Page 3 | To be absolutely pissed off with DS not sleeping

Starsinnightsky · 2022-12-31T22:04:35+00:00

teen DS who has autism has hardly slept for 3 nights now. Keeps saying he’s “scared and worried” about something but won’t tell me what so nothing I can do about it. He’s only slept a few hours here and there. He’s been having meltdowns all night. I’ve hardly slept either as had to be up with him. I’m starting to get really pissed off with him to be honest. Both me and him are so tired and exhausted by this point and he’s still not telling me what is worrying him this much and I have no idea what it could be and until he does I can’t see him sleeping properly.

TheHateIsNotGood · 31/12/2022 23:20

If you can, leave him to it until he crashes out and sleeps- don't push him on anything. Don't enter his room or look at him directly if you need to, don't ask him anything about how he feels, just leave him to his angst for now.

From the other side of the door ask him if he wants a drink/snack and murmur you love him.

Then after he's slept, wait....then choose your moment.

Tiz hard OP.

Original poster

Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:27

Going to go upstairs now and try and check his phone

OP posts:

Original poster

Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:28

TheHateIsNotGood · 31/12/2022 23:20

If you can, leave him to it until he crashes out and sleeps- don't push him on anything. Don't enter his room or look at him directly if you need to, don't ask him anything about how he feels, just leave him to his angst for now.

From the other side of the door ask him if he wants a drink/snack and murmur you love him.

Then after he's slept, wait....then choose your moment.

Tiz hard OP.

Will try this if there’s nothing on his phone

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minisoksmakehardwork · 31/12/2022 23:40

Ds1 was truly awful with meltdowns galore for 3 days straight when he was younger. He'd had a bad Friday at school and for the entire weekend he was angry, meltdowns over the slightest thing. We couldn't get out of him what it was - either he didn't want to or (more likely) couldn't find the words to tell us what was wrong. It's wasn't until Sunday night, when he was in the bath, that he revealed the class routine for the previous day had been left on the board. It had swimming and he had got himself all worked up about swimming, which then didn't happen.

It might be something as benign as this that your son has got worked up over.

Given his age and likely use of social media, is it possible he has shared something around AT and now he's been arrested, your son is worrying about the possibility of consequences for himself - for nt child, they'd likely not think twice. But I know there are some who will have seen things being shared on social media, who will now be working themselves into a frenzy that they are going to be next to be arrested.

Ultimately, whatever it is, your son is worrying about yours and someone else's reaction as much as anything. Is there anything you can do to reassure him that no matter what, you will not be angry but you want to help him?

TheHateIsNotGood · 31/12/2022 23:43

That's good OP - total de-escalation of the situation will work; this includes you too, hard though it is. Do not focus on checking his phone now, you truly have no idea what is bothering him, it could be something completely unrelated to anything you think it might be. Leave him until he finally sleeps.

I learnt this shit the hard way early on, by trial and error, so best of luck OP and may 2023 bring sleep and happy dreams to both of you.

LBFseBrom · 31/12/2022 23:50

Poor lad and poor you, not sleeping is dire.

Would your son settle down on a comfortable but makeshift bed in your room, until his worries are figured out?

WhatTheFdoIdo · 31/12/2022 23:52

Why can’t you leave him too it and say your going to sleep and to wake you when/if he’s ready to tell you?

Original poster

Starsinnightsky · 01/01/2023 00:51

Nothing unusual on his phones search history as I’ve just checked and nothing to indicate what he might be worried about so not sure where to go from here as if he won’t tell me I don’t know what I can do

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Original poster

Starsinnightsky · 01/01/2023 00:51

He’s still awake now and having a full on meltdown

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Hankunamatata · 01/01/2023 01:02

OP sending a hand hold. If keeps on ring out of hours doctor who may be able to prescribe a sedative or something to calm him if he will take tablets

tobee · 01/01/2023 01:11

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 01/01/2023 01:16

That's hard op. Has he said something or told someone something related to something important going on in your lives?

