For DH to book a family holiday?

[Moxysright]

So my dh has really pissed me off and I need to know Aibu? We haven’t been away in nearly 5 years (I was pregnant with dc1 when we last did) so I’ve said this year I really want us to go on our first family holiday abroad. He is just so reluctant And unenthusiastic about the whole thing to the point I mentioned it last night how I couldn’t wait for us to book and he said to just shut up going on about it!
he is the main breadwinner and I work part time (temporary basis to accommodate our childcare needs- mutually agreed as best situation when we had our children) I contribute to our household but he obviously earns more. he has multiple saving accounts and has a well paid full time job and could book in an instant but just won’t. He’s making me feel like a freeloader rather than someone he shares a family and a life with.

He sounds financially abusive.

You need equal access to family money and his savings account.

This arrangement you have is solely for his benefit. He's pocketing all the cash and controlling it whilst you provide free childcare? What the fuck. This isn't right.

The holiday issue is a separate one but if your family is financially comfortable you should have the freedom to be able to book it yourself even if you leave misery guts behind!

He doesn’t want to go, so he won’t book anything this year, next year or the year after.

Drastically reduce the amount you put into the joint account so that you can save and have control over some of your own money. Most likely you’ll have to book something yourself and possibly go without him. If you do persuade him to book something he’ll probably be resentful and you’ll be looking at a grumpy sour face for the whole holiday.

I agree with what everyone has said our financial situation is a mess. He still views us as when we started dating so two separate entities rather than a married, family unit. I think a lot of this stems from his own family and their views.
i will 100% be reducing what goes into our joint account putting a percentage into savings. A honest talk is also needed!
jeez all I wanted was a cheap and cheerful week in the sun!🙈

Well hopefully now you’ll be in a less precarious financial situation which will likely work out better for you in the long run

in all seriousness why can’t you go on your own holiday/weekend away without dh (and dc!)

I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with someone who financially abuses me.

He hasn’t booked a family holiday because he doesn’t want to go on a family holiday. And he doesn’t want to go on a family holiday because he doesn’t see you as a family.

He just sees you as a live-in babysitter and that his money is all his. Why on earth would you stay married to, let alone have children with, someone who has such little respect for your marriage and your role in the family? Stop making excuses for him with “I don’t have much because I work part time”. Even if you didn’t work at all you are a family and his money is as much yours as his. Stop the separate accounts nonsense.

I have never seen a positive thread here about separate finances where there are young children involved and the woman earns less (either because she’s part time of because she hasn’t been able to climb the ladder in the same way).

@Moxysright

hopefully by the time you’ve laid out the new way of doing things he’ll regret not just booking a bloody cheap week in Spain!!

he either starts viewing all savings as equal or he starts paying for childcare so that you can afford to save for a holiday