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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For DH to book a family holiday?

33 replies

Moxysright · 01/01/2023 16:57

So my dh has really pissed me off and I need to know Aibu? We haven’t been away in nearly 5 years (I was pregnant with dc1 when we last did) so I’ve said this year I really want us to go on our first family holiday abroad. He is just so reluctant And unenthusiastic about the whole thing to the point I mentioned it last night how I couldn’t wait for us to book and he said to just shut up going on about it!
he is the main breadwinner and I work part time (temporary basis to accommodate our childcare needs- mutually agreed as best situation when we had our children) I contribute to our household but he obviously earns more. he has multiple saving accounts and has a well paid full time job and could book in an instant but just won’t. He’s making me feel like a freeloader rather than someone he shares a family and a life with.

OP posts:
Passthecoffee · 01/01/2023 17:02

Are you certain he has the money to be able to 'just book it?'

A snappy response like that could indicate the funds aren't readily available and he's a little stressed about it. Unless of course you know for certain the money is there.

LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 01/01/2023 17:06

You could offer three suggestions if different holidays and ask which one he wants to go on?
I find doing this leads less room for booking nothing.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/01/2023 17:12

Maybe he doesn't fancy a trip abroad with small dc?

Usernamen · 01/01/2023 17:17

I think you need to direct him as to what he needs to book and for when. It can be overwhelming trying to organise a holiday.

If he still doesn’t want to, do you have your own savings that you can use? Some people just aren’t into spending money on holidays and you can’t really force them.

missmollygreen · 01/01/2023 17:23

Have you asked why he doesn't want to book a holiday?

kitcat15 · 01/01/2023 17:28

Why haven't you got joint savings?

Shoxfordian · 01/01/2023 17:29

Why does he say he doesn’t want to book one?

NoodleNuts · 01/01/2023 17:30

Perhaps he just doesn't want to go on holiday, plenty of people don't.

snowsilver · 01/01/2023 17:31

Maybe it's not the money?
My DH hates flying and while he can be persuaded to holiday abroad, left to his own devices he never would. He would also far rather stay at home than go anywhere, nothing to do with cost. I have to approach these things the right way....

Original poster
Moxysright · 01/01/2023 17:33

We don’t have joint savings in fact I have no savings for a number of reasons I’ve gone part time to accommodate childcare and I’ve had two maternity leaves in the last 5 years. I never stopped contributing to our home/ bills etc. He 100% has the money to book it i know that to be fact. I think he just resents having to. He’s quite hardwork, I basically organise everything. I think if I didn’t we’d have sat in twiddling our thumbs for a good few years now.

OP posts:
Shampern · 01/01/2023 17:33

As it is the first family holiday abroad maybe he is feeling apprehensive?

KrisAkabusi · 01/01/2023 17:33

There's nothing in your post to suggest it's about the money. Maybe he doesn't want to go at all, maybe he doesn't want a family type holiday. Ask him what he wants instead of assuming!

Krakenwakes · 01/01/2023 17:38

Why does he have several savings accounts and you don’t have any? Why hasn’t he been putting money into your savings account? The fact that you are part time and were on maternity leave is irrelevant.

Have you looked at the price of holidays, especially in school holidays?

Alfiexx1 · 01/01/2023 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EasterIsland · 01/01/2023 17:40

We don’t have joint savings in fact I have no savings for a number of reasons I’ve gone part time to accommodate childcare and I’ve had two maternity leaves in the last 5 years. I never stopped contributing to our home/ bills etc.

why oh why do women let themselves in for such unfair and risky financial arrangements in a marriage?

Awrite · 01/01/2023 17:41

Whatever s going on with the holiday, I be think you should consider returning to full time work.

It reads like he's the boss. Not a dynamic I would be comfortable with.

Original poster
Moxysright · 01/01/2023 17:44

Krakenwakes · 01/01/2023 17:38

Why does he have several savings accounts and you don’t have any? Why hasn’t he been putting money into your savings account? The fact that you are part time and were on maternity leave is irrelevant.

Have you looked at the price of holidays, especially in school holidays?

Ive found some great deals for holidays in term time as this is the last opportunity we can do so before dc1 starts school this coming sept.

No joint savings just a joint current account which we both put a set amount in each month to cover bills mortgage etc

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 01/01/2023 18:10

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/01/2023 17:12

Maybe he doesn't fancy a trip abroad with small dc?

This was my first thought too. I often read here that holidays with younger DC are basically 'same shit, different country' but were initially booked whilst wearing rose tinted glasses.

UsingChangeofName · 01/01/2023 18:14

As has already been said, the lack of enthusiasm might not be anything to do with the money.
I wouldn't want to take two x U5s abroad, with flights and all going abroad entails.

That said, you need to sort out the way you share you money as a family.

amiold · 01/01/2023 18:16

So you can't save because you work part time and still have to contribute. Yet he has money to save and you have nothing??

You're caring for his children

Drop your percentage into the joint account

blubberyboo · 01/01/2023 20:31

Tell him you want to take YOUR share of the savings out of his savings account to book a holiday.

make it clear that you consider it joint family savings raised by you subsidising the childcare. This will open up the conversation as to whether it should in fact be sensible for you to go back to work full time and he pay into the childcare costs so that you can start to build up savings

Ginandtoner · 01/01/2023 20:52

Moxysright · 01/01/2023 17:33

We don’t have joint savings in fact I have no savings for a number of reasons I’ve gone part time to accommodate childcare and I’ve had two maternity leaves in the last 5 years. I never stopped contributing to our home/ bills etc. He 100% has the money to book it i know that to be fact. I think he just resents having to. He’s quite hardwork, I basically organise everything. I think if I didn’t we’d have sat in twiddling our thumbs for a good few years now.

Are they not his children? If they are why is not contributing to childcare leaving you both with disposable income
you absolutely should have joint savings. I’d be very concerned in your shoes

Ginandtoner · 01/01/2023 20:53

id be booking myself a holiday and leaving him with the dc if he doesn’t want a holiday

but I expect you’re about to tell us ‘he’s an amazing dad’ but can’t actually look after his own kiss

deeperthanallroses · 01/01/2023 21:00

I would not contribute more proportionally than my husband to the joint costs of our family. If he gets savings and you don’t it’s wrong. With men who don’t respect the role of raising children and expect their children to come for free Ie not to impact THEIR savings or their ability to work full time, just their wife/partners, you really should return to full time work, and insist (if possible, some men are truly arses who shouldn’t have become dads) that they pay at least half the costs and do half the pick up and drop offs so their time is affected. I recommend them picking up, if they do drop off in the morning many women seem to end up doing most of the getting them up and ready, while if they pick up in the evening you can just come home after they’ve come home and got dinner on.

time for a very serious discussion with this man who purportedly loves and cares for you. If you decide on a holiday and sit the computer in front of him to pay will he? (This would make me mad, deciding on a holiday is also family work and dads are not too precious to have to do it)

lap90 · 01/01/2023 21:03

He hasn't booking anything because he doesn't want to go on a family holiday.