Or am I bit weird/ cold

[Redtuckshop]

I am a quite confident person. This confidence is misplaced as I get stuff wrong and mess up all the time. I have a sort of irrational lack of fear. I think it's impacting on my friendships and relationships (even with my children) as I don't really understand anxiety or feeling nervous. I just sort of do things, impulsively sometimes.
For example last year I went on a trip. One of my friends accidentally got separate from the group and everyone kept banging on and on about how terrible it was that she wasn't with us and how scared she must be. I just don't get it, it's one trip lasting a couple of ours, she would be fine, chat to new people, see the same sights that we all would. I knew if it was me that I would have enjoyed the trip just the same even if I wasn't with my friends. But doesn't that make me odd? Shouldn't who I'm with make the trip? I like people but I think I can make connections with others quite quickly and would welcome a bit of space, if I didn't want to talk and just wanted to experience it.
My DM remembers on a school trip once, we were delayed and stuck in another country for an extra two days. She recalls the teachers asked me if i wanted to call her and I did, out of obligation, but told her how excited I was to get more time in Italy. She said most of rest of the kids cried.
If I have to drive somewhere I just drive, I don't worry about getting lost. If I want to go somewhere I just book a flight or trip rather than trying to find someone to go with. I'm certain there are other people like me but I live in a very small town and a lot of other women (and yes it is generally women) are more social, unadventurous and some are more anxious. It makes me feel strange and 'distant' like I can't relate without lying to them or feeling like I'm making out I'm superior. I know that it's not a good trait to be fine on your own all the time.

Does she really though? She seems impulsive, lacking in critical thinking, and unable to see other peoples point of view to a rather large degree. Also unfriendly, smug and kinda irritating.

How does it affect the relationship with your children?

DH is like that, pre phones he would just head off to places (even outside The UK) and as long as he had money in his wallet he would assume it would be ok. He still has no anxiety about travelling etc, but I have enough for both of us!
The things he would worry about such as giving a talk to a crowd etc are the things I can do without any fear so it works out ok

The flapping over where to have a wee when you find yourself in the middle of the countryside is something I find particularly alien. See that bush over there? > That's where

I was in a situation once where the only cover was very sparse knee high scrub. I put the men in the tour group on their honour not to look (no idea if they did or not) and turned my back on the road, figuring that I wasn't going to know if the passing lorry drivers were looking or not, but when you gotta go....

What does scare you or has scared you?

Do you find joy in relationships?

Are you able to empathise in general?

Do you feel any sense of emptiness?

LAck of empathy makes for difficult relationships.

You’re ok @crackofdoom 😂 I’d rather pee in a bush than talk to someone too. You’ve got life skills.

This was a younger me (although I was possibly more empathic) but it’s changed as I’ve got older. I can’t believe I did the things I did in my 20s and 30s. Perhaps when menopause hell is over I’ll revert back. I hope so. It’s a much happier place to be.

I dunno OP, I know various people like you (by people I mean women 😎)... Unless there's more and you're merrily flying off to war zones or don't buy holiday medical cover or otherwise do ACTUAL SUPER RISKY STUFF what's the problem? Some people are afraid of spiders FFS, doesn't mean everyone has to be.

Question, are you sometimes afraid or ,at least, feel caution kicking in - like say you get caught in a sudden snowstorm, do you pull off at the services / creep along so you can stop in time, or do you speed alone at 70 still?
If you have a working fear/caution circuit, you're okay I would say...

I think there's nothing wrong with this unless you are completely ignorant to throw fact that others are different and don't find it the same. Being self sufficient and resilient is a positive, being devoid of empathy is a real weakness.

Not really getting all that from the OP. But you do you.

My mind is a prison of anxiety and fear, I’m 37 and constantly afraid people will figure out I’m not a real grown up. I think it would be nice to be more like you! As long as you don’t ridicule people who aren’t like you feel free to own it.

I think your approach is very healthy tbh OP. I'm a bit like this too.

I think women in particularly are conditioned to be anxious and self-limiting in a lot of situations where its not necessary and it only serves to hold them back.

I agree also with @crackofdoom that the absurd paranoia people get into about where they are going to go to the toilet is one of the worst examples of that tendency.

People need to listen to their own instincts. If you feel safe and like its an adventure don't let other people's anxieties limit you.

I’d rather dig myself under the patio full of spiders than give a speech now that I think of it. But I’ve travelled around the earth with nearly no money, and it all worked out well.

No, nor me. But I guess you might if you're the sort of person she's talking about in her post that's making a drama out of every little thing and seem to need to be in a group all the time.

I agree. The older generations’ view that “we just got on with it” wasn’t entirely healthy, but we’ve gone too far the other way. Everything a bit difficult is “affecting my MH” or “triggering” (which annoys me as it’s overused way beyond its meaning). An adult shouldn’t suffer distress from being separated from the group.

I don;t get your post. I have travelled all over the world on my own, including places like India, Cambodia, Thailand, Turkey, Greece. I also eat out on my own, go to the movies on my own, go everywhere on my own.

There are lots of us like you. Maybe you just haven't met us.

I’m a bit like this too but since having children, I don’t like being away from them but everyone else, no problem, I love it.

my sister said to me recently ‘it was awful, like that terrifying feeling when you are driving somewhere and you get lost’ and I was ‘what is she talking about?’
I would drive anywhere anytime and would not ever be concerned about getting lost, I didn’t understand what she meant at all.

The comfort with travelling and being alone is just one aspect though. I wonder if all the people saying they are just like the OP really mean that they have her completely misplaced confidence and mess things up all the time, and don’t feel certain of their personal relationships?
I have zero anxiety, thrive on work pressure and stress, love public speaking and job interviews, and travel alone and go to the cinema alone. I never really worry about anything. However, my confidence is never misplaced and nothing ever really goes wrong for me. I have empathy for friends and family and can quite vividly imagine what it would be like to have anxiety, which makes me very grateful not to suffer in that way.
I therefore don’t think the key aspect of the post is the confidence or lack of faffing. OP notices that her feelings of confidence diverge from reality and things go wrong for her, and doesn’t feel positive about relationships. She doesn’t understand the way others feel. These aren’t the words of someone who is fine.

I think either you have misunderstood me or my grammar was confusing. I was asking the OP why she thinks it's not a good trait to be fine on your own because I disagree with that as a premise. I also do a lot on my own and don't have a problem with it.

Maybe you just haven't met us

Not had that pleasure. I can live with that.

All of this. Keep being who you are, OP.

I responded wrongly. I meant to respond to the OP and meant to agree with your post!

I agree that there is nothing weird or cold about being fine on your own. Just like there is nothing weird or cold about wanting to be with other people. I find though that I have no patience these days for coordinating schedules, so I go on my own.

I wonder if all the people saying they are just like the OP really mean that they have her completely misplaced confidence and mess things up all the time, and don’t feel certain of their personal relationships?

Obviously I can't speak for anyone else but that's not what I meant. It's interesting though that you see her and the people like her through a negative filter - calling the confidence 'misplaced' and casting doubt on their personal relationships. Why is that?

Thanks for clarifying, I did wonder!

It’s the words the OP uses: “This confidence is misplaced as I get stuff wrong and mess up all the time… I think it's impacting on my friendships and relationships (even with my children).”