To think an adult and their parents don't have to spend the child's birthday together every year?

[LastNCof2022]

My OH's parents live in Cornwall and as they will be away for a couple of weeks, they have kindly offered us their beautiful house if my OH and I fancy going, with or without another couple. We have invited my aunt and uncle who we have a nice relationship with and whose company we enjoy. My aunt however won't come because it's my cousin's birthday (she will turn 54 - she has a husband and one kid still at home) and my aunt wants to see her on that day (which would be right in the middle of our break so not possible for her and my uncle to join us the following day as it'd make not sense to travel that far for 48 hours). No formal celebrations - she just feels that she can't be away on her daughter's birthday. They live fairly close to each other and see each other at least a couple of times a week.

Is it odd that my auntie thinks that the idea of her not seeing her daughter on her birthday is mad? Do you see your parents on your birthday each year? Or your adult children even if nothing's being 'organised' to mark the day? AIBU to think it's very strange behaviour on my aunt's part?

Perhaps as they live close and see each other a lot it feels a big deal to her.

It's not wrong but I don't think it's something many adults would feel the need to do.

Yeah that's odd, but some people just are a bit odd.

Just invite other people.

We don't all think and act the same.

I see my adult dc on most of their birthdays at some point of the day, a holiday has not come up yet but I probably would go.

Most people don't feel that way. Neither DH nor I ever spend birthdays with our respective parents unless that happens to be a convenient day for a visit. It wouldn't occur to any of us to especially arrange it that way. That said it apparently is important to her and I don't see anything wrong with that.

I haven't seen my parents on my birthday for 40 years - why would I? Most of my 50 something friends would say the same & pretty much all of them live at least 100 miles away from their parents.
Making a fuss about birthdays is for little children & I think most adults would be embarrassed if their parents made a fuss of them.

It totally depends on the circumstances. I am in my 30s and have spent the last few birthdays at home as my very elderly gran loves it and I know I won’t have many left with her. To other friends, it’s not so important.

Birthdays are a big deal in our family. Going out for a meal is a thing we also enjoy.
Both my sons are adults and have partners. However we go out for a meal with them and their partners and the partners parents. So for each birthday at least 8 of us go out, that is, me and Dh, Ds1 and partner, Ds2 and their partner and parents of the partner of whose birthday it is. If we all can't make the day we try to make the weekend before or after the party to have the meal.
We do the same for me and Dh. Long may it continue.

If it is going to be a weekend meal and the birthday is midweek we would call around at there's to drop a present off or they may call in on their way home from work.

Personally I think it's a bit odd. We always celebrate each other's birthdays, but usually a weekend close to it rather than the actual day itself.

I don’t find it odd, I always see my mum on my birthday, we go out for lunch. Ii always take my birthday off.

Would she decline a holiday if it fell on your bday?

I haven't seen DD on my birthday since 2018. She usually works the day before, or after (sometimes on the actual day itself), and living a 3 hour drive away, it's not fair for her to drive here just for a few hours. She and her DP usually go away the week of her birthday so I just see her as close to it as I can. Neither of us gets upset about it though.

I think it depends on who the other person have in their lives. When my parents were alive it rarely happened, we’d celebrate when we could get together or just cards and presents, when my mother died we made sure our father was never alone for significant days.

I think there is a bit of difference between,

"i see we are both working on your birthday, shall we meet up Saturday instead?"

and

" i am planning to go away to see other people on your birthday, so shall we meet up saturday instead".

I imagine your cousin is probably fine not to see her mum, but your aunt might feel guilty about chosing you over her own daughter.

My parents insist on seeing me on my birthday, I find it odd and remind them that's there's 364 other days they could visit. Ensuring it's that specific day is just weird when it's been a long hard day at work and you just want to get home and slob out but can't.

Could be an excuse!

Different strokes for different folks.

YABU. I don't usually see my DPs on my birthday and my DH doesn't usually see his either. Doesn't mean that she's wrong for doing so. It's important to her and her DD. Your opinion doesn't make a blind bit of difference - you don't get a vote.

Well, there's no rule of course for this, and people can do as they wish!

That's how they do things. I find it odd that you'd make a thread about it tbh.

Every family is different...that's what makes the world go round 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she doesn’t fancy the trip?

Bit weird. Smacks of enmeshment.

Ok I don't give a toss about my birthday but this is just an, immature comment. Some families just have a tradition of making a big deal of birthdays. Not because they'reall childish divas but probably because they all enjoy treating each other once a year - why not? It's incredibly childish to look down on people who do things differently to you.

I should have said: we have been away with my aunt and uncle, before. And we get together every few weeks. So I don't think that not wanting to go away with us this time could be the reason. I can't be sure of course but if she didn't fancy Cornwall she could have said - we don't have to make excuses with each other.

As for my cousin, she will be with her family that day so won't be by herself.

I totally get that everyone does things differently - but I'm glad to see that the majority above agrees with me that it's a little odd for a mother to want to see her daughter on her birthday every year. And to find the idea of not doing so, madness (you should have seen my aunt's face - the simple idea of missing her daughter's birthday was shocking to her!).