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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do people think Londoners are rude?

397 replies

beejeez · 03/01/2023 06:20

I'm obviously biased as I'm originally from London, but why do people think Londoners are rude?

I was there a few days ago and it was so great to be back. I find true Londoners so friendly (OK, maybe not when commuting in and out of work, but definitely the rest of the time).

If you talk to them then they are really friendly back!

OP posts:
PeskyYeti · 03/01/2023 08:02

I can't walk down my street without a couple of people saying hello. In my area you don't walk past someone, even if you've never met them, without greeting them in some way. That's a friendly place to live.

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:02

SchnauzerEyebrows · 03/01/2023 07:06

Here in my part of the North Yorkshire dales, if you walk past someone, they smile and say hello. Whether you know them or not!
This is not the case with Londoners.

Are you seriously comparing the Yorkshire dales to London?!

9 million people. 5 million people travel on the tube everyday. 3 million between commuter hours.

I can't even estimate how many people I walked next to, walked past, stood or sat next to on a 25 minute work journey. Maybe 500?

Saying hello to the single other person you see on the dog walk is hardly the same and certainly doesn't imply Londoners are rude. Just practical.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 08:03

EarringsandLipstick · 03/01/2023 07:47

I don't want to fucking talk to you on the Tube, even if my face isn't in your armpit. I have a book.

This I don't really get. I mean, not that I'd expect loads of chats on the Tube! I don't have them on the train / DART in Dublin.

But most of the times I travel on public transport in Dublin, there'll be some small chat, where appropriate - might be waiting on the platform, or a quick mention of weather / Christmas / busy-ness of the train - I really value these micro-interactions, and recognised that when they were gone during the pandemic

From my perspective, I have two young children, a husband and several people who visit our house weekly (MIL, cleaner, dog walker etc). I feel like most of my time is spent with people / talking to people, esp young children taking up my time. Adding in a full time job when you’re “on” most of the day and making conversation then for most people, the commute is the only time of the day when you have time to yourself and some peace and quiet. I certainly don’t want to spend that time making small talk with a stranger, it adds absolutely nothing to my day.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 03/01/2023 08:03

Are people referring to Londoners or people living in London when they say we’re rude? Are they the same?

Commuting on the tube daily is tiring and frustrating. I want to either get to work or get home from work. I’m not out for the day enjoying the sights or going for a nice lunch. I’ll help if asked for directions and with buggies and I’ll stand for anyone I think needs my seat (if I have one!) but Im not happy enough to be randomly smiling at strangers.

TeaAndToastest · 03/01/2023 08:03

I don't want to fucking talk to you on the Tube, even if my face isn't in your armpit. I have a book.

Well, indeed. People who think Londoners are rude in not chatting should look up positive and negative politeness- essentially different types of politeness based on either reaching out to others or avoiding imposing on others. We all do
bit of both but (very broadly) the higher the population density, the higher the value placed on negative politeness: not imposing on strangers or invading their physical or mental space more than you can help is polite in the culture and circumstances in question. It’s nothing to do with being unfriendly or unwilling to help someone in need.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 03/01/2023 08:05

Of course not everyone offering to help with a pushchair or giving up a seat will actually be a Londoner; some will be those annoying tourists 😉

fajitaaaa · 03/01/2023 08:05

Also you never know who is going to stab you etc so it's best just to keep quiet and get to your office

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 08:06

fajitaaaa · 03/01/2023 08:05

Also you never know who is going to stab you etc so it's best just to keep quiet and get to your office

Oh my fucking god

Kucingsparkles · 03/01/2023 08:06

We lived in London for many years (I'm foreign, DH is northern) and we never found it unfriendly. We make regular trips back to London with the DC and still love it.

In my experience, Londoners express friendliness with shared eye-contact rather than yammering away at strangers. Also, people are very quick to render practical assistance e.g. helping a parent with pushchair up some steps without having to be asked (I've been both the helper and the helpee at different times); perhaps it's selfish helpfulness in the sense that all Londoners know a stuck pushchair will clog up the entire Tube exit for everyone??

So - it's hardly rocket science that people trying to go about their daily business in a busy city don't usually have time to stop and chat. And living in a northern city now, nobody chats on public transport during commuting hours either, because we're also trying to go about our daily business. Who would have thought?

In fact the only person I know here in the north, who constantly stops to greet passersby and tries to make random conversation, is FiL. He's retired, he's got the time - I often notice that the people he latches on to are politely but desperately struggling to get away Grin, so much for friendly northerners eh?

ToBeOrNotToBee · 03/01/2023 08:07

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/01/2023 06:26

Probably because people are friendly when commuting elsewhere. I'm northern but go to London often. There is little eye contact, no one smiles at you and everyone seems in a rush compared to my home town where you say hello to people you just walk past regularly.

There's over 1 million people on the tube at its busiest.

Approx 300 or so in each tube carriage. You seriously expect londoners to smile at all of them???

Rubyupbeat · 03/01/2023 08:08

It's a city thing and if you are talking central London, then everyone has somewhere to go, navigating around tourists and watching out for pickpockets.
Suburban areas are different , people have more time and if you meet a real east ender, they will chew your ears off and want to help.
I found Manchester really unfriendly, but again, that was central city. No doubt a lot friendlier elsewhere.

Beamur · 03/01/2023 08:09

TeaAndToastest
That's a really interesting point.
I am from the south, but live in Yorkshire. Was in London recently visiting friends and I think I have developed more northern body language! My friend was horrified by the amount of people I smiled at (they smiled back) and general eye contact.
I agree that Londoners are generally very good at respecting each others personal space but are not inherently unfriendly.

