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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 17 year old daughter go out late?

47 replies

MamaCathy73 · 01/01/2023 19:41

Hi everyone,

My DD, who is 17, wants to go out partying with her friends. They definitely drink alcohol, and I believe that they are sensible. However, I am not too pleased about her staying out so late. She says that all her friends stay out until whatever they want. I am worried about her, so I don't her doing this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DorisParchment · 01/01/2023 19:42

YABU. She needs some independence and to learn her limits on her own.

Anisina · 01/01/2023 19:42

How are you going to stop her?

NuffSaidSam · 01/01/2023 19:43

You've got a matter of months until she's an adult, so you've got to start loosening up pretty soon. If not now, when?!

Coffeellama · 01/01/2023 19:44

What is ‘late’?

mothercatherine · 01/01/2023 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ

jollygoose · 01/01/2023 19:45

Time to let her go. Talk about keeping safe and how she is getting home.

PlateUpTheTofurkey · 01/01/2023 19:45

Yep at 17, unless there's a very specific set of circumstances, she should be allowed to manage her own social life

Anisina · 01/01/2023 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ

Are you taking the piss?

BackBeatTheWord · 01/01/2023 19:46

You're passed the stage of controlling her behaviour by placing limits on her (beyond the obvious consideration she should show to her family by not making noise if she comes in late etc). By all means offer advice but she will presumably be moving out soon so needs to learn some independence while she still has the benefit of a family at home.

Sparklingbrook · 01/01/2023 19:46

Let her go, she’s 17.

MadMadMadamMim · 01/01/2023 19:47

YABU. She's almost an adult and it's time to let go and trust her. If you don't let her go to parties she's far more likely to go off the rails the minute she escapes your control.

I have no idea what age you are (I also have a 17 yo) but I'm late 50s and we were certainly drinking at 17 and 'staying out late'. What do you think she'll do after midnight, say, (have sex, take drugs, drink alcohol?) that she can't do earlier in the evening?

I've never understood why any kind of curfew made sense.

UsingChangeofName · 01/01/2023 19:47

As a blanket rule YABU.

However, there are quite a lot of "it depends" about the whole thing so when you come to the drip feed, I might change my mind.

Megapint · 01/01/2023 19:48

At 17 partying & staying out late is exactly what she should be doing.

BestKnitterInScotland · 01/01/2023 19:49

My 17 year old DD was at a NYE party last night and got home around 2.30am. She was drinking (not to excess) as well.

Notanotherusername4321 · 01/01/2023 19:50

How late is late?

and what’s your concern?

as long as mine is with a good bunch of friends that I know are responsible, and she tells me roughly where she’s going, I don’t have a problem. She’s been going to gigs and festivals since she was 16z

the main condition I have is she rings me when she wants picking up, if she can’t get a taxi, or no one else is going her way, or any reason tbh. I’d rather I go out and bring her home safely, I would be up/awake until she gets in anyway.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 01/01/2023 19:52

Blimey, at 17 I was out all weekend. Marvellous times!

I’d have laughed if anyone tried to ground me.

Mumzoo5070 · 01/01/2023 19:53

Not sure if this still happens but back in the late 80's in Scotland my friend went off to Uni in a big city all alone age 16. I can't believe how things have changed!

Sparklingbrook · 01/01/2023 19:54

17 is the perfect age to stay out late. Happy memories!

BooksAndHooks · 01/01/2023 19:56

Better to stay out late and come home at the same time as her friends, than you insisting she comes back earlier and having to make her way home alone.

pilates · 01/01/2023 19:57

She is nearly an adult. Quite normal behaviour and you need to let her go.

BasicItch · 01/01/2023 19:59

Yabu let her live!

SauteBaconHollow · 01/01/2023 20:07

My advice would be to make sure she has a clear plan on how to get home, travels home with friends/never alone and ensures her phone remains fully charged/carries a battery pack for it.

HaddawayAndShite · 01/01/2023 20:11

Having worked at a university and seen the absolute state some 18 years old get because they’ve been wrapped in cotton wool and mollycoddled their entire life, I say please cut the apron strings. Generally, the ones who’ve had that freedom, and mutual respect from parents are the ones that get drunk but still able to find their way home after the visiting McDonald’s. The ones who’ve been locked up are like caged animals once they’ve had thay freedom, wild and unpredictable and often ending up in very dangerous circumstances.

PinkFrogss · 01/01/2023 20:14

YABU, as others have said.

Its better she starts staying out late etc in a safer environment close to home than goes completely off the rails at uni with her new found freedom

Whatyagonnadokatie · 01/01/2023 20:18

Are @MamaCathy73 and @mothercatherine the same person? Very similar usernames lol

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