gift, I said he wouldnt be as we are over - my dad then said "why not?! shoudnt you try and work at your marriage". Then on Christmas day, he sat and pointed out things he can fix / change in my house while asking when I wanted him to decorate again - this really pissed me off, as there is a very, very high chance the house will be sold - they all know this!
I decided at that point that I wanted to take a step back from my family - that I wasnt actually getting upset at my marriage ending, I was getting upset with them. Constantly judging, opinionated etc. So I have, after Christmas day, I simply replied back to message when I was contacted, thats all.
Last night my sister asked if she could call for a chat - this literally never happens - she assured me, after I asked, that it had nothing to do with my husband. We spoke. She started saying that she is worried for me as I have been very quiet and "strange" with money. I said I was thinking about my finances as I was moving from 2 person income to 1 income, so I had to think about this and that is why I have been careful with money. She then said that she knew nothing about this new guy and that I have isolated myself by not talking to anyone. I then told her I was distancing myself from my family because they have hurt me and since doing so, I have been soo happy. She then started shouting at me and telling me I am selfish and distancing myself is a really horrible thing to do. SHe told me our mum and dad dont know what to say to me as I get so defensive.She said I am going through a huge life event and that I need people around me. I told her I had colleageus and friends that have not once judged or been nasty. SHe then started crying, as did I.
She then texted saying she was always here for me and she is sorry for upsetting me. There have been a few texts since but I have been really wound up since. I have been annoyed, irrtated and angry since our phone call.
She keeps telling me I am not reflecting on my actions and I am hurting other people. Yes, I regret starting something with this other man but my marriage has now ended. I dont know what they all want me to do. Why does my family need to know every detail of my life, and when I dont give them this, or am quiet, I am being secretive.. what business is it of theirs!
Sorry for the long post.
Please can you give opinions or am I being unreasonable?