Is my 5 year old overreacting?

[biscoffonasunday]

Hi, this isn't really an AIBU but reposted this here for traffic, sorry!

Has anybody encountered a similar experience with their child? I have an almost 6 year old who is having difficulty regulating his emotions. He has always been very sensitive and been fearful of certain things. He is scared of the sound of hand dryers to the point he won't use a public bathroom, and refuses to go on escalators; he is fine with lifts. He hates buttons on tops, will wear his school .
uniform but really dislikes the buttons and fears I will fasten the top one (I never have and have never went to). He is very sensitive to new shoes and how they fit, will say they're tight even if they're fine. Some shoes he likes right away.

Ds is very well behaved generally, school have said he has an exceptionally good attitude; they haven't noticed anything of concern. However, when we tell him he has done something wrong (for instance if he is mean to his little brother or snatches something etc) he will overreact and get extremely upset. This will esculate to the point where he will retch, and almost throw up. It can be difficult to calm him down when he is in that state. We don't shout at him but tell him firmly it is wrong in the first instance. He hates being wrong and takes it very seriously to the point he can't accept it.

Ds will get very frustrated, and upset if something doesn't go his way. This could be a small detail on a computer game or something not working the way he would like. Any input appreciated, I feel abit worried, he is my first child so I haven't experienced this age before! His younger brother is so much more relaxed and a breeze in comparison, but I wonder if this is just a personality difference.

If anybody could shed any insight into this and if it is 'normal' behaviour I'd be very grateful.

Thank you

AIBU to worry or is this typical behaviour?

From what you've written I'd be putting money on him being autistic. My children are ND and are highly sensitive, 1 doesn't accept praise at all unless they fully believe they deserve it, they have extreme reactions to things- most likely when transitioning from one thing to another, or one place to another, the have special interests.
Try to reduce triggers as much as you can and read up as much as you can. They are still the same child but you can just help them more now you have more knowledge. I love their enthusiasm for their special interests, I love their quirks, I wish the world was less challenging for them but they are a joy.

Thank you for your post and lovely words @AcerbicColleague
i relate to the touch thing as ds is really sensitive to how things feel to the touch, he has heightened level of smell too and will noticed minute details as well. However, apart from dislike of buttons/certain shoes he will wear any clothes I put him in, he doesn't need to choose them and is very relaxed that way. He will now wear his school buttons top, we told him one if his favourite super heroes wore one and that helped. He still dislikes the buttons but will wear it now, we make a joke of the buttons and say "oh no what silly buttons" and this will make him feel better, he will fasten buttons on one of my tops and pretend he is doing then right to the top, and will find this hilarious. He is okay in busy places, used to be abit sensitive to the cinema but now handles it well and enjoys it. He will still panic around escalators and if I pop to a public toilet he will get abit worked up saying he doesn't need it if he thinks I'm asking him to go. The escalators fear got ao bad his fight or flight response kicked in and he tried to bolt. He is a very well behaved little boy most of the time and knows not to run away, he couldn't help it.

i do notice ds gets overloaded with stimuli/noise at times. He will sometimes cover his ears and tell us "stop talking" etc. He will also want to hide away when it is really bad and try to put his head under my top.
We definately need help and support with some of his traits, one step at a time.

Thank you @candleadvent for sharing. The praise aspect definately rings true. It used to baffle me that when I was doing something nice ds would hate it, it felt abit like no matter what I did I couldn't win. I know know It is all just too much for him. He is however fine with little surprise presents, and I think prefers this form of praise as opposed to clapping/hugging etc. I have to not say too much, or go overboard though or he will tell me not to talk, he has a headache etc. He is proud as punch though, and it seems to validate his good behaviour to him more for some reason.
I'm pleased you mentioned the still the same child part. I think I am struggling with that at the moment. Since the realisation that there maybe be some things to address suddenly every behaviour is in the spotlight. It feels like I've taken my blinkers fully off and I'm seeing him clearly for the first time. I need to educate myself to be the best Mother I can possible be for DS. I don't want him to struggle with the world, as you say it is aforever challenging one, and already hard enough as it is.