To think this reaction from my ex is out of proportion?

[Dizzying]

Me and ex split some time ago. When I was applying to a new job I realised I had left some documents at her place and needed them back in order to have proof of ID. I sent her a civilised message asking if she could post the things back to me, and I would reimburse her for the delivery and packaging costs. She agreed, but said she didn’t want to be reimbursed. I said I’d feel more comfortable if I covered the costs. I sent her a few things back in the post too, and a birthday card and some small gifts.

She sent them, but didn’t tell me when she sent them (which is fine, she doesn’t have to), and she ending up sending them to my old address. My ex flatmate got a card through the door saying “sorry we missed you” and it was sent back to the sorting office. Ex flatmate said she would pick it up for me as I was working early morning shifts and would miss the opening times of the sorting office, and she lived down the road from there.

Ex flatmate said she had “forgotten” and when I rang the office they said they only keep the parcels for so long and then discard, so mine had been discarded.

I felt terrible that I hadn’t picked it up after my ex went to the trouble of posting it. I sent a massive apology message to my ex, thanked her again for sending them and said I would sort it out.

She didn’t speak to me for a month and has now sent me messages calling me self-centred, manipulative, and that I have humiliated her and wasted her time. I apologised again, thanked her again, but she said I have made a fool of her.

AIBU!

To pick up someone else's post, the ex flatmate would need your ID to pick it up.

The post office keeps things for 18 days, that's plenty of time, if these were important docs I'd have been making sure flatmate had picked up.

You really need to be more proactive in your life.

Have you been trying to get your ex to take you back?

Your ex has done nothing wrong. Your ex flatmate should have told you they couldn't collect. You should have redirected or collected your own post.

Signed for posts gets returned to sender.

You over stepped sending gifts.

You think spouting out nastiness is 'doing nothing wrong'? Ok

Apart from anything else you sound extremely disorganised.

What?

@pocketvenuss is telling someone what you think of them, if it's true, nasty, when they're just taking advantage of your good nature and blaming you for their flaws?

She sent them, but didn’t tell me when she sent them (which is fine, she doesn’t have to), and she ending up sending them to my old address.

Are you always so passive? When you asked her to post them, did you specify the address?

You seem a bit disorganised and overly apologetic, I can see why that would be annoying, tbh.

I haven't read the whole thread but from what I can see YANBU.she sounds like a pain in the @ss.

How have I taken advantage of good nature? She agreed to post them, I thanked her and my ex flatmate told me he would pick up the parcel - no drama. Ex flatmate then didn’t pick it up. Ex flatmate was doing me a favour by picking it up as I work in healthcare 730-2 and then the post office will be closed. I was grateful for that, and he said he’d bring it to me the day before Christmas Eve. He didn’t bring it and said he forgot.

me and ex talk nearly everyday, and she kept asking me when I’d pick up the parcel. I have apologised to her. I just don’t understand how it’s manipulative in any way. I have sent her stuff back through the post and that was all fine. She also knows that I haven’t lived in that flat for a long time.

what have I blamed her for? Absolutely nothing.

She bought me perfume and a card for my birthday, so it’s not overstepping for us.

@Dizzying yeah she agreed to post them and you didn't bother collecting them or letting her know what happened until she asked. You also didn't reimburse her - yes she said not to worry but any normal person would send her some money to cover the costs regardless.

You've blamed her indirectly by banging on about the address. If you couldn't have collected the parcel you couldn't have been home for delivery either.

😂😂😂 banging on about the address, it’s the literal issue at play. I live with my sister, so it would have been delivered to her at my address.

And no I don’t indirectly blame her I literally wrote “ I felt terrible that I hadn’t picked it up after my ex went to the trouble of posting it. I sent a massive apology message to my ex, thanked her again for sending them and said I would sort it out”

So what’s the manipulative thing I did?

This is weird. I don't believe the item would be disposed of. And, as PPs have said, only you could have collected something addressed to you anyway. They wouldn't have given it to your ex flatmate. You should have prioritised getting the card from them, and didn't. So it can't have been that important to you. Bit you did make your ex go out of the way because you made it out to be important.

As Pps said your ex flatmate wouldn't have been able to pick up your mail anyway without your ID, so you should have been more on rhe balk with collecting them yourself.

If I was your ex and still on good terms it would have really annoyed me that you were so lax that these important documents were now lost because of your lax attitude. If I hated you I wouldn't have cared she ignored you, as I would have done, and if you pushed the issue I probably would have exploded at you too.

More on the ball*

Just tell her you want to get back with her and be done with it.

Forget about all this ID/post nonsense. So many things about it are ridiculous and therefore obviously an excuse to be in touch.

I don’t want to get back with her, I needed my qualification certificates for a job. We speak regularly, and have met up numerous times. I didn’t need an excuse to talk to her.

You literally got her to send some documentation on the proviso of it being essential, then when it got destroyed blamed her for sending it to the wrong place rather than you or your friend taking responsibility for it.

She's the scapegoat for your inaction but is the only one who was true to her word.

I don't see where the OP has blamed the ex for sending to wrong place? Posters were accusing them of not giving an updated address so it was explained she knew the new address.

I think the ex has over reacted. Humiliated and not speaking for a month? What did it really matter to her if the documents were received or not? I don't get.

“You literally got her to send some documentation on the proviso of it being essential, then when it got destroyed blamed her for sending it to the wrong place rather than you or your friend taking responsibility for it“

When did I blame her? I apologised to her. Hardly blaming her. Maybe try reading the thread properly.

I've read the thread and considering the whole focus is on the address, not you or your friend, it says everything about who you believe to be at fault.

It had been at least 3 weeks and she had to chase you up rather than you letting her know it had or hasn't been delivered.

I don't get why you needed to get in touch with her again?

Absolute rubbish you could redirect to a lost office and most arre open beyond your working times.

Your flatmate wouldn't be able to collect anyhow.