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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to taking them

65 replies

SarahAshley2 · 02/01/2023 19:30

Just at parents having lunch and my SIL wanted us to drive them home in our car (about a 20 minute journey). They drove over but were leaving their car at garage next door for MOT in morning.

Our car is a five seater (one seat has a car seat for my DS). So leaves two in front and then two small spaces in back. However there were six of us.. four adults and two kids. SIL said it’s fine, her 6yo daughter will sit on her lap and the rest of us just squeeze in. We were given no pre-warning of this arrangement until BIL slipped it in to conversation. DH said nothing and so it was left to me to say ‘how are you getting home by the way? We won’t be having you in our car as you’ll not fit and it’s illegal’. They didn’t happily agree, DH chipped in ‘well we can but it’s a squeeze’. Luckily someone else there then offered to drive them and that was that. However I feel annoyed DH didn’t really back me up and they just assumed it was ok.

Would you have done the same? I mean it isn’t a two minute journey and not only uncomfortable but actually illegal!

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 02/01/2023 19:56

Absolutely no way would I have done this, and neither would DH. It's illegal and dangerous. I'm shocked that these days anyone would even consider it.

Original poster
SarahAshley2 · 02/01/2023 19:56

caravanbuckie · 02/01/2023 19:52

My BIL mentioned earlier in convo ‘oh we’ll get a lift with you’ but didn’t outright ask!

I think this was perhaps him hoping you would offer to take them. I don't think it necessarily means they wanted you to take more people than seats. There was the more sensible option of you or your DH giving them a lift then coming back for you/him. That is much more likely.

Sorry I wasn’t specific.. BIL mentioned earlier about getting a lift with us and I didn’t say anything. Just before we went to leave, as they were putting shoes on I said ‘so how are you getting home?’ SIL then said with you, DD can sit on my lap.. we will all squeeze to which I said no.

OP posts:
caravanbuckie · 02/01/2023 20:00

Sorry my misunderstanding.

You were right not to take them anyhow, not because it's illegal either, but because it's dangerous. Of course it is illegal because it is dangerous, but the potential danger would be my main concern, not a fine.

Glitterandcard · 02/01/2023 20:06

Not a chance would I take them. It’s dangerous and it’s illegal and it’s my licence on the line. They’re absolutely outrageous to even ask.

parsniiips · 02/01/2023 20:13

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

Would you still consider it minor if someone ended up going through the windscreen?

parsniiips · 02/01/2023 20:15

And a 20 minute trip twice is 40 minutes, then having to go home yourself.

That's taking the piss at the last minute when you have your own child to take home and get settled for bed.

They should have organised themselves better or discussed the possibility of a lift home and the logistics of it earlier.

parsniiips · 02/01/2023 20:16

And ontop of all that, why should the driver put their license on the line because people are too stupid to understand the law or organise how they are getting home?

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/01/2023 20:18

RewildingAmbridge · 02/01/2023 19:40

If DH wanted to do them a favour he could've run you and DC home then gone back for them. Definitely wouldn't have children on laps. Also high police presence on the roads here at the moment and it would be the driver facing the consequences not the parents.

This would have been a sensible option.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 02/01/2023 20:19

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

Aren't you the one who cried because you weren't IDed for alcohol at the age of 28?

GracieLouFreeebush · 02/01/2023 20:19

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

I’ve read a few threads on here about people worrying about different relatives looking after their kids because they are lax with safety and car seats. At this point I’m wondering if you are one of the relatives.

youshouldnthaveasked · 02/01/2023 20:20

I wouldn’t have drove with the 6 year old
on the lap. 2 journeys seems reasonable as long as it’s been pre-arranged and they’ve offered money for petrol

MrsR87 · 02/01/2023 20:22

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

Because it’s illegal and highly dangerous. Very dangerous for the little girl sat in the lap but also super dangerous for whoever is sat in the front, directly in front of her. The impact of someone hitting you from behind that doesn’t have a seatbelt on puts a lot more pressure on the person in the front and the results of that are usually devastating. Not something that I would ever risk!

Also, if the police pull you over, it would be the driver, not the cheeky family that got into trouble.

Tinkerbyebye · 02/01/2023 20:23

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

So you would be happy to invalidate your insurance?

Happy pay a fine if caught

happy to break the law?

good for you, hope you don’t ever get hit by someone being as stupid as you, or worse you hit someone else

MrsPuggyWuggy · 02/01/2023 20:28

You could post a thread saying the sky is blue and keyansier would reply saying it’s not, they always post batshit opinions on here

catandcoffee · 02/01/2023 20:29

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

There were six people in a car that legally holds 5 people.
would you really break the law ?

Whydidimarrythis · 02/01/2023 20:30

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 19:33

I would have just drove. I don't get why people make such a fuss over minor things like this (each to their own though of course).

“Each to their own” doesn’t count for risking a six year old’s life (and others) by breaking the law. Obviously.

You get a lot of grief on this site and this kind of post is why. It’s hard to fathom that a person genuinely feels this way about things.

Whydidimarrythis · 02/01/2023 20:31

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 02/01/2023 20:19

Aren't you the one who cried because you weren't IDed for alcohol at the age of 28?

Show quote history

Keyansier is the one who got upset that people were protesting the World Cup because it was ruining his fun 😂

NancyJoan · 02/01/2023 20:36

Two trips would take over an hour! There’s little chance I’d do that without having been asked properly, and they really should have arranged this before you were all sat down to lunch. Couldn’t your parents take them home?

Womencanlift · 02/01/2023 20:40

I wouldn’t have driven illegally but I would have had the conversation earlier when it was first raised and do two trips

PinkiOcelot · 02/01/2023 20:42

No I definitely wouldn’t have people on a lap in the back. Anyone who would is an idiot.

Blowthemandown · 02/01/2023 20:56

@SarahAshley2 pretty sure your insurance would be void as well if you exceed intended passenger number

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 02/01/2023 20:57

Ridiculous to suggest it. You would lose your license, they wouldn't and in an accident most likely their daughter would be badly injured or lose her life. You would be done for manslaughter.
I wouldnt have offered 2 trips either. There and back is 40 minutes minimum, back again is another 20, plus the travel time to your house. So atleast an hours inconvenience. They should have arranged a courtesy car, a lift with your parents or a taxi.

PrincessofWellies · 02/01/2023 20:59

Point your husband in the direction of the Angela Dublin case in Oxford. Very tragic, and ruined many lives probably including her own.

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 21:01

YANBU. Surely their children’s lives are worth the price of a 20 minute taxi?

Devoutspoken · 02/01/2023 21:02

Book them a cab

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