Original poster

Starsinnightsky · 01/01/2023 01:17

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 01/01/2023 01:16

That's hard op. Has he said something or told someone something related to something important going on in your lives?

Not as far as I know. We do have a situation going on in our family that currently involves lawyers but DS hasn’t mentioned it at any point and I asked him if that’s what he was worrying about and he wouldn’t say yes

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Susieblue18 · 01/01/2023 01:20

Does he have any ocd type symptoms? Could it be some sort of intrusive thoughts that he’s feeling bad about?

chelle0 · 01/01/2023 01:21

Would he take piriton? Or another drowsy anti histamine?

Emmalou0607 · 01/01/2023 01:21

Sorry I haven't ready completely through all the thread but most of it. I know he has said it isn't so to with whatever you have going on with lawyers, but is there absolutely nothing you can think of that might remotely link to that situation that he might be worried about that he might not be admitting to it being linked?

I do feel for you, sounds like you're really stuck in a difficult position and I hope it gets resolved soon. Sending positive thoughts

Stonebridge · 01/01/2023 01:24

Given his age and the fact he mentioned someone else, could it be something about sex/sexuality?

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 01/01/2023 01:24

Sis he actually say no? Or just didn't answer because if he hasn't actually answered then you might find that it actually is the thing! Unless he actually said no...?

NormaLouiseBates · 01/01/2023 01:28

My son who's now 22 has these similar meltdowns when something is bothering him and I get how frustrating it is. What works here is just asking as many questions as I can to try and get to the bottom of it like:

Is it something physical or something in your mind that you're worried about?
(Assume he answers that it's something in his mind)
So then I'd ask "is it something you've done or someone else has done?"
Etc etc...

NoSquirrels · 01/01/2023 01:34

Starsinnightsky · 01/01/2023 01:17

Not as far as I know. We do have a situation going on in our family that currently involves lawyers but DS hasn’t mentioned it at any point and I asked him if that’s what he was worrying about and he wouldn’t say yes

Show quote history

He wouldn’t say yes is not ‘No’.

So I’d assume it’s this.

You’ll obviously need to go on open statements of ‘If this, then that’ I guess - where ‘that’ = ‘I will always love you’.

I had a minorly small incident with my DC2 over Christmas that was only resolved with the ‘guessing game’ approach but they are younger and the parameters of what it might be smaller.

I think in your situation I’d write a ‘I will always love you’ note or email or message and hope to open communication that way.

NormaLouiseBates · 01/01/2023 01:35

Sorry had to finish a bit abruptly as the dog was crying because of the bastarding fireworks.

So assuming he'd answer that it was something HE had done...
I would then ask "was it recently or a long time ago?"... "was it at home or at school?"... "who were you with at the time?" Leading questions that would eventually, hopefully, get to the bottom of it.

NoSquirrels · 01/01/2023 01:35

NormaLouiseBates · 01/01/2023 01:28

My son who's now 22 has these similar meltdowns when something is bothering him and I get how frustrating it is. What works here is just asking as many questions as I can to try and get to the bottom of it like:

Is it something physical or something in your mind that you're worried about?
(Assume he answers that it's something in his mind)
So then I'd ask "is it something you've done or someone else has done?"
Etc etc...

Yes - this is exactly the guessing game approach I used. Physical or mental? You did something or someone else did? etc

Violetthedamagedbutterfly · 01/01/2023 03:02

Lots of sympathy for you and some really good suggestions here. Remember to try not to react to it when (if) you do find out. Hopefully it will be a load of nothing about nonsense, but you want him to trust you next time. At the end, remind him that you will always love him.

Theunamedcat · 01/01/2023 03:10

Sometimes melatonin can stop working or be counter productive

MistyRock · 01/01/2023 04:25

Has he spent lots of money on online gaming? Told someone a family secret? Quit his job? Does he have friends you could contact so they could find out for you? Could you bribe him with something.