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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely pissed off with DS not sleeping

84 replies

Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 22:04

teen DS who has autism has hardly slept for 3 nights now. Keeps saying he’s “scared and worried” about something but won’t tell me what so nothing I can do about it. He’s only slept a few hours here and there. He’s been having meltdowns all night. I’ve hardly slept either as had to be up with him. I’m starting to get really pissed off with him to be honest. Both me and him are so tired and exhausted by this point and he’s still not telling me what is worrying him this much and I have no idea what it could be and until he does I can’t see him sleeping properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 22:42

Hankunamatata · 31/12/2022 22:38

Mine is younger but in this situation we do what we call - back to back where we face away from each other, he tells me the issue then walks out of the room and goes to his room.

I leave him and won't discuss it until he signals its OK

i did not think of this!! What a brilliant suggestion, thank you so much! He’s still awake as not sleeping tonight either so going to try this now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 22:42

WutheringShites86 · 31/12/2022 22:37

Could it be something bad that has already happened or something he has done and fearing the consequences?

Potentially. But even then he knows I wouldn’t be angry

OP posts:
TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 31/12/2022 22:49

My oldest DC is autistic and sleeps terribly. It may well be that he doesn't know what is making him feel that way. My DC can't express worries and stresses a lot of the time. It's not that he is deliberately withholding it from you. Lack of sleep for you will of course make you less reasonable so YANBU to feel pissed off. However it also doesn't achieve anything.

We are currently awaiting an appointment through paediatrics to see what they can do to help. Personally I'm hoping for melatonin but we've been on the waiting list for over 2 years, so I feel your pain. I would definitely see a doctor.

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 22:59

He still won’t tell me what he’s worrying about

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:00

This really can’t go on though. Something has got to give. It’s only been 3 nights and I’m already at my wits end

OP posts:
WutheringShites86 · 31/12/2022 23:02

Does he have access to the Internet and his own laptop/devices etc? If so could be clues in search history

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:03

WutheringShites86 · 31/12/2022 23:02

Does he have access to the Internet and his own laptop/devices etc? If so could be clues in search history

Yep he has a phone but he’s 18 so wouldn’t really want to look at it without his permission but i might just have to as this can’t go on

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:04

The only thing I can think of that it might be is a situation we currently have going on that has lawyers involved in it. But no idea why DS would be worried about this and I’ve already asked him if it’s was this and he didn’t say it was

OP posts:
WutheringShites86 · 31/12/2022 23:05

I think you have grounds to at this stage @Starsinnightsky, it's for his own wellbeing

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:05

WutheringShites86 · 31/12/2022 23:05

I think you have grounds to at this stage @Starsinnightsky, it's for his own wellbeing

I might just have to, it’s only been 3 nights though so not been going on for weeks.

OP posts:
amdro · 31/12/2022 23:06

Could he try EMDR videos on YouTube.? Your eyes follow a moving light and it's used to calm racing thoughts. If he can calm down a bit he may be able to tell you what's wrong.

SlashBeef · 31/12/2022 23:08

Has he done something online that he's now panicking about? I know he's 18 but I agree that it's probably time to check his devices.

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:08

amdro · 31/12/2022 23:06

Could he try EMDR videos on YouTube.? Your eyes follow a moving light and it's used to calm racing thoughts. If he can calm down a bit he may be able to tell you what's wrong.

Not tried this, will give it a go with DS and see if it gets me any closer to finding out what is worrying him

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:09

SlashBeef · 31/12/2022 23:08

Has he done something online that he's now panicking about? I know he's 18 but I agree that it's probably time to check his devices.

Potentially, I’m going to try and check his phone tonight now as soon as possible

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 23:09

Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:00

This really can’t go on though. Something has got to give. It’s only been 3 nights and I’m already at my wits end

Will he text you what the problem is? Sometimes it's easier, he doesn't even have to be in the same room or see your reaction.

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:09

Tonight is going the same way though, he still won’t go to sleep and is now having a meltdown

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:10

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 23:09

Will he text you what the problem is? Sometimes it's easier, he doesn't even have to be in the same room or see your reaction.

Show quote history

Nope I tried this yesterday and he sent me this “I can’t tell you as you will get angry and someone else will also get angry” (his exact words). I have no idea who else he’s referring to

OP posts:
ednatheevilwitch · 31/12/2022 23:10

He sounds like he's really worried about something. Is there anyone else he could tell? An aunt?

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 23:11

Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:09

Tonight is going the same way though, he still won’t go to sleep and is now having a meltdown

Do you have to be up with him?

What if he just stays in his room, reading or watching a video?

Are the meltdowns due to tiredness, his worries or a mix of both?

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:11

Going to try and check his phone though as soon as possible now

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:11

ednatheevilwitch · 31/12/2022 23:10

He sounds like he's really worried about something. Is there anyone else he could tell? An aunt?

Nope we’ve even tried this

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 31/12/2022 23:11

I’m sorry OP- I have exactly the same issue with my ASD teen who is also 18 . I’ve used nytol out of desperation and it does work for him.
The lack of routine is killer.
I find support really lacking. My DC isn’t bad enough to qualify for CAMHS and the GP won’t prescribe because of his neurodivergence.
You’re not alone.

Original poster
Starsinnightsky · 31/12/2022 23:11

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 23:11

Do you have to be up with him?

What if he just stays in his room, reading or watching a video?

Are the meltdowns due to tiredness, his worries or a mix of both?

Show quote history

I think his meltdown are because of what he’s worrying about to be honest

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 23:15

It sounds exhausting to be honest for both of you. I just hope whatever he's worried about is not too bad.

TidyDancer · 31/12/2022 23:18

Is there an activity you can do together that would be at all 'relaxing' for him? Board game or cards maybe? Or a place you can go that he would feel more comfortable opening up? I know that's not ideal on no sleep though (for either of you).