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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my 17 year old daughter go out late?

47 replies

MamaCathy73 · 01/01/2023 19:41

Hi everyone,

My DD, who is 17, wants to go out partying with her friends. They definitely drink alcohol, and I believe that they are sensible. However, I am not too pleased about her staying out so late. She says that all her friends stay out until whatever they want. I am worried about her, so I don't her doing this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Haribosweets · 01/01/2023 20:42

At 17 my parents ruled me - wouldn't let me out and i ended up lying who I was with and that i was having sleepovers at a friend's. I was out until 3am, smoking, and getting totally drunk. Let her go now as she'll only lie to you. I went off the rails at 18 because of the restrictions I had prior to the legal age.

SirenSays · 01/01/2023 20:47

By 17 I had my own place and was living independently. She's old enough to stay out late.

PeekAtYou · 01/01/2023 20:47

She needs practice going out late before she goes to university and takes bigger risks than is safe because she has freedom.

Right now you have some control over how late and how often she goes out. Ease her into adult life rather than risk her going off the rails when there's no rules at uni

Original poster
MamaCathy73 · 01/01/2023 20:53

Whatyagonnadokatie · 01/01/2023 20:18

Are @MamaCathy73 and @mothercatherine the same person? Very similar usernames lol

Just a crazy coincidence 😂

OP posts:
loislovesstewie · 01/01/2023 20:55

I know I'm ancient, but I was going to concerts at 13,at 17 I was partying, staying out late and having a good time. At 18 I was off to university and most of the people I met had been doing the same. The few who hadn't, really didn't cope well. They had no idea how to look after themselves, were often quite timid, and were quite lacking in social skills. Cut her some slack and allow her to grow up as a well rounded individual.

gamerchick · 01/01/2023 20:58

Meh I'd moved out by then. You can't keep her locked up forever.

x2boys · 01/01/2023 20:59

I understand your concerns ,my son had just turned 16 last week and doesn't really go out yet ,but he's leaving g school in a few months and I anticipate he will be going out when at college , you can't really stop it.

Snowwhiteandthesevendwarfs · 01/01/2023 21:07

How late is late? I wasn't allowed to do things friends were and I just started to lie every weekend where I was and who with, quickly got very good at the lies/planning.

LeopardPrintHo · 01/01/2023 21:13

Mine went out last night at 7pm and got back in house 2.30pm this afternoon. Was out with mates in pubs last night but knows I won't bother him if he keeps in touch and I no where he is.

Jimboscott0115 · 01/01/2023 21:22

I've said this before but for most of us over 30 (and certainly over 35), going out to clubs at 17 was a perfectly normal thing to do.

grayhairdontcare · 01/01/2023 21:27

You need to let her go.
You can explain your fears and have a conversation with her but you must start letting her go out.
You will loose her with this controlling behaviour

fUNNYfACE36 · 01/01/2023 21:28

Doesn't she get IDed?

refuge123 · 01/01/2023 21:31

Whatyagonnadokatie · 01/01/2023 20:18

Are @MamaCathy73 and @mothercatherine the same person? Very similar usernames lol

Report it. MNHQ can see sock puppeting

brusselspout · 01/01/2023 21:34

Anisina · 01/01/2023 19:42

How are you going to stop her?

If you have a good relationship with your child they would listen to your concerns and if you told them you didn't want them going out then they wouldn't. They might strop a little and shout about how unfair it is but they would stay in - because you've asked them to.

DuchessofSandwich · 01/01/2023 22:05

It's your job to turn her into a sensible adult by the time she's 18. How are you going to do that if she's not even allowed to go out late? What's your plan here?

SallyWD · 01/01/2023 22:09

At 17 I went on holiday to Spain with friends, travelled all over the UK, stayed out all night. Best times of my life! Let her live.

userxx · 01/01/2023 22:13

She's 17, give over.

Shallysally · 01/01/2023 22:19

As others have said, talk to her about having her phone charged, make sure she’s got some cash for an Uber, and let her go have fun!
This will be for your benefit too, if she goes off to uni and hasn’t been able
to experience life then you will be even more worried about how she is coping.

Teach her now, cut her some slack, for her life skills and for your peace of mind.

MadamLeota · 01/01/2023 22:41

My mum was like this with me. I remember one night, not long before my 18th birthday, she was threatening me with all sorts and telling me if I wasn’t home by 10pm the door would be locked. “Ok” I said and went out.
She didn’t see nor hear from me again for 8 months. Extreme I realise, but there came a point where I’d had enough and went for the nuclear option.

Oblomov22 · 01/01/2023 22:57

Till what time? Of course she can! Wierd thread.

FlirtyMelons · 01/01/2023 23:00

At 17 YANVU, as long as she has a safe way to get home then I wouldn't give a 17 yo a curfew.

W0tnow · 01/01/2023 23:01

What time is ‘late’? My 17 year old has to be home by 1am.

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