Rubyupbeat · 03/01/2023 08:09

Ifailed · 03/01/2023 07:36

Here in my part of the North Yorkshire dales, if you walk past someone, they smile and say hello. Whether you know them or not!
This is not the case with Londoners.

Of course not, 9 million people live in London and there's always a million or so visitors, you'd never get anywhere if you were smiling and saying hello to everyone you met.

Exactly!

Sapphire387 · 03/01/2023 08:10

I've lived in London for 37 years (my whole life) and have never seen people stepping over someone who has collapsed, nor blind/disabled people being shouted at to get out of the way. Not saying it hasn’t happened, but it would be rare, I think.

There are millions of people here so I can't speak for everyone, but by and large I find Londoners to be an excellent combination of kind, and unintrusive.

Kucingsparkles · 03/01/2023 08:10

TeaAndToastest · 03/01/2023 08:03

I don't want to fucking talk to you on the Tube, even if my face isn't in your armpit. I have a book.

Well, indeed. People who think Londoners are rude in not chatting should look up positive and negative politeness- essentially different types of politeness based on either reaching out to others or avoiding imposing on others. We all do
bit of both but (very broadly) the higher the population density, the higher the value placed on negative politeness: not imposing on strangers or invading their physical or mental space more than you can help is polite in the culture and circumstances in question. It’s nothing to do with being unfriendly or unwilling to help someone in need.

That is such a good way of explaining it! Thank you!

Rubyupbeat · 03/01/2023 08:11

fajitaaaa · 03/01/2023 08:05

Also you never know who is going to stab you etc so it's best just to keep quiet and get to your office

A complete exaggeration Hmm

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:12

TeaAndToastest · 03/01/2023 08:03

I don't want to fucking talk to you on the Tube, even if my face isn't in your armpit. I have a book.

Well, indeed. People who think Londoners are rude in not chatting should look up positive and negative politeness- essentially different types of politeness based on either reaching out to others or avoiding imposing on others. We all do
bit of both but (very broadly) the higher the population density, the higher the value placed on negative politeness: not imposing on strangers or invading their physical or mental space more than you can help is polite in the culture and circumstances in question. It’s nothing to do with being unfriendly or unwilling to help someone in need.

100%. I would find incessant chatting and question asking from a stranger extremely rude when trapped in public transport. I'd grin and bare it 'to be polite' but find it extremely rude and intrusive as would most on the tube in the morning.

For many the commute is a time of quiet thought and contemplation, reading the news or a book, catching up on work or ( for me) listening to upbeat music and putting on make up not small talk with a stranger.

Newjobformoremoney · 03/01/2023 08:12

@Untitledsquatboulder · It's not just about commuting etiquette, it's "don't give a fuckness". London is exactly the sort of place where, if you collapse on the pavement, people will step over you or skirt round you and "not get involved". (I grew up in London then moved up north and never went home again). not just about commuting etiquette, it's "don't give a fuckness". London is exactly the sort of place where, if you collapse on the pavement, people will step over you or skirt round you and "not get involved". (I grew up in London then moved up north and never went home again).

I have to say this isn’t my experience at all! I also take my daughter to school on the tube and people give us seats etc (she’s just turned 5). I always had help with my pushchair up and down the stair and never really needed to ask.
the only time I didn’t was when a group of Italian tourist rammed pasted me and the pushchair coming out from Notting Hill Gate and a Londoner helped me out.

Im not from the UK but I always notice how people love to bash London and you get a sense that people look down on it. I don’t understand why.

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:12

fajitaaaa · 03/01/2023 08:05

Also you never know who is going to stab you etc so it's best just to keep quiet and get to your office

You've never been to London have you dear?

Newjobformoremoney · 03/01/2023 08:12

Ahhhh quoting fail!

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/01/2023 08:15

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/01/2023 07:54

It’s not an attack on Cockneys or Londoners, it’s the rudeness of people in London.

Why is it rude to not smile and say hello to random people?

ShirleyPhallus · 03/01/2023 08:16

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:12

100%. I would find incessant chatting and question asking from a stranger extremely rude when trapped in public transport. I'd grin and bare it 'to be polite' but find it extremely rude and intrusive as would most on the tube in the morning.

For many the commute is a time of quiet thought and contemplation, reading the news or a book, catching up on work or ( for me) listening to upbeat music and putting on make up not small talk with a stranger.

Show quote history

You shouldn’t admit to putting on make up on public transport, MN gets very het up about it 😆 In fact, because of covid we haven’t had a thread about that for ages so maybe start one if you fancy some fireworks

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:16

PeskyYeti · 03/01/2023 08:02

I can't walk down my street without a couple of people saying hello. In my area you don't walk past someone, even if you've never met them, without greeting them in some way. That's a friendly place to live.

What if the was over 500 of them?

Needless to say I knew everyone one of my neighbours in central London and we remain friends.

My parents in the North East say no one talks in the street any more. And they've lived in their house for 50 years

fajitaaaa · 03/01/2023 08:18

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:12

You've never been to London have you dear?

Show quote history

I'm not talking about London. I'm talking about my commute and if I started trying to talk to people they would look at me funny. And yes some people round here are a bit stabby.

BoganKiwi · 03/01/2023 08:19

@ShirleyPhallus I was hoping for a "MAKE UP???!! Angry" comment!

I haven't loved in London for 7 years but yes make up applied on the tube for 20 years. I have a very steady hand these days and I can do a full face in 5 minutes!